My kingdom for a garage!

So it has been freezing here in WY for the last few days. No, I mean like below zero with wind-chill freezing. And what have I been coveting? A garage. What I wouldn't give to park my van inside and load the kids inside and not have to run out into the blistering cold to retrieve something I forgot in the car.

As it stands I have been running out with kids bundled in as many layers as I can muster starting with thermals and ending with coats with a special fleece inner coat. All of which takes about 15-20 minutes to do every time I leave the house. What do people who live in Alaska do? I am ready for a warmer place any time now.

Baby hat

So is a blueberry gender neutral? I am making an adorable little baby hat pattern... But since it is a fruit hat it looks a little girly, I decided on a blueberry since it seems like the most neutral of all.

Never say never...

So, I know I said I would never consider an unassisted home birth because of the DH factor... But I am considering it now. I was thinking that along the lines of playing it by ear and only calling someone if I felt I needed to. The drawback, I couldn't really tell DH my plan. I normally don't encourage this level of concealment in marriage... But mine is a weird case and DH is really not open to the idea at all.

At the insistence of DH I went to a nurse midwife yesterday to hear an "all fine"... And I actually really liked her. We were thinking to visit a "medical professional" a few times during the pregnancy to cover our butts in case of transfer anyway, so I think we will go to her. DH is urging me to consider just delivering in Cheyenne with her, but I don't want to deliver in a hospital if I can avoid it. Maybe she's my back up plan if for some reason I have to deliver in the hospital.

Pregnancy dreams

I have some crazy dreams when I am pregnant... And it seems like last night was the first one for this baby.

I was in the hospital (for some unknown reason) and they were telling me I was going to have to have a c-section. I was alone. I was all gowned up and in a bed in a room waiting for the anesthesiology person and they brought in a really sick guy with bloodshot eyes wasting away in his bed. I got frantic trying to get up to go but I was stuck in the bed for some reason. So, I called my husband on all our numbers and no answer. So I am struggling to get away, and they are telling me I have to stay or I am risking the baby and myself. I am fighting the nurses and doctors and I woke up at that point.

Hmmm, all I can think is that this dream has something to do with the fear of having a baby in the hospital leading to things I don't want... With hospitals being a place for illness not birth. And of course my fear of having another c-section. I have the feeling that this is going to be "the" dream for this pregnancy... Anyone else have dreams like this during pregnancy? My other one is that I realize it must be the day of judgment because I am a midwife and I am pregnant and not only have I delivered several babies that day (it takes place in some kind of camp) but I find myself in labor.

I am a mess, and I am over it

I have been fighting the mess in our house since my DH and I moved in together in 1999. We both tend to be cluttered, and he is a MAJOR pack rat. I have watched as he collects things we don't need. I have had the misfortune to have gotten rid of something only for him to come looking for it a year later. Every time we move I purge... In his mind every time we move I lose things.

So, in spite of the fighting that it causes, I have reached this zen state about a certain percentage of the mess. I am one with the mess. It will never change, and no matter how much DH complains there is simply no way to "organize" his collection of junk. Throw it yes, organize it no. Hmmm, has anyone ever decided on separate houses because of clutter????

DH and the mystery illness, again

In 2003 my husband was hospitalized with an illness that basically boils down to pneumonia... They weren't even sure he was going to make it. Then in 2004 same thing, but this time worse. So they ambulance him to Colorado. Where they do lots of testing and find nothing. Now, here we are again this year and he is in the hospital again with the same thing.

This time, they want to transfer us to National Jewish... Great, but we are afraid of the cost and what happens in the long term there. Are we going to end up losing his job and having thousands in bills? So, we are trying to get him in as a research case or something. After all he is an unknown at this point. Bottom line, we need to go there... The big question is how?????

Please keep him in your dua. We are not walking out of the hospital without a diagnosis and a plan this time. It seems like this thing is just lying in wait, but it is always there.

Modest Maternity?

So, here I am already big... No, huge for dates. Actually, I am thinking I may be really off with my LMP date or something. But, I don't want to have an ultrasound to see where I am because I am uncertain of their safety at this point. So, here I am wondering what's up with a second trimester tummy at 9 weeks. Chalk it up to this being my fourth pregnancy I guess. Anyway....

The whole situation has me thinking maternity clothes. And once again I am going to have to face wading through racks and racks of clothes that I would never wear. But, much to my dismay it seems worse this time than when I was pregnant with Yousuf more than three years ago.

I guess there are some women out there who look great in these fitted, tummy showing type clothes... But what if I would never put a leg in a pair of these stretch jeans and midriff baring t-shirts? What are other hijabis out there doing for maternity clothes? Last time I got some plus size stuff... But I hate it because the top half is always too big and the shoulders on the jumpers keep slipping. They just make them so big across the shoulders!

So, I am thinking I will do what I did when I had the same dilemma with nursing clothes. I am going to make my maternity clothes. I am wondering though... Do you sisters think there is a market for modest maternity clothes out there? I certainly can't seem to find many places selling them. Maybe I should start a website for maternity/nursing clothes for Muslim women. Of course business ventures involving the ummah are unstable at best. Everyone gets things cheaper "back home". Hmmm, been pondering it a lot lately...

Our Eid

So, we have spent the last two days celebrating Eid at our house. The first day was at the mosque here in Laramie. They played games and there was tons of food... Then we went shopping yesterday for some new toys for the kids, new clothes... And last night we had a nice dinner at Red Lobster. Yummy!

Also, right before Eid we went and got two lambs from a local rancher and slaughtered them and cleaned them on his ranch. And as much as I like having the freezer full of fresh halal organic meat... It was a major pain cutting up all that meat!LOL It took us an entire evening. We started at 8pm got to bed at like 3am. But, alhamdulilah, we only do it like once a year. And we got quite a bit of meat from these lambs. Maybe I would be more enthusiastic about it if I wasn't the type of person who can live without meat.

Anyway, overall we had a pretty good Eid. Insha'Allah we can do some better planning for the next Eid an it will be even better!

Fess up

OK, so I have to fess up to something... I kinda miss celebrating the holidays (as in thanksgiving and Christmas).

I hope I am not alone in this, but every year as the holiday season rolls around I grow a little nostalgic thinking of Christmas trees and holiday baking. Maybe I could chalk it up feeling like the Islamic holidays are not a big event here in the states... Maybe it is some sort of wanting to retreat to an easier time in my life... I can't say for sure.

I am not bagging on Muslim holidays by any means. I just feel like some days I would really love to be baking a turkey in the oven and decorating a tree. Not because of the holiday it represents, but because of the sort of cultural holiday season it all represents. Religion was never a big part of the holidays in my family, we were strictly consumer American holiday types.

I guess it honestly just amounts to a weakness in iman of some sort. And I think it is also about me not feeling settled in my life even though we have a family and technically should be settled. Anyway, I just wanted to share... Thinking I can't be totally alone in this!

Edit right after posting:
I was just thinking that a big factor could also be the familiarity of American holidays. I know them well... No invention, just family tradition. As a Muslim family we are caught between our two cultures trying to make holiday traditions of our own, and it is just plain hard.