This week I need to...

I have so many things to do this week, and I am determined to get them done... But I always manage to slack off. I made dua this morning for help with all the things I have to do... I need it. So, here it is:

-Get the kids ready for their Goha presentations. DS is doing a story about tricking 2 thieves and he will dress as Goha and tell it in first person. Layla is doing the story above about Goha teaching his son a lesson while walking with a donkey through town. She will do a storyboard to go along with it. So, i need to complete the display of the story board and make DS's jilbab.

-Get my bathroom ready to try and have someone come in and put tile on our peeling plaster shower wall.

-Get my house in order and picked up so I can bring someone to help clean before my SIL comes from Egypt maybe as soon as this weekend (not that I can afford that, but I will be SOOOOO embarrassed if I don't have it clean at least the living room carpet).

-Do the piles of laundry in the upstairs hallway.

-Get some kind of sleeping arrangement for my SIL figured out, and hopefully figure out some solutions for if SIL #2 comes with.

-Bake cupcakes for the sale on Friday.

-Try not to have a nervous breakdown about doing all of the above!!!

I HATE shopping!!!

I used to LOVE shopping. No, really. Especially for shoes. I was known for my unique shoes. I had my "utility" pair of birks, but everything else was an original. I think I did some serious damage to my feet shoving them into platforms. And I had a thing for tall boots with short skirts. I'm short you see, and long dresses and loose clothes will inevitably leave me looking frumpy and grandma-ish. So along with the normal changes that go with becoming an actual adult and having to dress like one, I am also still struggling with how to rock the modesty thing. You see once I was stripped of my platforms and my baby-doll dresses, my retro chic thrift-store finds, I was left with very little in my wardrobe. I had a total of maybe 2 pairs of drawstring pants, 1 skirt and 2 shirts that I could wear when I converted. And I solved the problem with a few jilbabs. They were the overcoat style and I liked them for teaching, they looked professional. Then I moved to Wyoming and married a man who thinks jilbabs are for the porter's (AKA doorman's) wife. And the wardrobe thing has been a problem ever since.

So I guess it's no surprise that I HATE shopping. Of course when I have to take the kids it's a nightmare. Any mom with more than one will have that problem. But even when I go on my own I find myself staring blankly at rack after rack and finding nothing. Then you add into it that everything I like DH will hate and everything he suggests I will hate... It just sucks the joy right out of the experience!!!

I guess all hijabis here in the states suffer from this to some degree, but I am getting down to a bare closet here and I will have to face my shopping demons soon. I just don't know where I am supposed to shop, or even what I am looking for. Every time I buy something I am compromising, and nothing fits me correctly. You see, I am short... No, shorter than that. 5 feet in shoes short. So, everything is long through the arms and the waist is in the wrong place. So, I have trouble finding things that don't look goofy because the "waist" is cinching the chunky part of my belly. And though I consider the top of my knuckles the correct length for a long sleeve (I used to loop my thumbs through before it was cool and they made juniors Shirts that way) when the shoulders slump and the arms are 2-3 inches over the end of my hand, it's too much.

So here I am, the one bright spot in my shopping trips is Sephoria (cosmetics). And I end up buying clothes that don't fit and don't reflect my personality. I feel like such a frump. I just wish I could find even one outfit that made me feel great. Oh, and if I could find a store that consistently carried even something as basic as loose shirts that actually cover my behind... That would just be icing.

So:P on shopping. Maybe someday I will find a way to enjoy it again but for now it's a chore.

getting to know your local ER

There isn't a mom out there who hasn't taken their child to the ER at least once. If you have four you just multiply that... So I know the local ER pretty well, and they know me. I am sitting there right now because it looks like DS#2 has chicken-pox. Lovely right? See, I knew I shouldn't have let the public health nurse guilt me into the vaccine!LOL

But what I really want to say is a little alhamdulilah.

Alhamdulilah I live in a place where the state makes sure kids can afford to go to the ER even if their parents don't have a job with insurance.

Alhamdulilah I am here for something simple and totally treatable.

Alhamdulilah for how long it has been since DH was the one I was here with (masha'allah).

Alhamdulilah I live in a time and place where a minor childhood illness is not life threatening.

Anyway, alhamdulilah.

Cupcakes for a bake sale...

The kids are having a bake sale at school... They are on a university campus so they will be selling them in the student union during lunch. I have 2 kids in 2/3 which is the group doing the sale so today was my first day and my next one is on a few weeks away. I made 2 dozen lemonade cupcakes (basically replace half the liquid in a white cake with frozen lemonade concentrate and add a couple drops of yellow to the batter). And I think the next ones will be spiced chai... Don't you just love cupcakes?

I am also working on the kid's presentations on folktales. I am doing Goha, so I need two different stories (one per kid). I know I'm doing the one about the nail... Do any of you know another good one? I have some books coming from Amazon, but any thoughts would help!

Toys for boys...

It's hard to find things to make for the boys, but I got a great book at Barnes and Noble called Creepy Cute Crochet and I have been having some fun with it. This is a knight (maybe 5 inches tall so it works up QUICK) I did for my oldest son since he seems to be into knights right now for some reason. Next I'm doing a cute little monkey with a fez to hang in the car and a ninja for DS #2.

call me book dork...

You know you are a bibliophile when you spend your free day out of town book shopping. And when you find yourself giddy when faced with a warehouse of Islamic books. And when you total up your spending on said books and realize you have really passed your 100$ limit. And then you go to Barnes and Noble and spend even more...

Not that I'm talking about me here **blushing** but like if that stuff happened that girl would definitely be a book dork... **grin**

Book suggestions???

I am trying to add a new habit to my life every 30 days... Do something useful every day for 30 minutes until I have a new habit. This month, study religion for 30 minutes every day. So, any books I should read??? Audiobooks, podcasts, internet videos are all especially welcome. Thoughts? What are your favorites? Of course something that requires thought, but not anything too dry. I know, I'm asking a lot when we are talking translations for the most part I know... And any tips on reading without freaking out over poor grammar and misused words obviously gleaned directly from the pages of an Arabic to English dictionary are always welcome!LOL

Being religious without being plastic...

Can it be done? I always have the feeling that I am one of those converts who just sounds plastic when they start talking deen. Have you ever noticed how silly it is when a person who doesn't really mean it is all, alhamdulilah, masha'Allah, and so on? It is very rare that I meet a person who can tell a story about God in their life without sounding like someone bearing witness to a tel-evangelist.

Have you ever wondered if seeming a little fake is just the nature of being a convert? Or maybe the nature of being religious in general... Maybe it's because along with the religion we try to adopt the culture. Or maybe I'm just over-critical. I try hard to be myself... Sometimes that is strict, sometimes I am pretty relaxed... And I think that I probably make some converts pretty uncomfortable with it sometimes. But I try to be upfront with my views.

It's one of the things I think we all have to work on in our lives if we want to progress as a religious group beyond practicing the deen within the context of a culture. I mean, if we are all just putting on the good Muslim mask doing what we think other Muslims expect us to do, saying what is widely accepted... How will we ever progress?

So I propose that we should all do what we believe. You have a cultural background that you can keep if it doesn't conflict with the religion, and that's OK. And if you are uneducated and not sure... Find an answer. Don't just become a convert doll saying the things you have heard when someone pulls your string. Own your answers. Own your deen. And hopefully you won't feel plastic at all, ever.

New doll

Here are some pictures of a doll I just finished. Insha'Allah it will go to meet its little girl soon;)

Conversations with my 2 year old

So lately I have been telling the older children to give the 2 year old some room when she gets into their things, bugs them, cries for something they have, whatever. I tell them, "She's just being a toddler, be patient with her." So yesterday I was in the kitchen and I heard the sound of small objects skittering across linoleum and I looked behind me to see the 2yo pouring a package of mini m&m's through the tube in the paper towel out onto the floor of the kitchen and watching them as they went everywhere in the kitchen and under all the appliances. I stood looking at her not knowing what to say, and she saw me. She finished the package and then looked up at me, "Is this being a toddler?". Well, I guess it is!LOL

Capturing the muse...

I don't know about how other creative types work, but I don't choose when I can muster up the full force of my creative mind on something. So, when I heard the title of a lecture series for educators here in WY was Teaching Creativity... It brought to mind the two major questions I have always had about creativity.

Is creativity innate, or can it be learned?

Can creativity be forced or directed?

Well, here's my answer as a performer, writer, and generally right-brained person. Creativity is innate, and you can't force or direct it (much to the chagrin of people like myself).

You know the chorus of that song by Sara Bareilles where the chorus says "I'm not gonna write you a love song 'cause you ask for it, 'cause you need one." For me it's like that. I don't choose what inspires me, and it isn't always logical. I can't set out to write (poems are the worst) about something because I want to write on a certain topic. Things either come to me or they don't. It was the hardest thing about being a live performer playing characters... It would sometimes take me a long time before I saw that character in my mind, before the whole thing came to me. And I still can't choose to write a poem, I can't sit down to do that before it comes to me spontaneously. I have often wondered how artists paint commissioned works. How do they draw inspiration to do something someone else is choosing for them? And writing for a deadline must be really hard. I think this must be where the myth of the muses comes from. People knew that things just came to you, and they wanted a reason that would explain why creativity couldn't just be turned on when you needed it.

What I do think we can do for our children is offer them a variety of creative arts so they can find their niche. Somewhere inside of us all there is some small seed of creativity, and I do think we can help our children to nurture that. I want my kids to try all sorts of mediums as they grow, maybe they will find something they love. But I disagree with the idea that I can teach them to "be creative". Do you see what I mean?

This is where you see that some people are crafty, and some are artistic. You can see it when you go to classes for arts and crafts. The person who has a very logical brain will produce a replica of the instruction sheet. The artistic person (if they dig the project) will somehow give it their own flair.

I wish we would just accept that you can't force someone to love and be inspired by anything. You can't teach someone to love reading novels. No matter how good they are technically at reading. You just can't, and what a crazy disorganised world it would be if we all just went around pursuing artistic endeavors. We NEED the diversity of logical and creative... So I hope they NEVER find a way to teach creativity, or logical thinking for that matter.

Go rent it NOW!!!

I will admit that as DH has accused me of in the past I like to rent things that CAIR hates... Or protests or whatever because I like to form my own ideas about the work. I'm a rebel like that. And the NAME of this movie was disliked by CAIR. They made the argument that it would normalize the insult and more people would feel free to say it. I don't agree with that argument. See, it doesn't matter how much you hear a racial slur... It's still a racial slur. Just pause and think... How many times would you have to say nigger before it would be acceptable vernacular? Yeah, no way. Anyway, I digress.

This movie has some strong sexual content. And some strong messages about the sexuality of young women... But just like the director's other film American Beauty (another must see) it really dissects and lays open for you such a tender time in the main character's life. And wow. I saw it last night and I am still thinking about it today. DH didn't watch it, but I have told him the whole thing!!! So, go watch and just think deep thoughts about it. I know I did.

And so you know, I think she could've been from any minority group and the film would have been the same basically. It just needed a conservative cultural backdrop... So don't think it's all anti-Arab or anything. It's not. It is about racism though... Among other things.

Answering tags.....

I got tagged twice for this one, and of course I want to say thank you to the moms who tagged me and the best way to do that is to post it!
Umm Nassim from Islamic Unit Studies and Mona from Mama Mona
Here are the rules of this tag:

1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom). Once you have written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. Remember you are a good mom!

2. Remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you!

OK, so here are my answers...
1. I lack the patience I once had... And I don't get down on the floor/in the dirt/on the grass/wherever and play with my kids. Being a playful parent has always been important to me and somewhere along the line I lost touch with that.

2. I. I love that my kids will try almost anything.
II. I love playing in the bath with my 2 year old.
III. I love the way my youngest son keeps trying at something until he gets it.
IV. I love how well my oldest daughter draws, and how she sees things with an artist's eyes.
V. I love taking my kids to the movies.
VI. I love taking naps cuddled up with the baby.
VII. I love the way all of the kids smell fresh out of the bath. (don't we all!)

3. I tag... Well...
Ruqayyah from Bipolar Muslimah
Surviving
Mona from The Imam's Daughter
UmmYehiya from Goodnight Lamplight
Umm Ibrahim from Stranger in This Dunya

And also thanks to UmmHasan from The Muslim Clothing Store for the award ;)

Alhamdulilah (my washer is running again!!!)

So after being prompted by DH and the prospect of shelling out $150 for the pump on my washer, I searched the internet and found a no cost solution. It seems that these Whirlpool Duet HE washers have a filter under the front kick plate right before the pump that you can just turn (there's a little handle) and pull out. People on repair sites were saying that this could clog up and cause the same error as the pump being bad... So I popped off the kick plate (after moving Mt. Laundry from in front of the washer) and pulled it out. I found nasty gray rotting things clogging the filter to the point where they took the shape of the opening including, but not limited to... A baby sock, costume jewelry, popsicle sticks, ball pint pens, paperclips and slime. I dumped the stuff, cleaned the filter and popped it all back in. I am on my second load with no error... Which, insha'Allah, is a sign that I won't be hauling butt to the laundry-mat this week. Alhamdulilah.

It has occurred to me...

So I am seeing the fact that I haven't been a properly social blogger these days, and I want to say I'm sorry. I am just busy and I don't mean to offend. So, if i haven't answered a comment, made one on your blog, or replied to a tag. I know it, and it's nothing personal... I am trying to work out a time when I can be on the computer and do more than just blurk, so I'll be back... In the mean time, don't hate me cause I'm anti-social!!! You all know I love you, right?

Random thoughts on a random day...

I am running around trying to get things cleaned up while DH has the kids out for the day and I always have these random thoughts that aren't really posts, more like post seedlings. So I thought today I would share the torturous labyrinth of profundity that is my mind when I should be thinking about the task at hand!LOL

here they are in bullets not numbers, since numbers would feel like I'm ordering them by some criteria in my mind.

**DH should study the deen and open a question and answer session like they have at Azhar... The only problem would be that sometimes he would have to like follow you for the day and get to know you before he would answer. Seriously, I would call it "Fiqh you can use", "Fiqh for this century" or "Fiqh for the rest of us". Really, that guy is the master of analyzing situations and people. Except me, but that's another story:P

**I think that I am going to have to tear my book that I have been working on apart and re-vamp the entire thing rather than re-writing it. The storyline came to me while I was polishing the stainless steel kitchen sink the other day. (don't think I'm a clean freak, 'cause I'm a mess... I'm using a program called flylady where the first step is to shine your kitchen sink.)

**I really want to see that new movie "Coraline" I'm dying to know what the whole button eyes thing is about.

**I can't find the book for my book club on tape. Which means that I can't listen and then read it to let it absorb properly. This strangely bums me out.

**People sometimes get upset that "foreigners" are "stealing" people away from marrying people from the same country. Trust me, if you marry a foreigner (assuming you are happy) there was no way you were going to get along with a spouse from your culture. Something about you was always a little outside the norm, for you different fits.

**Trash seems to breed in my house. I think there were more cans on the tables than I remember seeing anyone drink since yesterday.

**I get obsessive when using Lysol. We are on the second week of a stomach flu and my only good idea so far is that the boys are somehow re-infecting themselves... So I got out the Lysol to do their room. Before I knew it I had stripped every bed in the house and sprayed it liberally. And the door handles. And the light switches. Needless to say I had to arrange proper ventilation shortly after.

**Audiobooks are my friends.

**I need to start planning my menus again, and when I do I will start posting to my yahoo group for menu planning again. Insha'Allah.

**We just changed insurance and I am going crazy wondering if I made the right choice!!! It changes on the 15th and I keep hedging on it. In theory ours now is better, but they have all these exclusions and find a way not to pay anything.

**After sitting through the movie of "The Yacoubian Building" and being able to tell who was who and what they were saying before DH could translate it (they stuck pretty close to the book) DH is pressing my to get my masters in Lit. Something I may actually do.

**Like I said, I am following a program called Flylady and one of the things you do is get up and dressed and ready for your day before the family. That means showered, dressed, face fixed and ready to go out the door. Usually I don't get dressed until after dropping the kids off. Since I started doing this, DH is convinced I'm trying to impress someone at the kid's school:P

OK, OK... Enough randomness. You get the idea. These are the things that roll around in my head while I clean... What about you?

women and friendship

One of the things I have been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that I don't have friends here in WY. This leads to the general subject of women and our generally social nature. Yes, even those of us who feign disdain of society and such in general.

Women are not like men in their need for friends. You will never see a man complaining that his BFF broke up with him. No. Men seem blissfully unaware of the status of their friendships and can pick up and leave off with other male friends without a thought. Unless a friend really crosses some line (and even then sometimes) men don't stop being friends. And it seems that men don't obsess about things like not having a social life outside of work. They go with the flow. They are fine as a lone hunter.

Women, on the other hand are more symbiotic. They NEED friends. Having friends keeps them going. Having friends is the reason that they care about their wardrobe and their home decor. Think about it for a minute? Does your DH notice your new bag (before he sees the bank statement)? Are you impressing him with your new shoes? No. Women are constantly working within the female half of our social structure.

So, being left out of it for any significant period leaves us floundering. And I am so there right now. I need a friend to go places with. To have tea with. To swap hijabs with. **sigh** But I just don't fit in with women here in WY. I could blame the bias they have against Muslims... But it goes deeper than that. I'm just different fundamentally. I don't fit in here. WY is a very closed social structure, and I know that other people not from here must experience it too.

I guess I just I'm just saying think about it. I hope you are all grateful for the friends you have, because being cut off is a struggle.

My washer hates me :(

As usual I have a huge pile of laundry and there are even more loads than usual this week because the kids have the flu. I don't want to get graphic here, but they are the kind of loads that can't wait. And my moody HE washer is giving me an error and shutting off about 10 times during an average cycle. I heard it beeping the error code just now and I am only rinsing a load!!! I am seriously annoyed with my laundry situation at this point. I am running the dryer for 2 hours every time I dry because it sucks, and I am doing smaller loads since the washer is acting up... And even with that the whole process is not making a dent in my laundry pile. It takes me a whole afternoon to wash and dry one load!!!

OK. So if you read that a woman in WY loaded her washer on the truck and then took it out into the woods to shoot it... You will know that's me.

You might be missing the point...

Just a ha ha kinda thing from me... Don't be offended, I know we girls want to look our best... Just have a laugh.


Top 10 clues that you might be a little too concerned about looking good in your hijab (therefore kinda missing the whole point of hijab)...

10. You once put hairspray on your hijab by mistake.

9. You have enlisted the services of a Veil Designer/ Hijab stylist.

8. You have "bad hijab" days.

7. You have missed people knocking at your door because putting on your hijab took so much time that they thought you weren't home.

6. You have excused yourself on outings to check on your hijab (and not because it was slipping off).

5. You have complicated diagrams hanging next to your mirror that instruct you on styling your hijab in various ways.

4. You are often asked, "How do you do that with your scarf?".

3. You have more ways to style your hijab than you have fingers to count them on.

2. You leave your hijab on when at home because taking it on and off requires too much effort.

And finally...

1. You have a secret fear that you are now actually prettier with your hijab ON.

DIY until I die

As an American I take DIY projects for granted. I don't know if DH's background is typical Egyptian, or typical for Cairo... But my MIL and FIL had people (servants DH would call them, but I say workers). I don't think DH had held a hammer until he moved here. They called someone to hang a picture. My MIL had a sewing machine, but a lady came once a week and did the mending for her. The thing she did do was knitting... Hats, sweaters, socks, everything. But it was like a "look how useful I can be while waiting for my kids at the club" thing.

So imagine my DH's surprise when the first thing I ever asked him for was a sewing machine... And how shocking it was when he found out I could actually use it. I won't talk about his reaction to sewing Layla's diapers!!!

Well, I LOVE that kinda stuff. The first time I ever got a flat tire my dad made me change it. I used to change my own oil in college. I made my prom dress. I traveled to fashion conscious Tokyo wearing dresses I made myself carrying a quilt as a gift for my hostess. I made my first hijabs and jilbabs. Yes, I was DIY gal when DIY wasn't cool. Which doesn't always make sense to DH.

For me there is a rush to coloring my own hair, putting in a garbage disposal, making a dress, putting diapers I made myself on a baby, giving a gift I made, serving homemade bread... Even though I don't have as much time as I would like, I do like to do things myself. And this is a pleasure lost on my DH.

The famous example DH gives (and if you ever want to hear it just bring me an apple pie someday) is that I once spent $10 on the stuff to make an apple pie and DH saw one in the store the next day for $5. And that is how his mind works. DIY only makes sense if it saves you money... Is this a DH thing? An Egyptian thing? An Engineer thing? I may never know. All I know is that I think he's missing out on some real fun!LOL