Hadith about sisters and daughters
2 years ago
Friday, June 27, 2008
This is not my beautiful life...
You know the song Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads? I have always loved that song... And right now I feel I am living it. I feel as if I am driving through someone elses life or something. I don't know what it is... Maybe I was too into the book I just read, The Time Traveler's Wife, or something. Have you ever had that feeling?
I am longing for a house, a "normal" life... And I can't imagine that this mess of obligations and businesses all crammed into this little apartment is ACTUALLY my life. I always thought I would have a 9-5 type husband with a job and a tidy little benefits package. I also always thought I would have a house and spend my time shuttling the kids to and from violin lessons and soccer practice... Maybe have friends over for dinner on Saturday nights... And a family vacation once a year to someplace warm...
I am numb from all the things that are my daily life. I have so many dramas that they don't even seem like dramas at all anymore. DH asks me "What will move you?" when something goes on and I just sit back... Well, very little these days because if I went into panic mode over every little thing I would be in an in-patient treatment facility. But living like this is getting to me. Yesterday DH was watching a TLC show about a family with 8 kids (John and Kate Plus 8) and he remarked how nice the house was even though they had 8 kids, and how he wished he had a house like that. I laid into him. "Yea, well they have a garage and a basement... They have probably over 4000 sq feet and they can keep the kids stuff out of the main areas!!!" I yelled with as much venom as I could muster. And you know what? I was really mad about it. I got to thinking how silly our situation is, and how we are waiting for this daycare and wasting our money on all these businesses and I was really ready to explode. I laid in bed all day... And I can't really afford to do that. The nice thing was DH had the kids clean and when I finally got up to cook dinner the house was better than I had left it in the AM...
I don't know how to get myself back into the shoes of this person whose life I am living... I feel like I am watching things happen and I have no control. I'm just a gerbil on a wheel, running and running but getting nowhere. **big sigh** Am I weird or have any of you ever felt this way?
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6 comments:
Well. I believe it's not just you. We all getting stress out by man..Yes..Man!!They almost the same doesn't matter what their background is..
My husband keep dreaming to do his own business. I stick on my feet tight as I say before I married I try as I can not to married a businessman. My father is a businessman. I know how it feel. I know how my mum feel and how me as a daughter feel. I had enough as that's my life. Money is nice though after hard work. But, money can't buy everything.
I love business too. But, at the moment I keep it only as a dream which I don't bother to make it true. I do have the life that I dream now. Hubby go 8-4. I had nice house although rented. Not too much money just enough to may be go for short holiday every year and support children education. Well, in a way no stress at all. I know how stress it can be with our own business..You must be very strong!!
I like reading your post..can you please keep writing. It's very honest from your heart.
"Am I weird or have any of you ever felt this way?"
Ahhh... Every day of my life.
Please take care of yourself or you'll end up in the hospital like me!
We all get in a funk, but you have got to remember to take care of yourself! I know, easier said than done...
How come us moms always seem to be the last ones all the time? Because we let ourselves. Start taking a short chunk of time out for yourself. Whether it be to paint your nails, a short walk, whatever. Maybe it will help. And when your mood starts to uplift, perhaps the hub will see it and try to seriously make a change.
All the best to you, dear.
*HUG* I wondered where you had gone. I was glad to see a new post but sad to see you are dealing with so much. I know that feeling of wanting to have more space. We have a lot more than you do but I still think of people who have 2000 square feet and what I would do with that space. *HUG*
From one Egyptian's wife to another . . .
My husband also has his own business and I am thankful that we have a house of our own. I often fantasize about having a big house with lots of space. And then I think of my kids not sitting in the kitchen with me playing, but instead in a playroom and I know that is NOT what I'd want. I love that our stuff is crammed and kids don't have a 'playroom'. We spend time together as a family and we enjoy each other in our cramped house.
Plus, think of the expenses of such large homes - the unaffordable mortgage, the heating and a/c bills. I'd rather spend the little extra we have on trips to the amusement park and zoo!
The grass is not always greener.
Thanks sisters for your thoughts...
Ummi, Thanks, I try to write what I feel...
Surviving, I know!!! You are not the only one telling me that.
I-Oman, I have been trying to take time to write. It just sees like I always have so many other things to do!!!
UmmHana, It isn't just the space girl... There are so many things in our life right now... **Big sigh**
Anon, I hear you. The sad part about our situation is that we do have payments and stress... It's just for businesses instead of a house:( I think I would be less stressed if we were just living on our income. As it is we have tons going out to businesses that will, insha'Allah, bring a return later. So I see the money, but we can't have it!!! WAHHHHHH
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