Ramadan blessings...

Ramadan is full of mixed feelings for me, and I have been trying to write a post about that for a few days now. It just doesn't seem to be coming together. Maybe I'm just clouded by low blood sugar or something. If you are wondering about the picture... That is what I am focusing on this Ramadan. Trusting Allah. Trusting that all the things I am experiencing are part of my fate, Trusting that I have to do what is right and everything else will come, trusting that if He handed me a challenge I can meet it. Anyway, Ramadan and me...

The good part, is pretty simple. I feel closer to the religion, I am reminded all day of the importance of Allah in my life, and my husband and I share meals together on a regular basis (something our schedules don't always allow us to do).

Then there is the down side... I feel more isolated than usual because I know people everywhere are sharing iftar invitations and going to the mosque. And these are things that we just don't do. So there will come a time in the month when I will feel really sad about that. I will remember how much I enjoy cooking for a party, how much I would love to go to the masjid and pray a peaceful taraweh.

Realistically, I know I'm not the only person in this situation. I know the hadith about being strangers, the one about holding onto the deen being like holding onto a hot coal. And I still feel a little sad sometimes. I am an extrovert. People around me do matter. Things around me do matter. Although I'm not weak, and I will hold my beliefs even if they are different than those around me... But I do feed off of the rare person who sees things as I do. And right now, those people are a phone call or an online chat rather than a physical presence. And that's hard.

I'm not just crying into my latte here. I'm hoping that if you are like me and you are reading this... Don't let it get to you. Do something fun, something memorable for your kids... Even if you are all alone in your celebration. You have to build your own memories, start your own traditions. You are shooting without a script. It's hard, but you chose this path. And you wouldn't be on it if you didn't believe it was the better way. Most of all, remember that you are not alone. Somewhere out there is someone like me, doing the exact same thing as you... And in my heart I am with you. And I will remember that all of you are with me even if we live hundreds of miles apart.

So I am making dua for all of you. Kiss your kids for me. Buy your spouse something special to wear to the Eid prayer. Feed that elderly neighbor a share of your iftar (even though they are not Muslim). Hang some lights around your house. And remember you are not alone.

Happy Ramadan friends, I hope this is a time of prayer and reflection for all of you wherever you are in the world.

I heart this easy bread thing...

I bought the book Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day maybe 4 months ago... And I have been really enjoying it. One thing that has been a challenge is finding a large container that I can use to mix and store the dough in. I found this at Sam's yesterday:



It's 6 quarts and if you can't see there are three of them. That means that I can have a loaf pan dough, a sweet dough and a basic dough and just refill as needed. I like mixing in the same container I store in and before that was impossible because I was storing in a casserole type tupperware. I am also moving a little half fridge that DH had at work to the basement so I can store the bread dough without eating up all my fridge space. Here is one with the dough just mixed in it (plenty of room to rise):



If you have not tried this method and you definitely should. I don't know why I was making it so much harder than it had to be all this time. You really can make bread in only five minutes a day. It's so nice!!! There is nothing like fresh baked bread, it just smells so wonderful and tastes so good!!! Next to nice fresh laundry smell there is nothing more comforting to me than fresh bread throughout the house.

Does this mean that my bread-making has reached the level of obsessive? **wink** MMMM, no one is complaining yet!

Taking a bite out of history

One of the stranger things that I like to do is cook things in a traditional manner. What I mean is historical recipes that might use techniques and ingredients we would now find tiresome and antiquated. This extends to other areas such as clothing, making household items and so on. I find it to be interesting and more importantly it's a way to really get in touch with history. I personally am more interested in the way things were for the average person than I am in big events. It gives you a sense of how things have changed and an appreciation for how people of that period felt about the big events... In short it gives you perspective.

So, when I read my kids Little House on the Prairie I got this book:

And when I could I cooked what we were reading about. Some things I ended up liking and I do them seasonally now. Crab-apple jelly for instance. But we don't always like them. Well, to be honest our processed food taste means we often will find these simpler foods strange and we won't like them. But, it is fun to try them anyway and really get a sense of what life was like for the people making them.

I also like quilting using the more traditional patterns and methods. I have even pieced by hand, and it turned out pretty nice. And you may know that I like knitting, and crochet... I have even tried my hand at tatting (making lace), but I never caught on!LOL

So, I'm sure someday I will find my way to a volunteer job at a living history museum... Maybe I'll be one of those crazy volunteers you see on PBS or TLC when they challenge people to live like people in a given period of history. I would love it!!!LOL But for now I'm off to make a recipe from the book I got at the Living History Farm in Iowa... Maybe brown bread in a coffee can???

2009 Ramadan Craft (gift box)

I like to do a craft every year and post a tutorial for Ramadan. Last year I missed it, this year I wanted to be early so you can do one if you like the idea, insha'Allah. So here it is:

You will need:

Glue, paintbrush, paper mache or cardboard box, duct tape (craft colored type) and tissue paper.

First, mix your glue with an equal amount of hot water to thin it out.

Then have some fun tearing the tissue paper into little squares (maybe 1 inch???).

Then brush the glue onto the surface of your box.

Now lay the tissue paper into the glue. Once you do the whole thing, give it a coat of the glue over the entire surface. You may want to do that part for the younger ones because the tissue paper can get too wet and move if you brush hard. Let it dry for a few hours after this step.

Take your box and draw a template. Then use the size to create a design for the top of your box.

Here you can see mine, a crescent and a star.

Now take that design and cut it out of your gold foil (or whatever contrasting color you like). Then use your thin glue to paste it onto the lid and give it a little top coat when you are finished.

Next, take the duct tape and cover the edge as shown.

Fold the edges of the tape to cover the rim of the box. I did this to protect the decorative finish from the opening and closing of the lid.

Repeat the process with the rim of the lid.

On the inside lid paste a printed message explaining the box and its contents to the recipient. Mine says:

"Right now Muslims all over the world are celebrating the month of Ramadan. You may know that it is a time of fasting from sunrise to sunset and a special chance for us to grow in our faith. What you may not know is that it is also a time for sharing food and company with our family and friends. Our family would like to share a small gift with you and we hope that you will enjoy it. These cookies are called kahk, and are a special treat shared by Egyptian families during the month of Ramadan.

Peace and blessings to you and your loved ones."

This is the finished box, and as you may have guessed by the inside of the lid we plan to use it as a container for cookies to be given to friends. Be sure to line the box with something if you fill it with food, oil from the food could damage it.

We are on the road right now. On an RV trip to be specific (which is another post entirely)and we made our way from WY to Niagra Falls and are now going back and hitting some things we wanted to see. I personally have always wanted to see what a city filled with Muslims would be like... So we made our way towards Dearborn, MI. We shopped, we ate and I marveled at the microchasm (no spell check right now so please forgive the spelling) of Islam in America.

We have had trouble with the generator, discovered that RV parks cost more than bidding for hotels on Priceline and were shocked at the behavior of mass amounts of Arabs (they all park on the freeway to watch fireworks ya'll!!!)... And we had a good time.

Niagra Falls was nice, but bring your passport because the Canadian side is the best.

Check out The Henry Ford Museum if you are ever in Dearborn... I liked it, and even if DH says I like all museums (which is true) I swear this one was nice.

We also checked out the living history farm near Des Moine, Iowa. The kids milked a cow, which of course happened around some live illustrations of farming in early America... But who's gonna remember that with all the cow milking???

Anyway, that's where I am... We are headed home and will arrive Wednesday??? Insha'allah.

Blog Carnival post on White Privilege... Very Late.

This blog carnival is one that I promised myself I would write for... Of course I am late so I hope the sister who is organising will accept my apology and my entry. It's a good topic, and being lily-white Muslimah I have thoughts on it!LOL


Craving the Spotlight

As a White Muslim you are a BIG DEAL. You are a superstar at Muslim gatherings. And unless you are painfully shy you will eventually start to love it, NEED it. No, really. Everyone will ask you how you converted and tell you how wonderful you are. You learn masha'Allah and think maybe it means something like "Look, there goes the only American smart enough to convert to Islam." The entire community is ready to marry you off if you happen to be single.

Then the reality of your new life starts to set in. When you peel back the thin veneer of this "welcome" you will find that you are an outsider. You will see all too clearly that the praise only keeps coming as long as you aren't challenging anyone. The minute you dare to contradict you will find out that born Muslims automatically assume you to be uneducated in matters of religion. And where a lesson or hint may be appreciated in the first months after you convert... The assumptions start to sting once you have been Muslim for a few years. They come from unexpected places. Even your spouse may pull the born Muslim card on you. So we are knocked off the pedestal the community put us on swiftly and unceremoniously. And we fall hard.

Here we were thinking that we were trading one community for another. We tolerated the looks that the old ladies at the grocery shot us because we knew the Muslims understood us. The Muslims were proud of us. The Muslims thought we were smart. Well, maybe they did anyway. It's an unpleasant surprise to find out that everyone still thinks of you as a child even when you have been Muslim for years. There is also the matter of feeling like you have to fight the culture that people THINK is Islam all the time. And usually both these things are in play when you feel like the community just doesn't get you. The attention you learned to love, turns sour overnight. You realise that no one ever seeks more from you than your conversion story and you start to get tired of telling it.

I have left more gatherings with tears than I care to remember. I NEVER feel like I fit in. The ideals of Islam and the truth about the Muslims of today are just so far apart. I don't think people dislike me, but I do think they are full of negative assumptions about me. I challenge these people who think they know so much to ask themselves how much direct knowledge from learned people do they have? You can't just assume that because you have been following your cultures "Muslim" version of life for years you know all there is to know about the religion. Worse yet, you might be surprised at how much of what you think you know has NOTHING to do with Islam.

So, here we white converts are in between a cultural rock and a religious hard place. We aren't American anymore because once you out yourself as Muslim by dress, actions or talk you don't really fit in with the other people from your cultural background anymore. At the same time, we will never be Egyptian, Arab, Pakistani, whatever... So we will never fit into the groups that the Muslim community divides itself into either. By choosing Islam we have chosen life as an outsider.

So, yes... We have the admiration of the Muslim community. People will offer us jobs and spouses thinking we are just so great and wonderful. But they will never really accept us. So maybe we are privileged... And maybe not. I guess that depends on how you define it.

This is where I grew up. So if you wonder why I just feel like a square peg in a round hole here in Wyoming... It's a far cry from Cairo, but I'm not going to claim that I understand for a second why my husband has adapted better than me!LOL

Children's Literature

Children's books are a great love of mine. And since Muslim Hippie did a post on her favorites, I thought I would share mine.

First, and foremost...


I also love...


And...


Of course you can't talk children's books without mentioning...


And a new favorite around our house...


And the whole series that started with...


And I hope all children get to read a little of his work...


And I have enjoyed reading his work to my kids...


And even adults can laugh at...


Of course I could go on and on... I love books, and I love children's books. Just wanted to share, maybe you would all share yours too!!! Let me know if you do.

Calgon, take me away...

There are things that I miss about being single. Being able to take a bath undisturbed is DEFINATLY one of them. And I'm going to confess that since becoming Muslim I miss having a glass of wine while in said bath. What I wouldn't do for the bath pictured above and a nice glass of white wine. Now, don't go all crazy on me... I don't drink, and I know it's forbidden... But I do see the temptation of a three margarita play date every now and then!LOL Ohhhh, don't listen to me... I've had a long day already and it's only noon. :P

Summer homeschooling challenge #1

I am going to do a summer program at home for the kids this year. I have been planning it and the first hurdle is: Taking the above pictured mess (now a storage room) and making it into a classroom. It's going to be nice, insha'Allah... And that room needs to be cleared out anyway... But it's also going to be a pain in the butt!LOL My plan is to have school desks and a computer. I will also set up book shelves. Right now I am working on that room and searching for a math curriculum. I am also compiling a summer reading list and digging out the HSing books that have been in storage since we moved. I have enrolled in a few activities and need to print some wall calendars to start a master schedule. I'm excited, and I want to start on June 8th so I have some serious work to do.

I'm still here!!!

I haven't updated in awhile, so I will share with you a few things that I have been meaning to posts about.

I am totally dreaming of going to this event from Zaytuna Institute. **big sigh** Anyone want to watch the kids for a week and loan me $1,600??? OK OK!!! Don't get mad, I was just asking!LOL

My very sweet SIL from Egypt saved my behind from wardrobe hell by bringing me several wonderful summer shirts/ ensembles from Egypt. Some were ready right away, and a couple need hemming/alterations. Anyway, I have a great head start on my summer clothing. Alhamdulilah.

I am going tomorrow afternoon to get a massage for the first time ever in my life. I have migraine headaches and in the interest of saving my liver from my overuse of migraine meds I am trying to find alternative ways to deal with my headaches. I will probably go to a chiropractor as well when I find one I like here in town. I'm hoping that the idea of having a strange person all up in my space won't undo any relaxing effect said massage might have.

I got a new kitchen tool the other day, an onion dicer (I hate chopping onions)... And the clutz that I am I had it on the counter and was leaning forward over it trying to push the onion through the chopper, when it slipped and the end I was pushing on went down and the front went up launching the stupid thing into my forehead. So no, that's not a prayer mark... That's a BRUISE because I am too dippy to use a simple kitchen tool safely. Yeah, it's true.

I got some great fabric on sale in Denver and I am planning to make myself some clothes. I also got a very groovy canvas tent pattern that I am going to make up for my kids and the daycare, insha'Allah. I think it will be very cool, I will post pics, insha'Allah.

I am looking into self-publishing a book that I mentioned some time ago... A kinda practical how to deal book for female converts, the girlfriends guide to Islam is the working title. I will be looking for other converts to talk about their experiences, so leave me your e-mail if you are interested. I AM struggling with the content a little because I was thinking about having some scholars answer questions, and even if I can find someone to do that... I think I am going way outta my league by having too much specific religious content. I want it to be a real life thing, not a collection of fiqh for women; I'm not qualified for that obviously.

Other than that... The house is still a mess because we went to Denver for a week, but I have high hopes for getting it done this weekend. And I need to take on the project of making curtains for the living room, but I know that I will do something fun like the tent instead... I'm not the most practical mom after all.

This week I need to...

I have so many things to do this week, and I am determined to get them done... But I always manage to slack off. I made dua this morning for help with all the things I have to do... I need it. So, here it is:

-Get the kids ready for their Goha presentations. DS is doing a story about tricking 2 thieves and he will dress as Goha and tell it in first person. Layla is doing the story above about Goha teaching his son a lesson while walking with a donkey through town. She will do a storyboard to go along with it. So, i need to complete the display of the story board and make DS's jilbab.

-Get my bathroom ready to try and have someone come in and put tile on our peeling plaster shower wall.

-Get my house in order and picked up so I can bring someone to help clean before my SIL comes from Egypt maybe as soon as this weekend (not that I can afford that, but I will be SOOOOO embarrassed if I don't have it clean at least the living room carpet).

-Do the piles of laundry in the upstairs hallway.

-Get some kind of sleeping arrangement for my SIL figured out, and hopefully figure out some solutions for if SIL #2 comes with.

-Bake cupcakes for the sale on Friday.

-Try not to have a nervous breakdown about doing all of the above!!!

I HATE shopping!!!

I used to LOVE shopping. No, really. Especially for shoes. I was known for my unique shoes. I had my "utility" pair of birks, but everything else was an original. I think I did some serious damage to my feet shoving them into platforms. And I had a thing for tall boots with short skirts. I'm short you see, and long dresses and loose clothes will inevitably leave me looking frumpy and grandma-ish. So along with the normal changes that go with becoming an actual adult and having to dress like one, I am also still struggling with how to rock the modesty thing. You see once I was stripped of my platforms and my baby-doll dresses, my retro chic thrift-store finds, I was left with very little in my wardrobe. I had a total of maybe 2 pairs of drawstring pants, 1 skirt and 2 shirts that I could wear when I converted. And I solved the problem with a few jilbabs. They were the overcoat style and I liked them for teaching, they looked professional. Then I moved to Wyoming and married a man who thinks jilbabs are for the porter's (AKA doorman's) wife. And the wardrobe thing has been a problem ever since.

So I guess it's no surprise that I HATE shopping. Of course when I have to take the kids it's a nightmare. Any mom with more than one will have that problem. But even when I go on my own I find myself staring blankly at rack after rack and finding nothing. Then you add into it that everything I like DH will hate and everything he suggests I will hate... It just sucks the joy right out of the experience!!!

I guess all hijabis here in the states suffer from this to some degree, but I am getting down to a bare closet here and I will have to face my shopping demons soon. I just don't know where I am supposed to shop, or even what I am looking for. Every time I buy something I am compromising, and nothing fits me correctly. You see, I am short... No, shorter than that. 5 feet in shoes short. So, everything is long through the arms and the waist is in the wrong place. So, I have trouble finding things that don't look goofy because the "waist" is cinching the chunky part of my belly. And though I consider the top of my knuckles the correct length for a long sleeve (I used to loop my thumbs through before it was cool and they made juniors Shirts that way) when the shoulders slump and the arms are 2-3 inches over the end of my hand, it's too much.

So here I am, the one bright spot in my shopping trips is Sephoria (cosmetics). And I end up buying clothes that don't fit and don't reflect my personality. I feel like such a frump. I just wish I could find even one outfit that made me feel great. Oh, and if I could find a store that consistently carried even something as basic as loose shirts that actually cover my behind... That would just be icing.

So:P on shopping. Maybe someday I will find a way to enjoy it again but for now it's a chore.

getting to know your local ER

There isn't a mom out there who hasn't taken their child to the ER at least once. If you have four you just multiply that... So I know the local ER pretty well, and they know me. I am sitting there right now because it looks like DS#2 has chicken-pox. Lovely right? See, I knew I shouldn't have let the public health nurse guilt me into the vaccine!LOL

But what I really want to say is a little alhamdulilah.

Alhamdulilah I live in a place where the state makes sure kids can afford to go to the ER even if their parents don't have a job with insurance.

Alhamdulilah I am here for something simple and totally treatable.

Alhamdulilah for how long it has been since DH was the one I was here with (masha'allah).

Alhamdulilah I live in a time and place where a minor childhood illness is not life threatening.

Anyway, alhamdulilah.

Cupcakes for a bake sale...

The kids are having a bake sale at school... They are on a university campus so they will be selling them in the student union during lunch. I have 2 kids in 2/3 which is the group doing the sale so today was my first day and my next one is on a few weeks away. I made 2 dozen lemonade cupcakes (basically replace half the liquid in a white cake with frozen lemonade concentrate and add a couple drops of yellow to the batter). And I think the next ones will be spiced chai... Don't you just love cupcakes?

I am also working on the kid's presentations on folktales. I am doing Goha, so I need two different stories (one per kid). I know I'm doing the one about the nail... Do any of you know another good one? I have some books coming from Amazon, but any thoughts would help!

Toys for boys...

It's hard to find things to make for the boys, but I got a great book at Barnes and Noble called Creepy Cute Crochet and I have been having some fun with it. This is a knight (maybe 5 inches tall so it works up QUICK) I did for my oldest son since he seems to be into knights right now for some reason. Next I'm doing a cute little monkey with a fez to hang in the car and a ninja for DS #2.

call me book dork...

You know you are a bibliophile when you spend your free day out of town book shopping. And when you find yourself giddy when faced with a warehouse of Islamic books. And when you total up your spending on said books and realize you have really passed your 100$ limit. And then you go to Barnes and Noble and spend even more...

Not that I'm talking about me here **blushing** but like if that stuff happened that girl would definitely be a book dork... **grin**

Book suggestions???

I am trying to add a new habit to my life every 30 days... Do something useful every day for 30 minutes until I have a new habit. This month, study religion for 30 minutes every day. So, any books I should read??? Audiobooks, podcasts, internet videos are all especially welcome. Thoughts? What are your favorites? Of course something that requires thought, but not anything too dry. I know, I'm asking a lot when we are talking translations for the most part I know... And any tips on reading without freaking out over poor grammar and misused words obviously gleaned directly from the pages of an Arabic to English dictionary are always welcome!LOL

Being religious without being plastic...

Can it be done? I always have the feeling that I am one of those converts who just sounds plastic when they start talking deen. Have you ever noticed how silly it is when a person who doesn't really mean it is all, alhamdulilah, masha'Allah, and so on? It is very rare that I meet a person who can tell a story about God in their life without sounding like someone bearing witness to a tel-evangelist.

Have you ever wondered if seeming a little fake is just the nature of being a convert? Or maybe the nature of being religious in general... Maybe it's because along with the religion we try to adopt the culture. Or maybe I'm just over-critical. I try hard to be myself... Sometimes that is strict, sometimes I am pretty relaxed... And I think that I probably make some converts pretty uncomfortable with it sometimes. But I try to be upfront with my views.

It's one of the things I think we all have to work on in our lives if we want to progress as a religious group beyond practicing the deen within the context of a culture. I mean, if we are all just putting on the good Muslim mask doing what we think other Muslims expect us to do, saying what is widely accepted... How will we ever progress?

So I propose that we should all do what we believe. You have a cultural background that you can keep if it doesn't conflict with the religion, and that's OK. And if you are uneducated and not sure... Find an answer. Don't just become a convert doll saying the things you have heard when someone pulls your string. Own your answers. Own your deen. And hopefully you won't feel plastic at all, ever.

New doll

Here are some pictures of a doll I just finished. Insha'Allah it will go to meet its little girl soon;)