Wednesday, March 21, 2007


If you have a girl in this generation that will have to be vaccinated for HPV by age 11, read this article and think about it. I have been harping on my suspicions that this vaccine might be a mistake and is mostly about money... I think this researcher is just the tip of the iceberg.

Top researcher: 'Untested' vaccine could harmSays HPV 'experiment' on girls might even increase cancer rate

**Sorry that I don't have a link, but stupid new version of blogger wouldn't accept my html for a link, anyone know about this?**

Monday, March 19, 2007

Does not play well with others

So, I am wondering if what is happening with me is normal married person stuff or not... I am feeling like a big failure in this whole partnership of marriage thing.

For the past few days I have been in the new apartment and my DH has been in the mobile home getting his things in order (theoretically anyway). And aside from having to clean two kitchens every day... I am much happier this way. I kinda wish we had the cash to just stay like this.

Maybe I am just happy to have a dining table to eat at and no one calling me to do something every 20 minutes.... I don't know. Is that just shallow selfish and unloving? Maybe because we have four kids I just am not coping very well with a needy adult right now (not that I think he's faking his illness or is just a lazy jerk).

Today for example I got up and made blueberry muffins and sent the kids off with nice lunches I had prepared most of the night before. Layla actually said on the way to school this morning, "Mommy this is the first time we are really ready and on time to school." It broke my heart because I knew what she was saying. I was just there getting them ready and they had a bath and everything the night before and their clothes were all laid out. Normally DH consumes so much of my morning with all his little requests that I end up feeling all rushed... And since his work is all over my dining table I just let the kids eat at a little craft table they have and everything is really loose and I somehow never get things done in time.

Now I will admit that in my discussions about all this with DH he has proposed a solution. Wake up earlier and do all your prep then. But somehow it just doesn't feel the same. No matter how early I get up I feel like I am rushing to get a lunch packed and clothes ready... I am just the type of person that has to do it the night before.

I am more centered when I am not with him. I think most of it is this night job truthfully. I wake up and the kitchen is a mess from him preparing food when he gets up, his clothes are all over the place and no matter how I left things when I went to bed they are always a disaster when I wake up. And for a person like me the overload means I just give up. I don't know anymore. I am starting to think that we are clashing to a point where it is effecting our time with the kids, and the way they are being raised.

I guess the truth is that if I have to choose between being a good mom and a good wife, good mom has to win. But how it is right now I am in the middle and doing a bad job at both. It's like both are a full time job and I am just taking from the one I am not focusing on when I am dealing with the other and both end up being half accomplished.

DH needs a wife with no kids. I think all the time about suggesting to him that he finds a second wife but I think that is not the solution really. What if she wants kids? How can he even commit to someone else when his health is so uncertain and he is not even sure about the security of the family he already has? How would he have us both so involved in his businesses like he wants his wife to be? There is no easy answer. It just seems that in the current situation every ones needs are going unmet, mine included.

Saturday, March 17, 2007


Well, I have been moving things to the new house slowly... And I actually hooked up the comp and YES! High speed interenet without any fees! Wow, I am happy with that. It's the cool thing about where we moved (and why we choose it) no fees for cable, internet, phone, heat, power, NOTHING. Alhamdulilah. We were paying too much for all that at our mobile home. The only bad thing... No Arabic channels for DH. Sorry DH.

I am getting things in order, and running a pretty tight ship as far as getting rid of clutter. However I haven't convinced DH to move anything. I have the bad feeling he will bring tons of stuff... And I have a hard time telling him no. Insha'Allah he will see how nice the no clutter feeling is that he will be inspired to keep things at the office he is making. Oh, and not be tempted to buy too many groceries. Sometimes I wonder if that man grew up in the depression or something the way he loads up on food.

So, here I am in the new place. The beds come tomorrow and we will be here full time. Now if I can just things out of the way for the movers at the old house... Good grief, maybe I should just get a shovel and a dumpster!LOL Wouldn't DH love that;)

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Calgon take me away!

Well, we haven't moved yet. Or rather I haven't moved us yet... And of all weekends to get the flu, I chose this one. I feel like I have been run over by a bus and I spent all of yesterday in the bathroom. To top it off DH had the urge to ask me about the to-do list he made on Thursday night to enquire if I had done it all yet. UGH I think the man has a death wish.

I guess what urks me the most is that he only does things related to his work, and he has this bizarre tendency to complicate things. So, he takes twice as long to get his work done since he goes about it in such a weird way. Sometimes this saves his behind, to be honest... Because he does everything like three times and has double and triple back-ups for everything. But mostly, I think he is making his job harder than it is. Now the weird thing in all of this? He hasn't done billing in so long that we have money out all over the place. Now why be all anal retentive about the parts of the job that don't bring you money to the point where you don't get the parts that do finished? I wish I had an answer.

So I have my to do list which includes some really impossible things (DH is always playing lets make a deal with everyone and lately sends me to do all the work, which I hate) and I have this house to move. I don't know if I will ever get it all done. I have to sell two cars and 14 church pews, get a conditional use (city permit) for our new property, move an old trailer we have (or convince them to break their no rentals rule), and get a handy man to start on the trailer we are living in so I can sell it. Who knows how huge a bill and a headache all this will be. Can you say OVERWHELMED? This man needs an assistant, not a wife.

All of this really messes with my head to tell you the truth. We are like rats on a wheel... He thinks we are investing and getting ahead, I think we are getting ourselves in too deep with all these complicated things. But this is from a woman who has been running a store for almost three years and hardly ever seeing any real profit from it, so I guess I am biased. And I guess I am irritated that all these new things are all about me. I am the one who has to do all the work for all these new projects. I don't really want to work more than I do. Insha'Allah it will all work out and we will see some money from this and DH can stop with the work he is doing and get a teaching job or something. And maybe I can actually be at home once in awhile...

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Foreign Relations(hips)

I think there are many of us out there married to people from other countries in my generation. I applaud that, but I think you have to know that you will have to address your differences (and they do exist no matter how much you are convinced you are perfectly compatible in spite of being from different places). IMHO, if you are going to marry a person from a country and culture other than your own I think there should be a few ground rules... Here are a few I have thought of, maybe you have more:

1. Both persons should be amicable to living in the other's country. You never know where you will end up. The only exception I can think of is if one spouses country is just plain unlivable due to war, poverty, whatever...

2. Take off the rose colored glasses. Both spouses have to be willing to see their culture/country for what it is... Faults foibles and all... So be ready to really examine they "why" to how you do things and be flexible if the why has no clear answers.

3. Try to learn your spouse’s native language and have your children learn it too (usually one spouse already speaks the other's language and this is the common tongue for the household). If you are person speaking the his/her native language all the time try to imagine how your spouse feels not being able to speak to his/her own children in their first language.

4. Remember and be considerate of the fact that one of you will always be the foreigner. Before you say no to helping the other person with something remember how you would feel if you were trying to accomplish such a task in his/her country.

5. Make Islam (or whatever your core values are) the tiebreaker in all your decisions. There will be no "cultural norm" sometimes and you will need it.

6. When in doubt, talk it out. You can never assume that you have the same picture of a situation as your spouse (this may go for any marriage) and you don't want to get caught up in this... So make sure you see things the same way (or at least know how the other sees it) before making any life altering decisions.

7. Enjoy the diversity in your family and respect it. Don't let yourself choose one culture and make it the norm, let both cultures thrive. You will find there is good in both.

I'm sure there are more... Post them if you can think of any!