Muslim wife vs American woman

I was thinking about how I sometimes feel this dichotomy, this weird war that I have to mediate inside my head between the Muslim wife and the American woman. Most of the time the Muslim wife wins... But I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels this?

The Muslim wife says, just listen to your husband... The American woman says, you're an adult and you have your own way of doing things. The Muslim wife says have patience with him... The American woman says, screw him, you can do it on your own. UmmAbdulrahman made a comment on someone's blog the other day that Muslim women forget that they have the right to be happy... Yes we do. So I wonder sometimes how do I draw the line between being accommodating and being a doormat? It seems that the Muslim wife in me is always pushing for patience no matter what, but maybe that is wrong... Maybe we are better Muslim wives by taking a stand when it is needed. Maybe there is a moment where the American side should be giving us the backbone to stand up for the deen, our children, and ourselves. Is there a way to meld the two into an ideal one? Allah knows I am trying.

Into the woods to grandmother's house...

Well, I am up early getting ready for a trip to Denver today... Or at least that was my plan. I didn't really get up early enough to get everything done and now I am wondering what I was thinking not just staying up last night. I always THINK I will get up early and after 32 years you would think I would know that I won't. Oh, I'll wake up... And drowsily mill around praying and nursing the baby, then right back to bed. Actually, the baby knows my alarm and will wake up when it goes off, so my first order of business is always putting her back to sleep... Then good luck keeping me awake. So, I'll be scrambling to pack (as usual) at 2 in the afternoon when we need to leave by 3.

I have been considering just staying here and letting DH take the kids for the weekend. But he won't hear anything of it. Not like he cherishes the time with me or anything, he just wants to stay in the hotel and sleep all day while I take the kids out. Well, anyway... I guess I should get back to work or something. ugh.

I need a vacation...

Well, I can't believe that January has come and gone so quickly... Here we are at the end on the month and I feel like I just rang in the New Year. I have been trying to get things organized around the house. The playroom is becoming a girl's room, and hopefully the shelves I spent a day installing for DH in his work area will get used. Although after 3 weeks I am wondering how likely that really is. You can lead a horse to water, right?

I would love to take a break... But of course that would be unlikely if not impossible. You see one of the secrets that no one tells you about getting married and having kids is that you no longer get vacations. Oh, you will attend family vacations in a fun facilitator capacity... But it will not be a vacation for you. At least not until the kids are old enough to stay behind with a family member. Hmm, I think the DH would have to stay behind to really. Insha'Allah, when my kids are old enough I am organizing a mommies only vacation... Walahi.

I am trying to work around construction at my business... And trying to build a new referral business (if you are interested in all natural cleaners, bath products and supplements drop me a line and I can tell you about it). I'm not really busy so much as I just wish I could focus on one thing. I am considering closing my store front if this referral business picks up as I hope it will. I would be able to do that from home. But then we get into the whole DH sleeping at home thing... So I think I would keep the location of my store as an office. I had to give up so much space in this construction process that it makes more sense as more of an office now anyway.

I think change is hard... And if I had to say where my stress comes from it would be lack of routine. It just seems like every day is different, and I think when you have young kids it is easier to have a routine. I would love to say that this will change... But I doubt it. One of the things that you give up when running a business is routine, there are different things to deal with every day. Sometimes that is good, most of the time I find myself recoiling when my plans get dashed by an "emergency".

Well, life goes on as they say. Insha'Allah all you fellow bloggers are well. I plan to read around checking up on all ya'll tonight;)

Meme, 6 weird things...

OK Surviving... Like there are only three!LOL Well here are the 6 wired things about me that I will try to place in some sort of order from almost normal to entirely bizarre:

6. I hate getting little hallmark type gifts from the men in my life. I know, but you see I'd really prefer that my man gets me something useful. I may be the only woman alive who actually would actually prefer a mixer to a pair of sapphire earrings... And incidentally my first Eid gift from DH was a freezer:)

5. I learned how to use handguns in college... And I keep saying I'm going to teach DH.

4. I have read every Anne Rice novel written, with the exception of those written under her pen name, Anne Rampling. They are crazy.

3. I am weary of western medicine. When I get diagnosed with anything I hit the books and try to find out the whole picture of the thing through all views. My DH calls my practices of using natural cures and alternative medicine "voodoo". He will ask me when I he is sick, "Do you have any voodoo for this?"...

2. I have a love/hate relationship with my TV. I love to watch TV. My favorite show being CSI, and then I am a learning channel (and all it's off shoots) junkie. I will watch almost anything on discovery health channel. I watch the birth shows just to torture myself I think though... Because I am always sitting there screaming "That is so unnecessary!!!" or "That's normal and they are treating it like a condition!".

Oh yeah, the hate part... I think TV lowers your IQ, and I wish I could throw mine away because if it is there I will watch it. And of course I think the kids REALLY don't need it.

1. So the wierdest thing about me, IMHO. I can read for hours and hours on end. I get interested in something and I get kinda obsessed... I will read everything I can find on the topic for weeks. I have a hard time doing this now because of the kids, but it is still there... I will stay up late reading and looking things up on the internet.

It's the end of the world as we know it...

This is a response that became a post:

Thanks sisters, I have been away from the comp and it was nice to see all your support. Yes to all of it... I have been working on a what if plan... How that will look I don't know right now. I wish I could say that DH will be able to make hajj, but with his health I don't know. Allahu Alim.

I guess the important thing is to take it one day at a time. There are things in the works that insha'Allah would allow DH to slow down in his job. I pray that they happen quickly and without too much nonsense.

I don't know that I really believe this is happening. Wiley, is that how you felt?

In all this I am planning the what ifs of my death too... Which is a little scary. I think we should all do it if we can. Purchase a plot, set aside the bucks.... Whatever has to be done. In our case we are moving towards that, something we have been saying we would do for years now.

The one thing that has changed is the moving to Egypt thing... Now we are really facing the questions of whether or not it is a good idea considering that I might be alone. Any thoughts from sisters who live there? Could I do it alone (assuming I had a financial plan and remembering that I have not yet learned Arabic)?

I just feel a little numb right now. We heard all this and then came home and life went on, 4 kids and two businesses right? ***big sigh***