IUD update

So, I got the IUD this afternoon as planned. It went well, alhamdulilah. The midwife told me to get ready for a pinch and a big cramp... But I didn't feel anything, masha'Allah.The midwife told me I must have a high threshold of pain, I am thinking I was lucky!LOL Also I think I just feel pain differently than some people. Whenever I feel pain I tend to have stomach problems. Weird, but consistent. I has always happened to me the day before and the first few days of my period and in early labor. Maybe that's my body's version of cramps. OK, I may have just given you more information than you ever wanted to have!LOL

I guess I am saying, so far so good. Masha'Allah. Now I just have to convince the DH that there is nothing to be afraid of since both of my SIL's have been telling him about people getting pregnant with the IUD! GOOD GRIEF!!!!

YUMMMM!

I must confess that I get obsessed about things sometimes... I get an idea and I keep researching and planning and learning more than I really need to know. My latest obsession in jam. I have become interested in the process of making jam and canning in general. I am making strawberry jam this afternoon, insha'Allah. I even made the fresh bread to go with the test batch!LOL

Now, I am making plans to make pickles and can vegetables. Is getting fixated on canning wierd? I hope not.

If you haven't seen him yet....

I have been following this brother's videos for quite some time. He makes me laugh, he makes me think. If you haven't seen him yet, check it out.Ummah FilmsThanks for this one brother Aly, you really did remind me.

Say hello to my little friend....

I know that it may be slightly controversial for a Muslim woman to publicly discuss her birth control choices, but I figure if no one ever talks we will all just be in the OB's office starting and that BC chart and thinking, "HUHHHHHH?". So, here I go.

I have been going through the BC thing since my baby was born a year ago in search of an option that actually makes sense for me. See, I got pregnant on the mini-pill and had some mind numbing headaches after the third round of Depo... So it was time for a new option. I have revisited the BC thing after my last three pregnancies and tried something new every time.

When I was not really serious about BC after our first child (we were spacing not really preventing) I used a diaphragm. Now, for those of you who have never even used a tampon or checked your own cervix... A diaphragm might be a little odd for you. But, once you get used to it you can do it pretty quickly. My Dr (family friend) at the time told me I could always teach my DH to put it in and then I wouldn't have to break the mood. "I thought you knew my DH? Maybe I should introduce you sometime... His name is _____!" was my response. But maybe there are people who that would work for. For the rest of us it requires a bathroom break, and a generous application of spermicide (which changes vaginal PH and cause more frequent infections for some women).

Then, I went to the mini-pill. No mood breaking, no interfering with breastfeeding... And I got pregnant with my third child when our son was about 9 months old. To be fair, I wasn't taking it at the same hour every day like I was supposed to... But I was always taking it before bed, so go figure. I don't really promote it because I feel it may not be enough hormone to interrupt the cycle for all women.

Then, now gun-shy, I wouldn't let them send m home from the hospital without a depo-prevara injection. They are a time release hormone and they last about 3 months. I got 3 boosters and then headaches and irregular bleeding forced me to consider other options. We went to spermicides until we were ready to get pregnant again.

This time... Well, I started out with the nuvo-ring. It worked fine (less side effects than the pill) but even after the adjustment period of two months I was suffering from a reduced milk supply. So, I took it out. Now, if I wasn't nursing it would've been fine. But, in the long run I would rather stay away from hormonal BC. So... I talked to my midwife AGAIN who told me that I might want to consider what she has always relied on, a copper IUD. So, we agreed I would just come in next time I had my period (since that is when it is easiest to insert) and that's now. So, Monday I go in and get the IUD placed. I am a little nervous about it, but ready to be done with BC conversations and trial and error with hormones.

So, I know you might be thinking that you don't really care to hear about BC... But if you want an actual woman's perspective on it, here you go. I will post Monday about how the procedure went and whether or not it left me considering celibacy as an option!lol

rant

I have been just trying to keep my head above water these days. We drove to Denver the week of the July 4th only to have our car break down halfway there. Now, when there are 6 people in your family you can't just load into the tow truck. Soooo, we waited an hour and a half for a taxi on the side of the freeway (of course we didn't let the tow truck take the car until we left). So now I have my grandma's old car (a vintage station wagon which unfortunately she smokes in) and DH is fighting daily the 1001 complications that have come up in getting our old car fixed.

Also, I am fighting (literally) my DH's moodiness. I am just about fed up really... I know he has things going on in his life, but he has a family and a wife to think about. He told me in an argument the other day that he was "this close" to running away to Egypt. Yeah, real mature. Then you add into it all this stuff we have going on... It doesn't make for a great environment. You know at these moments you ask yourself "Am I the crazy one?" Sometimes I am confident that he is just a demanding person, other times I wonder if I am really just not as hardworking as other wives. Sheesh. I guess the cold hard truth is that I am giving him lots of leeway because the house money is his. He's the only one making money. If I really do get my own income, I'm sure we would fight more because I would want more control over spending. And I don't know where a Muslim man gets off telling his wife that it's her turn to support him for awhile or she "owes him" for supporting the family anyway. It's odd. Ya Rubb!

OK, I'm just ranting and venting... I hope to be back with a more constructive post soon, insha'Allah.

Kefir and kombucha

DH has called my remedies "voodoo" ever since we were married 8 years ago. The only thing that has changed is that he now ASKS for my "voodoo" rather than running from it. I have become interested lately in probiotics... And the result is that I am, insha'Allah, going to start growing my own kefir and kombucha cultures. Basically, they both result in a drink. Kefir is like yogurt (a drinkable consistency) and Kombucha yields a tea which is pretty similar to apple cider. Why???

Drinking "living" drinks has different health benefits depending on the drink you are talking about. Kefir helps balance yeast and grow a healthy environment on your insides for optimal absorption of nutrients and general digestive health. This one is pretty straight forward and like a good yogurt regimen pretty widely accepted as fact. Kombucha tea falls further into the "voodoo" category, but basically the kombucha culture digests the sugar and tea into a slightly vinegary drink with several detoxifying ingredients and some helpful vitamins and enzymes.

I was given a kombucha culture by a friend in college and remember that it did make a pretty drinkable tea that I tryed. Of course I was young and in good health anyway, so I gave up after some time since I really thought I didn't see a drastic improvement in my overall health. Now, with all these things DH is on for his condition... Detoxing seems like a good thing. His liver has already started to show some stress on the blood tests, so I remembered kombucha.

If anyone has thoughts on the whole thing, let me know. I am new to growing kefir, so I might be crying for advice... But I have purchased it from the store in the past and yikes!!! I paid a bundle for the three week course I did to kick a case of thrush I had when the baby was about 2 months old. But, it did work. I even applied it topically for the first week. And I rubbed acidophiles on the baby's tongue every time she nursed (since I was afraid to give her the kefir since it was cows milk). And it worked wonders. I also lost my tummy pillow that I always seem to have. Of course the tummy crept back later!LOL

Ummmm, OK I'm rambling now. Kefir good. Kombucha, hopefully good. Making them at home, good. Amywhoo, back to my whole wheat bread (which hopefully hasn't over-risen).

Yellow polka dot Burqini?

So, DH and I have been contemplating meeting at the local rec center every morning and taking the kids swimming. This leads to my usual question of, "Is it worth it to try to find a modest swimsuit or will DH tease me until I run and hide in the locker room?" Ha Ha.

I think I have settled on making one, but we will have to see how expensive it is to buy that many yards of swimsuit fabric!LOL So, has anyone out there bothered to try these "modest" swimsuits? What do you think of them? I'm thinking no matter how much they suck I am dying to get into the water with the rest of the family!!!!

Of course in looking for images and ideas I came across all sorts of craziness... And if one such crazy person should happen to stumble across my blog. No, these suits are not oppressive. The fact is once you wear hijab and are committed to it you feel naked without it. I know, I know... "How's that?" you ask. Well, everyone has their own standard of modesty. I personally think that most women work hard to overcome the natural feelings of shyness to go out wearing a bikini... I know I did. So if you see a woman in a "modest" swimsuit, please just smile and say, "To each her own." Look, as long as you don't force me to wear your suit... I won't force you to wear mine, deal?

Egyptian Husbands

I have had so many people find me by searching for something to do with marrying an Egyptian... So, I thought I would humor these searchers with my take on being married to an Egyptian. Not to be mistaken for my earlier post on You know your husband is Egyptian when...

Basically, I think Egyptians make a good match for American women. Assuming that they are from a city... Because I could see where there might be more friction/cultural mis-understandings if a big city American married a village Egyptian. Overall, as long as you both give each other some time to understand the differences... Insha'Allah, you will be fine.

The things that might come up... Keep in mind that I am generalising here... But after a decade of Egyptians I have noticed some trends.

I have seen standards of modesty as a problem in some marriages. It seems to me that Egyptians (no matter what religion) are very modest people. So they really don't want to see their wife in a mini-skirt and a tube top walking out the door... EVER. I never had this issue personally, because I wear hijab, but DH has seen it happen with his friends.

Family, and visiting family... Egyptians are loyal to their families no matter what. I have seen Egyptian couples separate over one insulting the other's mother, sister, brother, whatever. This fierce loyalty is all good if your spouses family is normal, but can be a real hassle if they are not. Personally, this comes up for me all the time. I can have a lengthy conversation with my DH and feel he sees that his sister can be awful and downright destructive only to have him go visit her the next day. Alhamdulilah, I am over it because at least he lets me say how I feel and doesn't expect me to visit. But I have seen this be a source of tension in marriages where the husband not only visits the crazy relative but insists that his wife does too.

Disciplining children. DH jokes that some people in Egypt beat their children for breakfast. I think that may be going a little far.... But I do think the manor of discipline is different between Americans and Egyptians. Americans talk to their children and try to shame them out of bad behavior. Many Egyptians skip the shame in favor of a smack on the hand. This can be hard because consistency is so important with children. So, rather than a disciplinary tug of war, I think couples should have a policy for their home. And it should be specific.

What constitutes a meal. I have heard American wives bemoan the amount of food they have to serve in order for their husband to call it a meal countless times. It seems that Egyptians just have bigger meals, so don't be shocked when you serve what you think is a meal and your spouse asks "Where's the rest?"

He might think that you are Superwoman. It seems that men from all over the world have the impression that American woman can do everything and work tirelessly. Ummm, no we can't.

I'm sure I could go on with the trivial things, but those are the major ones that I can think of. Now for the great things about being married to an Egyptian.

They LOVE their families. Yes, along with the bad parts there are good parts to the loyalty to family. Your DH will put your children first and will love them fiercely.

They have kind hearts. Most Egyptians are kind, generous, and welcoming. You will never feel uncomfortable in your spouses friends homes. And, I think it rubs off. You will find that he brings out the sweetness in you too.

They will never be too busy to sit and have a cup of tea and some sweets with you... Providing that you bring the tea and the sweets;)

Hmmmm, I hope that I haven't offended. As I said, these are my observations. I would urge caution to anyone marrying someone from a different culture as I have mentioned in previous posts... But I think that Egyptians are a good match for us American girls most of the time;)

Magnoona has left the building...

Soooooo, if you have been paying attention you know my SIL (the one here in the states, I have two) drives me to the brink. She has been visiting us for the past two weeks, and basically just annoying me as much as humanly possible. For the finale today, for the first time in my 32 years, I yelled straight at a person other than my DH or my poor mom (whom I yelled at a lot when I was a teenager). Yes, it was my SIL.

Now, I have maintained my control with her so many times. I have kept my cool with a woman I swear would make Gandhi renounce his pledge of non-violence... But today I laid into her, and of course she yelled right back and the whole thing was rather unbelievable really. DH just woke up to go to work and he told me, "Please tell me that this evening didn't really happen."

Basically it went like this. I tell DH that even our neighbor whom my SIL saw only briefly during her visit (she was sleeping on the couch 99% of the time) mentioned to me how sad my SIL seemed and how hard her life was with her disability and thier mom dying. DH then tells SIL, see even our neighbor knows your sad story and proceeds with his usual advice about don't go around making sure everyone knows you are miserable and they should feel bad for you. Now see this is where the sequence of events should stop for a normal person... But you are not talking about a normal person you see, so then... SIL concludes that our neighbor must know from a mutual friend about her sad life and her tragic situation (which is just crazy because if you sit with my SIL for five minutes she will tell you about her sad life, you don't need secondary sources) and gets really angry that this mutual friend who knows the details of her situation only for the purpose of setting up a fund for her (some sister set up a trust fund for my SIL because of her "tragic" situation) and how dare she gossip to anyone about it (that's my SIL's job of course). But, she doesn't stop there, noooooo. My SIL then proceeds to go over to our neighbor's house at 10pm and confront them to find out what they know and who they know it from. YA RUB!!!!!!

So, I am sitting there, watching from my window knowing I can't do anything to stop this psyco, and she is about to cause a big problem. I am imagining that this poor woman is going to be berated by her husband about this since I know they are not the type to gossip and are very private people... And the wife really said NOTHING. What she said to me was very general, you would say the same thing if you sat with my SIL for five minutes. And my SIL is going to them accusing them and their friend of gossiping about her. I was ready to pack my bags and move. I was sooooo embarrassed. Then she brought the husband to our house only to continue the fight with my DH in front of him. So, the polite husband left and soon as he could and went back home. So now, my SIL and my DH are screaming at each other. Soon, she is telling me look what you started. I went crazy.

I started by telling her that she couldn't even see the point of DH talking to her. "He was telling you that you can't go around telling everyone your problems so you fix that by going and telling our neighbors your problems and dragging them into the fight with your brother?" From there, it just kept escalating. She is accusing DH of just being dragged into my evil plots against her... I'm telling her she is crazy and doesn't have the social skills God gave an avocado... DH is telling her his whole life with her is like this... She's saying she just wanted to clear her name and we are the crazy ones... And so on. So, as I am answering a phone call from the neighbor (who were masha'Allah very nice about the whole thing) saying she never heard anything from their mutual friend and let's just forget all this ever happened, my SIL just leaves. I am hoping she is going home. But no. She went back over to our neighbors to say one more thing. I was livid. DH just told me "Ma'laysh, just go have some chai because you can't stop her."

Now, I have to say I'm not sorry I yelled at her... Although I do know that it doesn't make her see what she did. I feel better. And, Alhamdulilah DH had my back... Which is a nice feeling. I guess the really crazy thing is that she has no idea what she did. UGH. I told my DH that if his other sister comes to the states (which we have been planning for this summer) I can't have both of my SIL's here. If we want the whole family to be together it has to be somewhere where my crazy SIL can only embarrass the s&*% out of me in front of total strangers. Just what I needed after feeling drained from chasing all the kids (she brought her daughter which DH and I must watch and include in everything but never discipline) and dealing with her demands for the past two weeks so she can sleep on my couch all day. Sheesh. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish as they say. Now I just hope I can get the courage to go BBQ with the neighbors tomorrow as planned. I'm just praying that my SIL didn't cause them a big fight.

Sugar coated Islam

I have been noticing a new movement in Islam... For lack of a better word, I will call it sugar coated Islam. It seems like people are just pushing the idea and not the substance of Islam. I see it in my own born and raised Muslim SIL. It's this wierd idea that you can just "Do your best" (which is usualy pretty far from actual Islam) and everything is fine.

I know everything STARTS with La illah... But you should build on that, not have it as your only goal. And this attitude has been leading to some things that I just can't stomach. Maybe I'm a hard-nosed person... But there are things that even if I do them, I am under no illusions that I am right. What I am seeing more and more from people is a lack of understanding that they are bending the rules. Quite the contrary, they think they are good "modern" Muslims. You know, considering how different things are now, and how hard it is to be a muslim in today's world (rolling my eyes).

Now from my perspective, there is no such thing as a "modern" muslim. We should be striving for the same things that the people around the Prophet were striving for, and in the same ways. The trappings of our life may be different, but the substance should be the same. I accept that we will have a hard time reaching the levels that people around the Prophet reached (they had a stellar example after all) but I don't think that means we should stop fighting for it.

So before you tell yourself the fairy story that "we live in different times" followed by "so it's ok to pray late, to read less Quran, to let our children stray further and further from the deen... (fill in the blank here)". I want you to think about what happens when you set the bar that low. You won't jump higher one day... You will just keep lowering the bar.

Let me tell you a little story with my kiddos that was making me think about the expectations I have for them. This week my 7yo got a new bike. It was her reward for learning to ride a two-wheeler. Now, I never asked 5yo and 4yo to try to ride without training wheels, because I assumed that if my DD didn't ride untill she was 7yo they wouldn't either. But, DH and I decided to go against our assumptions and when the boys asked to have thier training wheels off we responded by taking them off and assuring them they could ride without them if they just kept trying. And you know what? I chased my daughter for months trying to get her to ride, sadly proclaiming it "hard" and it took her months to learn it. My sons went off with a smile and a you can do it... Only to have them return hours later RIDING A TWO WHEELER!

So, this weekend when I get out the salat programs and try to have DD learn fatiha and everything she needs to know to pray, I will raise the bar and include my sons. You never know, maybe they will all learn together.

NOT an all inclusive resort....

OK, so I know that I shouldn't talk but I am going NUTS here. My SIL came for an unexpected visit (which is enough if you have four kids in 800 square feet) and brought all her problems and demands with her.

Last night she woke my DH after we had been asleep for only an hour screaming hysterically (not a good thing to do with a person who has an overworked heart and problems sleeping)... Why? She was cold and didn't want to get into her chair and go like 2 feet to get a blanket. The night before she called for me at 3:30am after a whole day of chasing kids and doing all the set up and break down for a day camping by the lake to get her tums. I was peeved and I stomped downstairs thinking, you had better be dying!!! She said sorry, and I felt bad that I was mad and at least was happy that she knew it was an annoying thing to do. But noooo, she had to continue "I tried to call you on your cell phone, but it was down here." Sorry for yelling, not for waking me at 3:30am. Now, this is funny because she is just like that. She sits on the couch demanding things all day, or sleeps. THIS IS NOT A RESORT!!!! I am not a place for her to crash and be serviced. She must be doing these things for herself at home because she lives alone.

Can I just say that this is not the time for this? We have so many things going on with the businesses and our lives. I am ready to have a throw down with the guy I am renting my store from. The permits for our property are taking an eternity. Our tax guy is sooooo behind I am going to have to go to a new accountant soon.... And so on. I need a break, and am in no position to give one to someone else right now. Sheesh.

OK, rant over.... Now I'm going to try to post some pictures of DD2 eating the cake we got her for her first birthday yesterday... Incidentally, she liked the bath she got after the cake more than the cake itself!LOL

cupcakes

These are some cupcakes that I made for teacher appreciation day at the kid's school. But I'm sure you can imagine that I have bigger things on my mind. Yet somehow focusing on cupcakes makes things seem more manageable.

The new place is small but good. DH has so many issues... WOW. My baby will be one, insha'Allah, on the 4th. My store has to be moved by the first and I don't even have a new storefront yet. I am treading this bizarre path back to the certainty I had about the deen when I made shahada, and it's slow and mind boggling, and deserves it's own post. DH might go to Egypt without the family to save some $ in a few weeks and it will be the first time we have been apart for more than a week since we married. This week we should get the news about the development of a property we have been working on and see if the city will let us do what we want to do or not.

Anywhoooo.... I am just kinda rediscovering my entire life these days. It is weird, but there are so many things going on for us lately. So, here I am sitting online at 5am trying to decide how to use my Shukr store credit, ordering some things from land's end and finding deals on essentials that I can't get in WY on Amazon.... Allah help me through this weird time.

MIA

OK, so I have been missing in action lately and I wanted to talk about why.... It seems I have too much going on right now and hardly have time to think let alone get online. But, insha'Allah, things will settle down soon.

The big thing is, my MIL passed away and we have been trying to get ourselves in a state where DH can feel comfortable going to Egypt. There is some debate about all of us going, but it looks like that would cost too much.

The other thing is my store. It has to be moved because the guy who is doing all the work (leaving me w/o finishing my store since February has bought the building and I now have to move the store. UGHHHHHHH No, I don't want to move ANYTHING right now thanks sir!!!!

And for flavor, my washer died 2 weeks ago and I have been doing laundry at a coin operated place spending roughly $30 a week on laundry. GRRRR But DH got me a new washer (which I was in charge of the search for) and it's a front loader! YEAH! And in the same truck load I got a new bed and found it for $470 when here in Wyoming (at the same store mind you) it was $650.

Anyway, things are crazy here. I have been in Denver, Cheyenne or whatever and driving a lot more than usual. And of course on the phone to all sorts of passport people, travel agencies and airlines too... Insha'Allah I will get DH to Egypt and things will settle down a little.

OK, I know I said no more you-tube...

DH saw oiur van at the dealer where it is on consignment the other day and he told me... "It's not even our van! They got that wierd smell out!"

Duhhhh

I actualy found myself having this conversation with DH the other day...

EH: I can't believe this. I looked in the mirror today and I said where is all this grey coming from?(Egyptians think grey hair is a sign that your days are numbered).

UL: Well, you went bald early... So maybe the grey is the same thing. (Great, bald and grey!)

EH:?????

UL: *blushing* Well, I mean your hair thinned when you were younger than usual.

EH:?????

UL: *stamering* I mean maybe it's just in your family...

EH:?????

UL: I mean I love you honey!

I know, I know!!!!

Last you-tube I promise... But this song brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it on the album and I think if you haven't heard it you should. Pay attention to the quote at the end.

Muslims love thier mothers...

Why do I feel bad?

My little store has been closed for about three months now because of construction in the store next to me. There are holes in my walls, drywall dust everywhere, no bathroom, no lights in the hall/storage area and I lost about half my square footage. Oh, did I mention my back door doesn't close anymore?

I have been feeling bad for the guy who owns the building and paying full rent anyway. He hasn't offered me one penny of compensation. Grrrrr. Why do I feel bad for people who don't feel bad for me?

So, today I am going with the intention of talking to him about it. I was hoping to draw him out by not paying April... But it hasn't worked. And I HATE these confrontations. I know I will end up caving and saying I understand when he tells me pay up and if you don't like it move... But sheesh. I feel like I deserve some compensation. The construction started with no warning. The guys working there were sleeping on the premises, and eating and smoking... Now, here I am with a hole behind my register, no phone line to run credit cards and lovely enough... No bathroom which means I don't even have any running water to clean all that dust and I will be stuck with a 4yo and no bathroom and my employees will be working an entire shift w/o a bathroom break or closing to go next door to use the restroom.

Well, wish me luck.

Blogger ?

Can you make posts private on blogger? If so how? I have some posts that I can't really have just out there for everyone, but I want some feedback on.

Short Update...

First I want to say THANK YOU SURVIVING! You made my day.

In other news, I have been trying to close up the old house and get it ready to sell... But it is slow going. I have two of the four rooms all cleaned out and ready... DH's room I will never be able to do , that's his thing... So now I have to get the main rooms emptied and clean the kitchen and bathrooms which is hard because DH is still living there! Grrr. Well, it is officially the end of the month and he will have to move his butt here very soon.

We are having a debate over the actual fixing of the house... DH has yet to produce anyone to do the work, so I called my cousin and DH is claiming there are just too many issues with using my cousin. One being cost, another being he thinks I will want to hang out with him. Well, I know I'm American and all... But I think I know better than to hang out alone with a guy even if he is my cousin. But, at the same time I am thinking, "DH, he's my COUSIN and I'm from a culture where the marrying cousins thing doesn't exist..." It seems like this is where I get stuck on everything I try to do. Do X. So, I do X. No, do X that way... And that way always involves more work than I have time, money or energy to do. Dh's typical response... "The shatra(good/skillful) knits with a donkey's leg." Well, maybe I'm not shatra.

Also, we have been having a little run of bad luck... Keep us in your dua, maybe it's all for the best but if one more bad thing happens I will freak out.

Sorry for not posting in so long. Things are crazy here. Insha'Allah I will finish some things I have been writing about evangelical Islam and other thoughts running in my brain these days.

READ THIS

If you have a girl in this generation that will have to be vaccinated for HPV by age 11, read this article and think about it. I have been harping on my suspicions that this vaccine might be a mistake and is mostly about money... I think this researcher is just the tip of the iceberg.

Top researcher: 'Untested' vaccine could harmSays HPV 'experiment' on girls might even increase cancer rate
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=54713

**Sorry that I don't have a link, but stupid new version of blogger wouldn't accept my html for a link, anyone know about this?**

Does not play well with others

So, I am wondering if what is happening with me is normal married person stuff or not... I am feeling like a big failure in this whole partnership of marriage thing.

For the past few days I have been in the new apartment and my DH has been in the mobile home getting his things in order (theoretically anyway). And aside from having to clean two kitchens every day... I am much happier this way. I kinda wish we had the cash to just stay like this.

Maybe I am just happy to have a dining table to eat at and no one calling me to do something every 20 minutes.... I don't know. Is that just shallow selfish and unloving? Maybe because we have four kids I just am not coping very well with a needy adult right now (not that I think he's faking his illness or is just a lazy jerk).

Today for example I got up and made blueberry muffins and sent the kids off with nice lunches I had prepared most of the night before. Layla actually said on the way to school this morning, "Mommy this is the first time we are really ready and on time to school." It broke my heart because I knew what she was saying. I was just there getting them ready and they had a bath and everything the night before and their clothes were all laid out. Normally DH consumes so much of my morning with all his little requests that I end up feeling all rushed... And since his work is all over my dining table I just let the kids eat at a little craft table they have and everything is really loose and I somehow never get things done in time.

Now I will admit that in my discussions about all this with DH he has proposed a solution. Wake up earlier and do all your prep then. But somehow it just doesn't feel the same. No matter how early I get up I feel like I am rushing to get a lunch packed and clothes ready... I am just the type of person that has to do it the night before.

I am more centered when I am not with him. I think most of it is this night job truthfully. I wake up and the kitchen is a mess from him preparing food when he gets up, his clothes are all over the place and no matter how I left things when I went to bed they are always a disaster when I wake up. And for a person like me the overload means I just give up. I don't know anymore. I am starting to think that we are clashing to a point where it is effecting our time with the kids, and the way they are being raised.

I guess the truth is that if I have to choose between being a good mom and a good wife, good mom has to win. But how it is right now I am in the middle and doing a bad job at both. It's like both are a full time job and I am just taking from the one I am not focusing on when I am dealing with the other and both end up being half accomplished.

DH needs a wife with no kids. I think all the time about suggesting to him that he finds a second wife but I think that is not the solution really. What if she wants kids? How can he even commit to someone else when his health is so uncertain and he is not even sure about the security of the family he already has? How would he have us both so involved in his businesses like he wants his wife to be? There is no easy answer. It just seems that in the current situation every ones needs are going unmet, mine included.

YES!

Well, I have been moving things to the new house slowly... And I actually hooked up the comp and YES! High speed interenet without any fees! Wow, I am happy with that. It's the cool thing about where we moved (and why we choose it) no fees for cable, internet, phone, heat, power, NOTHING. Alhamdulilah. We were paying too much for all that at our mobile home. The only bad thing... No Arabic channels for DH. Sorry DH.

I am getting things in order, and running a pretty tight ship as far as getting rid of clutter. However I haven't convinced DH to move anything. I have the bad feeling he will bring tons of stuff... And I have a hard time telling him no. Insha'Allah he will see how nice the no clutter feeling is that he will be inspired to keep things at the office he is making. Oh, and not be tempted to buy too many groceries. Sometimes I wonder if that man grew up in the depression or something the way he loads up on food.

So, here I am in the new place. The beds come tomorrow and we will be here full time. Now if I can just things out of the way for the movers at the old house... Good grief, maybe I should just get a shovel and a dumpster!LOL Wouldn't DH love that;)

Calgon take me away!

Well, we haven't moved yet. Or rather I haven't moved us yet... And of all weekends to get the flu, I chose this one. I feel like I have been run over by a bus and I spent all of yesterday in the bathroom. To top it off DH had the urge to ask me about the to-do list he made on Thursday night to enquire if I had done it all yet. UGH I think the man has a death wish.

I guess what urks me the most is that he only does things related to his work, and he has this bizarre tendency to complicate things. So, he takes twice as long to get his work done since he goes about it in such a weird way. Sometimes this saves his behind, to be honest... Because he does everything like three times and has double and triple back-ups for everything. But mostly, I think he is making his job harder than it is. Now the weird thing in all of this? He hasn't done billing in so long that we have money out all over the place. Now why be all anal retentive about the parts of the job that don't bring you money to the point where you don't get the parts that do finished? I wish I had an answer.

So I have my to do list which includes some really impossible things (DH is always playing lets make a deal with everyone and lately sends me to do all the work, which I hate) and I have this house to move. I don't know if I will ever get it all done. I have to sell two cars and 14 church pews, get a conditional use (city permit) for our new property, move an old trailer we have (or convince them to break their no rentals rule), and get a handy man to start on the trailer we are living in so I can sell it. Who knows how huge a bill and a headache all this will be. Can you say OVERWHELMED? This man needs an assistant, not a wife.

All of this really messes with my head to tell you the truth. We are like rats on a wheel... He thinks we are investing and getting ahead, I think we are getting ourselves in too deep with all these complicated things. But this is from a woman who has been running a store for almost three years and hardly ever seeing any real profit from it, so I guess I am biased. And I guess I am irritated that all these new things are all about me. I am the one who has to do all the work for all these new projects. I don't really want to work more than I do. Insha'Allah it will all work out and we will see some money from this and DH can stop with the work he is doing and get a teaching job or something. And maybe I can actually be at home once in awhile...

Foreign Relations(hips)

I think there are many of us out there married to people from other countries in my generation. I applaud that, but I think you have to know that you will have to address your differences (and they do exist no matter how much you are convinced you are perfectly compatible in spite of being from different places). IMHO, if you are going to marry a person from a country and culture other than your own I think there should be a few ground rules... Here are a few I have thought of, maybe you have more:

1. Both persons should be amicable to living in the other's country. You never know where you will end up. The only exception I can think of is if one spouses country is just plain unlivable due to war, poverty, whatever...

2. Take off the rose colored glasses. Both spouses have to be willing to see their culture/country for what it is... Faults foibles and all... So be ready to really examine they "why" to how you do things and be flexible if the why has no clear answers.

3. Try to learn your spouse’s native language and have your children learn it too (usually one spouse already speaks the other's language and this is the common tongue for the household). If you are person speaking the his/her native language all the time try to imagine how your spouse feels not being able to speak to his/her own children in their first language.

4. Remember and be considerate of the fact that one of you will always be the foreigner. Before you say no to helping the other person with something remember how you would feel if you were trying to accomplish such a task in his/her country.

5. Make Islam (or whatever your core values are) the tiebreaker in all your decisions. There will be no "cultural norm" sometimes and you will need it.

6. When in doubt, talk it out. You can never assume that you have the same picture of a situation as your spouse (this may go for any marriage) and you don't want to get caught up in this... So make sure you see things the same way (or at least know how the other sees it) before making any life altering decisions.

7. Enjoy the diversity in your family and respect it. Don't let yourself choose one culture and make it the norm, let both cultures thrive. You will find there is good in both.

I'm sure there are more... Post them if you can think of any!

OK, let it be me who opens this can of worms...

I am seriously considering just selling everything. Now the only real problem with this is that Mr. Packrat might go into some sort of seizures when I actually do this. But, I have to say that I can't bear the thought of more storage spaces. We have three sheds already...And only one ever even gets touched (it has our camping things in it). I am tired of hauling things from one place to another. I am ready to just let it go.

I am negotiating with DH the purchase of a few new things to replace stuff I don't think is even worth moving... One being our 9 year old, dropped out of the moving truck 2 times, puked on, cat had her kittens on, sagging in the middle mattress... But DH keeps saying "M (the only other Egyptian in town who happens to be a millionaire) kept his mattress for 15 years! He didn't get a new one until he came with me to get ours at Sams and saw the king size for the queen size price!" UGH. M is a frequent example of these things... M also waited about 20 years to buy his wife an engagement ring even though was able to find it in the budget to buy boats and cars and motor homes for himself... So I don't think he is really an example to follow... Anyway, I want a new mattress and the only debate right now is queen or king???? We have always had a king and I know we think we cold move to a queen and give ourselves more room in the bedroom, but I wonder. I have a feeling it might end up with me sleeping on the couch because I keep falling off the limited space left on the bed!LOL

The other thing I want to replace is our glass shelved entertainment center that I had when I was a single woman in college with no kids to shift the glass and make me all worried... We have broken like 8 shelves over time, and we just keep replacing them. I know we will break more in this move... And I hate the thing anyway. So, I think I will replace it (I ended up not buying the one I had my eye on when we decided to redecorate because we got a couch and recliner instead. And I would really like to get a bedroom set... But I doubt that will happen. DH just doesn't think it is worth it. He would rather keep fixing drawers in the junk we have and keep going. Until when I say?

Well now for my can of worms...

I just want to say this. Man on the moon, no safe birth control for women? Have you all been following the whole thing with the ortho-evra patch? Now see this is why I think barrier methods are the only safe option. I have done other things out of desperation and been sorry every time. When will they come up with something that actually works and doesn't mess with your body? Well, I'm waiting... But until then, spontaneity is the enemy:P

Little boxes...

Well, if I feel like the world is closing in on me lately it's because it is. My store got chopped in half in January (and I still don't have the promised new bathroom in my half) and now my housing space is about to get cut from 2000 square feet to 800. By choice, of course, and for a variety of reasons including the need to sell this place we are in because the market is going down down down in our town and we need to sell it while we can still get a good price...

So, clean sweep style we are going to sell it all baby, sell it all. Our plan is to move with only the bare minimum (what this means I don't yet know). My biggest fear is that DH won't be able to part with his junk, ahem, personal belongings. As I have told UmmMai, the man once kept a broken iron for 6 years moving it from house to house with the promise to fix it. The other thing i am a little worried about it fitting the kids all into one bedroom, when they currently have a room and a playroom.

The up shot is, DH is FINALY getting an office. YES! That means his work will no longer occupy my dining table, insha'Allah. Which is worth the squeezing into a smaller space for now since it means no matter where we end up after this we will have gotten rid of this problem and we will actually have a table to eat dinner at! So, I am off to measure the new place today and start making the tough decisions about furniture... And start dreaming up storage solutions...

In a way I am really looking forward to it because it is a chance to simplify, and I have been wanting to do that. The only hard part will be convincing DH that he needs to remember how much space we have. No more buying 20 fridge packs of coke because it s on sale honey! And the second juicer, it will have to go... Along with the box of broken electronic devices that only cost $5 to replace. What is the point of keeping the CD player/radio that is only a radio now I will never understand.

Quiz

Well I was an English Education/ Theatre major....

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Granola recipe

OK ummbadier, you asked for it. I can't say that I have any luck with bars either... But I can give you my granola recipe, but there is lots of variation when you make it. I will try to cover the common substitutions.

UmmLayla's Crunchy Mama Granola

3 cups of rolled oats
1 cup unsalted nuts (sliced almonds and cashews bits are my favorite)
1/2 cup shredded sweet coconut
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup maple syrup (you can also use honey)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup dried fruit (raisons, cranberries, mixed fruit)
Optional ingredients: 1/2 cup wheat germ, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tbsp nutritional yeast, 1/2 cup seeds (sunflower, pumpkin, whatever), 1/4 cup soy grits

Mix everything but the dried fruit and bake for an hour @ 250. After baking add the fruit and after it cools put it in an airtight container! Yummm. Great on yogurt, ice cream, and you can add a cup to your favorite bread recipe and make cool little granola breakfast rolls;)

Still crazy after all these years...

I came home from a trip to Ft Collins and the whole foods market the other day baffled at the changes that have been brewing in the whole foods arena for a few years but have exploded recently. I couldn’t believe that I had to really look at things and try to decide if it was really the product I wanted or just something in a pretty package claiming to be whole grain/organic. I mean sheesh, when I see no hormones or antibiotics added I’m like well, no s&*%… I am wondering more about what you were feeding the chicken BEFORE he made it into the butcher paper.

I read Diet for a Small Planet when I was about 14... And became a dedicated vegetarian for many years. I still have that leaning to be honest. And if I didn't fear that my family would slaughter me for dinner if they were deprived for too long I think I would still be a vegetarian. Now not because I like cute sweet little animals too much to eat them, or I bought into PETA's propaganda... But because the earth and our bodies were not meant to accommodate our over-indulgence in animal products. I have gotten away from the practice, but not the ideas. I guess no matter what the exterior changes to over the years I am still crunchy on the inside. Man, I make my own granola and serve my kids soy protein shakes for breakfast.

So what is my latest pet peeve in my pursuit of all naturalness??? The fact that the popularity of the idea has brought about a real nightmare in the natural food isles. What is "natural" and what does that label mean when you see it on a product? Can Wal-Mart really be trusted to produce a line or "organic" products? Is an organic oreo really healthy? Eating whole food requires a change. You can't just get organic whole grain McDonalds and call it good. You will have to eat things you may not have tried before. You will have to cook your rice longer... You might actually have to read a label.

The drive for more organic goods has not helped with quality or availability as much as it has brought a bunch of questionable wanna-be prepared foods into the arena. Now I am all for more people buying organic, but not if they are buying it for the same reason they are sporting their versace jeans. hmph.

Maybe we should institute armpit hair checks for truly crunchy people before they are allowed to shop at whole foods markets... What do you think? There could also be like screening questions. Do you know what millet is? Do you have your own bags to carry the groceries you are about to purchase? Have you ever shopped at a thrift store? And if they didn't pass you could send them to the psuedo-whole foods market where they sell the "organic" "whole grain" stuff that those big companies are producing to keep people happy. What do you think?

Living in a small town while Muslim

When you have a last name and a face like DH, people don't forget you. And in a small town this is never good for a minority. It seems like this week has just been bad with that.

I mentioned in an earlier post my DH being stopped by the police when picking me and the kids up at school... Well that same officer came when he called the other day because a lady was spitting at him and got into his car and started hitting him with a rolled up newspaper (long story), and had the nerve to have him "step away from the vehicle" even after he insisted that our 4yo was in the car and he thought he should stay with him. And get this... The lady remembered the call where she stopped us and thought maybe he started the altercation with this crazy woman because he thought she was the person who called on him back on September of '06... WHAT? OK, lets review... We had no idea who called on him and really thought it was no big deal since the lady saw him with the kids and me... And you should just basically erase the call about him sitting on the school grounds once you know he has kids in said school, right? Basically she told him he was intimidating the woman, and it was all his fault and to watch himself in the future. UGH

Then, I got a call from the youth officer about the kids being absent (which was excused BTW) last week. He said we have reached a list of some sort where they have to warn us no more tardy or absent kiddos. Fine. But the day after DH's run in with the officer who patrols the kid's school area?

Then, a grouchy lady at the bank who has just always hated me didn't want to issue my DH a new card (his doesn't work) because I ask her to issue new cards all the time and she can't keep doing that. Come to find out she is talking about a time last year before the baby was born when I had to have new cards issued because one got lost in the mail and two for another account had the names wrong. UGH

DH is mad. Really mad. He thinks I have to be super careful about things because I should know people here are out to get us. My mistakes give them a reason to pick on us. Well, I can't deny that our problems with the park manager here where we live have something to do with my confronting her when she comes knocking at my door to complain about kid's toys in the yard... Considering that I got a place with a yard so the kids could have outside toys, yeah it ruffles my fur a little. And, I am not so great with the tardy thing... But the no more than 5 tardys a year thing is a little extreme, at least for a lady dragging four kids in the snow at 8am. And the bank, I just don't know what to say about that. I make them actually work sometimes (counting coins being their least favorite), and you know how employees hate that.

You know, the more I think about it the more the only good that could come out of this place is a piece of land where we could raise some chickens and maybe a dairy cow and a big fat organic garden. Insha'Allah. Insha'Allah.

Egypt?

We have been saying for years now that we will go to Egypt once our kids are older. Older being relative... It seems like we mean older than they are at the time we are talking, which of course just keeps changing since we never really defined "older". Lately however, we have defined older. When our oldest is 9-10. Which is coming in the next few years... So we have started to look at what moving to Egypt would actually entail. Wow.

There are so many questions to answer... What would be our source of income? Would the kids know Arabic well enough to attend an Egyptian school? Where would we live? How would I learn Arabic? How long would we stay? Just so many things to consider... And we are talking two years down the road.

From people who have made this change... What are the things you took into consideration? How long did it take you from we should move to actually moving? How does an Egyptian life for American kids look? Do they adapt easily? How did you choose where to live? What are the things you wish you had or had not done? And finally, am I crazy for already thinking about this? You see we are planning a trip soon, insha'Allah, and I am thinking maybe we should try to get things in order somewhat while we are there... Maybe we should really look at the apartments the family has to see if any of them make sense for us at least?

I am just swimming in this whole idea today for some reason. You see I have known it is coming, and for some reason I guess I have always treated this place like a student or something. Maybe not Egypt... But somewhere other than here will be our permanent home I think. Allahu Alim. Strangely, it gives me some peace to look at it like a goal, maybe that is why I am thinking about it so much as we get things with our lives rolling in a new direction.

Muslim wife vs American woman

I was thinking about how I sometimes feel this dichotomy, this weird war that I have to mediate inside my head between the Muslim wife and the American woman. Most of the time the Muslim wife wins... But I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels this?

The Muslim wife says, just listen to your husband... The American woman says, you're an adult and you have your own way of doing things. The Muslim wife says have patience with him... The American woman says, screw him, you can do it on your own. UmmAbdulrahman made a comment on someone's blog the other day that Muslim women forget that they have the right to be happy... Yes we do. So I wonder sometimes how do I draw the line between being accommodating and being a doormat? It seems that the Muslim wife in me is always pushing for patience no matter what, but maybe that is wrong... Maybe we are better Muslim wives by taking a stand when it is needed. Maybe there is a moment where the American side should be giving us the backbone to stand up for the deen, our children, and ourselves. Is there a way to meld the two into an ideal one? Allah knows I am trying.

Into the woods to grandmother's house...

Well, I am up early getting ready for a trip to Denver today... Or at least that was my plan. I didn't really get up early enough to get everything done and now I am wondering what I was thinking not just staying up last night. I always THINK I will get up early and after 32 years you would think I would know that I won't. Oh, I'll wake up... And drowsily mill around praying and nursing the baby, then right back to bed. Actually, the baby knows my alarm and will wake up when it goes off, so my first order of business is always putting her back to sleep... Then good luck keeping me awake. So, I'll be scrambling to pack (as usual) at 2 in the afternoon when we need to leave by 3.

I have been considering just staying here and letting DH take the kids for the weekend. But he won't hear anything of it. Not like he cherishes the time with me or anything, he just wants to stay in the hotel and sleep all day while I take the kids out. Well, anyway... I guess I should get back to work or something. ugh.

I need a vacation...

Well, I can't believe that January has come and gone so quickly... Here we are at the end on the month and I feel like I just rang in the New Year. I have been trying to get things organized around the house. The playroom is becoming a girl's room, and hopefully the shelves I spent a day installing for DH in his work area will get used. Although after 3 weeks I am wondering how likely that really is. You can lead a horse to water, right?

I would love to take a break... But of course that would be unlikely if not impossible. You see one of the secrets that no one tells you about getting married and having kids is that you no longer get vacations. Oh, you will attend family vacations in a fun facilitator capacity... But it will not be a vacation for you. At least not until the kids are old enough to stay behind with a family member. Hmm, I think the DH would have to stay behind to really. Insha'Allah, when my kids are old enough I am organizing a mommies only vacation... Walahi.

I am trying to work around construction at my business... And trying to build a new referral business (if you are interested in all natural cleaners, bath products and supplements drop me a line and I can tell you about it). I'm not really busy so much as I just wish I could focus on one thing. I am considering closing my store front if this referral business picks up as I hope it will. I would be able to do that from home. But then we get into the whole DH sleeping at home thing... So I think I would keep the location of my store as an office. I had to give up so much space in this construction process that it makes more sense as more of an office now anyway.

I think change is hard... And if I had to say where my stress comes from it would be lack of routine. It just seems like every day is different, and I think when you have young kids it is easier to have a routine. I would love to say that this will change... But I doubt it. One of the things that you give up when running a business is routine, there are different things to deal with every day. Sometimes that is good, most of the time I find myself recoiling when my plans get dashed by an "emergency".

Well, life goes on as they say. Insha'Allah all you fellow bloggers are well. I plan to read around checking up on all ya'll tonight;)

Meme, 6 weird things...

OK Surviving... Like there are only three!LOL Well here are the 6 wired things about me that I will try to place in some sort of order from almost normal to entirely bizarre:

6. I hate getting little hallmark type gifts from the men in my life. I know, but you see I'd really prefer that my man gets me something useful. I may be the only woman alive who actually would actually prefer a mixer to a pair of sapphire earrings... And incidentally my first Eid gift from DH was a freezer:)

5. I learned how to use handguns in college... And I keep saying I'm going to teach DH.

4. I have read every Anne Rice novel written, with the exception of those written under her pen name, Anne Rampling. They are crazy.

3. I am weary of western medicine. When I get diagnosed with anything I hit the books and try to find out the whole picture of the thing through all views. My DH calls my practices of using natural cures and alternative medicine "voodoo". He will ask me when I he is sick, "Do you have any voodoo for this?"...

2. I have a love/hate relationship with my TV. I love to watch TV. My favorite show being CSI, and then I am a learning channel (and all it's off shoots) junkie. I will watch almost anything on discovery health channel. I watch the birth shows just to torture myself I think though... Because I am always sitting there screaming "That is so unnecessary!!!" or "That's normal and they are treating it like a condition!".

Oh yeah, the hate part... I think TV lowers your IQ, and I wish I could throw mine away because if it is there I will watch it. And of course I think the kids REALLY don't need it.

1. So the wierdest thing about me, IMHO. I can read for hours and hours on end. I get interested in something and I get kinda obsessed... I will read everything I can find on the topic for weeks. I have a hard time doing this now because of the kids, but it is still there... I will stay up late reading and looking things up on the internet.

It's the end of the world as we know it...

This is a response that became a post:

Thanks sisters, I have been away from the comp and it was nice to see all your support. Yes to all of it... I have been working on a what if plan... How that will look I don't know right now. I wish I could say that DH will be able to make hajj, but with his health I don't know. Allahu Alim.

I guess the important thing is to take it one day at a time. There are things in the works that insha'Allah would allow DH to slow down in his job. I pray that they happen quickly and without too much nonsense.

I don't know that I really believe this is happening. Wiley, is that how you felt?

In all this I am planning the what ifs of my death too... Which is a little scary. I think we should all do it if we can. Purchase a plot, set aside the bucks.... Whatever has to be done. In our case we are moving towards that, something we have been saying we would do for years now.

The one thing that has changed is the moving to Egypt thing... Now we are really facing the questions of whether or not it is a good idea considering that I might be alone. Any thoughts from sisters who live there? Could I do it alone (assuming I had a financial plan and remembering that I have not yet learned Arabic)?

I just feel a little numb right now. We heard all this and then came home and life went on, 4 kids and two businesses right? ***big sigh***

Your days are numbered...

Well, the years are anyway. It seems that the condition that my husband has is not something that can be fixed and it is progressive. They hope that using oxygen all the time and a bi-pap at night will slow it down, but it looks like it will not be getting better. I don't think I have processed it yet, I just refuse to believe it. But it seems like maybe 10 more years is realistic. I don't know what to say... He wants to secure us financially, I just want him to get right with the deen. Please keep him in your dua. He's not that old kids... It would put him reaching his late 40's, which is just too young. I can only hope the docs are wrong.

Mama if that's movin' up then I'm movin' out...

Our house is in a state of disarray all the time... I'm sure this is not the first time that I have mentioned it, but last night DH said something that really stuck with me. The state of our house (eating in the living room in front of the TV was the specific topic) is affecting the kids and their manners/behavior. Yes it is. We never have a family dinner at the table because the table is covered with paperwork that I have been told don't touch. And yet somehow this is my fault because if I was perfect in all other areas and the rest of the house was in order he would fix his papers and clothes (which reside in my living room). Last night he was saying it is bad, and I have to do something about it. I agree, and I am sad to even walk into my house lately... I could be doing more for sure, I just can't bring myself to do it. But I told him today my first project was the dining room and the study (moving the dining room to the study after I clean it out) his response was don't get cute and touch my stuff. Which is it????

I am thinking that until we can get the mess under control separate houses is the only solution. I am moving in that direction. I know it has its downfalls, but I can't take living like this anymore. I told him last night... His question was until what happens? Well, maybe until the working nights thing is done, I don't know. I am tired of living in a house where I can't clean up half because it's off limits and I cant get into other rooms because he is sleeping... And the whole thing is making a crazy environment for my kids. I don't even know where it is headed right now, I just need some peace. My main problem with this is our rental (which is waiting to be sold) has so many problems. It only has two rooms, the location is freezing cold and too far out of town, it needs work, the flooring needs replaced... I just don't know.

I am waiting on it anyway, because DH is being admitted to the hospital next week for further testing and treatment for what is now being called Pulmonary Hypertension. If we are lucky it is not his heart. Make dua for him. I am in a weird place right now... I have always said that even sick people need to maintain some degree of civility, and he is not. It is hard to feel bad for him when he is after me all the time. Am I supposed to put up and shut up? I have gone our entire marriage without overt demands (although DH would say I manipulate to get my way)... Dare I start making them now?

I can't talk to him anymore, I only make him mad and give him fodder for future arguments. Could this be a phase our marriage will grow out of? Insha'Allah. I love my husband... But I don't like this side of him that has taken over his entire personality at this point. Allah help me.

Convert's Book/ HELP!!!

I am not the greatest writer I know, but I want to throw something that I have been working on for a long time out there to you. And somehow in all my chaos this is giving me a purpose, hope...

When I first converted I read a book called Daughters Of Another Path. It was great to be able to relate to the women whose stories were being told, but it was from a perspective outside the inner circle if you will (a mom writing about her daughter's conversion). I am looking for help in the form of sisters willing to write about their experiences, give advice to new converts, and maybe fill out a canned questionnaire that I am using to get some general info. My dream is to have a book for new Muslims, and probably just converts in general that can help through the transition(for lack of a better word) into Islam. There are 100's of how to pray, how to make wudu, these are the five pillars, don't do this or that books out there... But we lack a book that speaks truly to the largest section of the growth in the Muslim population... Western women. Do you see where I'm going with this? A kinda from the hip book with REAL advice and information, stories to relate to. Which brings me to another question... Would you buy such a book?

I also want to ask people who have had something published how they went about it. I think, insha'Allah, there is a market/need for this book... I just don't know how you ever get someone to publish you. Do I start with just ideas and samples, or do I wait until the whole book is done? My thing is, I want to have someone say they will publish so I can take care of all the legal things associated with having people contribute as the publisher wants... I would hate to have someone submit something that would not get added because I forgot to get all the pertinent info from them and I couldn't find them later.

The more I really commit to working on this, the more it is just kinda flowing... And I think if you choose to write about your conversion and your advice to new Muslims, you will find the same. I would have loved to find such a book when I first converted. Sisters and brothers, give a girl a helping hand here... Anything will help. Spread the word that I am looking for stories;)

Jazak'Allah Khair.

Write a letter...

I have never put to paper my thoughts about something in a letter to the editor before... But a story that I have seen repeated 100x's in various forms graced the cover of a Wyoming paper this week. Something in the shade of "State Spending on Better Childcare". HMPH. Now here is the rant. I will be adding some stuff pertaining to the article but this is the rough idea.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hope anyone who feels the same way as me will pick up a pen next time they see some article like the one I am responding to.

*********************
I am all for better childcare, quality childcare, whatever you want to call it. But the fact is I am TIRED of government touting it as an alternative to parenting. It seems to be that we as a society are promoting programs for children to attend on a daily basis earlier and earlier, thus shifting the emphasis from family to state/community/society. This is wrong on so many levels. And I ask myself, how can we develop free thinkers out of a generation raised by the government? I am not saying that there are families that don't NEED these alternatives. There are. But why this push to send kids into institutionalized settings?

I propose that if the state/federal government is really concerned about the well being of the next generation they should pay mothers to stay home with their children instead of paying for their childcare. In areas like the one I live in where the majority jobs are those that fall into the hourly worker at minimum wage category, the government could actually SAVE on paying moms their lost wages rather than paying for their childcare. An impoverished mom here in WY can easily get daycare for her children covered by the state as long as she is working. But, it is more likely than not the her work doesn't pay more than the 6-7 dollars an hour the state would pay for daycare for her two children. Who wins here?

Isn't there some way to help people without telling them to pawn their kids off on daycare providers? How about paying dads a livable wage? How about cheaper healthcare for families? How about special work at home programs sponsored by the state? The truth is I think the government in this country is set to assume that if you don't have a net worth that passes the federal poverty line you are some sort of slacker and your children would be better off at the daycare anyway. Maybe I'm just a cynic.
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Counter Gems

I looked at the hit counter thing today. Can I just make mention of the fact that people google the craziest things? Here are my hit counter gems for the moment:

Men marry to procreate then have mistresses (Google)
egyptian's wife (Google)
islamic wife egypt (Google)
egyptian marriages (MSN)
egyptian's wife (Google)
Expectations of an Egyptian wife (Google)
moods cafe egypt (Google)
muslimahsewing (MSN)
muslim men wanting christian wife to further islam (Google)
egyptians/ average person in family (Google)

Man, I get so many of these how to find an Egyptian wife or some derivative of someone searching for an Egyptian wife I'm gonna start a dating service!LOL Then there are the what to expect when you marry an Egyptian querys... Well expect the unexpected, that's Egypt baby. Hmmm, I guess that's what you get when you have a title like Egyptian's wife.Can I just say I love these counter tools? Kinda brings out the nosiness in me!LOL

I have only one question... The guy asking about a Christian wife furthering islam... Is he asking about his Islam or hers?

Go Nominate Someone Already!

Hop on over to the Brass Crescent to nominate your favorite Muslim blogs for thier yearly awards. And bookmark it because the winners are worth a read;) Brass Crescent Nominations!

Just a little update

You know there is this moment in tough times in a relationship where you ask yourself, "Am I fighting the good fight or delaying the inevitable?" Well, here's hoping that we are all fighting the good fight. Insha'Allah.

DH's good friend from Egypt is coming. YEAH! I think it couldn't come at a better time. What a friend that he would come knowing that DH is having a tough time right now, masha'Allah. He's a good guy.

I started some classes at sunni path... Thanks for the recomendations;)

Funny quiz...

So every so often I feel one of these things nails me. Saw this one on HA.

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Shut up and drive

Well, reading back I have been in the dumps lately and this blog has been showing it. I have some posts with actual thoughts other than poor me coming... Just hang with me.

In my personal life I have decided that the only way I can get things back in order is to do it myself. No more nagging, no more wishing, no more hoping or complaining. And insha'Allah DH will get on the bus, because it's moving forward kids. In that spirit I signed up for some of Zaytuna's classes. Other things will have to wait. So keep me in your dua. If the family needs direction I am going to have to find a way to give it.

And on that subject, I called a couple of sheikhs about personal stuff and never actually got to speak to one. Brothers, I know you need your people answering the phone to help you manage your time... But if there is a sister who calls back several times sounding upset try to let them know to just put her through if she calls again, OK? And sisters answering the phones... Don't try to get the person to leave a detailed message (now some were really nice but others, well). Sometimes we can't be called back and most times we are not interested in telling our situation to anyone other than the person we are calling... OK?

****UPDATE****
Does anyone know about online courses in Islam??? I was under the impression that Zaytuna's new course offerings were going to be online, but alas it looks like no. I'm still set on doing some courses... But it looks like I have to keep looking.

Fired Fired Fired...

Well, on the morning of Eid, I had one of my hate the community moments and we decided to forgo the Eid prayer this year... Now don't give me grief because the thing is there is no spirituality in it for me here in this town. Mostly I just come home crying abut how everyone is really just there to hang with their ethnic community, and I really just don't get anything out of it. Actually dealings with the masjid seem to take me away from the deen more than towards it here, but that's another post. So we were snacking and decorating the house when the person above my DH in the business he has called and they told DH they were pulling his conrtract in thirty days. UGH

DH is upset, we are not sure about what we are doing... I want to just start applying elsewhere and move, he wants to keep all the little side contracts he has and just keep going (which would change our income dramatically). All that he can come back t is that because of various factors surrounding it, Allah must have some plan for him. Now I agree... But I don't think it is coming just sitting here. But here we are.

Please keep us in your dua. What have I been saying abut something big coming? Well here it is. Here it is.

Happy Eid!

Doing some cooking and gift wrapping but wanted to say Happy Eid to everyone. Wish I could invite you all for brunch;) We're having all sorts of sweets like baklava, kunaffa, ghairayb, petits fours, ... Oh and grape leaves, fatta, duck.... Like I said, I've been cooking!LOL

Random Thoughts

Since I have all these little things floating around in my head and none of them deserve their own post yet...

***My SIL are a freak, and a mean one. DH and I fight about the state of the house all the time... He thinks I am the laziest wife ever and I think he is the messiest husband ever. SIL revisits this topic ALL the time because she knows it is a point of contention. The latest? Telling repeated stories about all the weird flours I have and how the only thing she found to eat in the entire house was one bag of Wal-Mart hamburger buns. Kids.... DS and I have CELIACS, we don't really eat much bread and yes to the average person the flours I bake with are weird. But of course in spite of repeated warnings bread is ALL she feeds my son... Well that and pasta, grrrrrrr. And I am a more whole foods person, so you actually have to like prepare things in my kitchen (imagine that!) so they don't look like food to her. Yeah, you might actually have to like eat a vegetable or cut some cheese off the block.... And for spice lately she has to keep asking why we don't have mice in my messy kitchen. Well Psycho SIL because when you are there they are all snacking on the food you hoard in your room. :P

***North American women who convert to Islam are STRONG. Yes, it's true... And I know I am generalizing and all, but this is the case more times than not. As I loaded myself and the four kids into the car to go do manual labor to help my DH with his job at 6am in the freezing cold... I felt sure that no Egyptian woman I know would do that. I don't even know how an Egyptian woman would feel about the work he does... Not good is my guess because I myself hate it, but I think an Egyptian woman would feel that he was really dragging her through the mud. I have no such dignity. My experience with women from Arab/Pakistani women has never shown me anyone who does all the things and puts up with all the things that converts do. So lets pat our own backs for a minute here sisters, we are strong in our deen and strong for our families as a rule rather than an exception. I hope that we are not just stubborn, and sometimes maybe we are, but whatever the case we tolerate lots.

***Eid preparations have commenced at my house. DH still hasn't cleared the dining table, but I haven't started whining yet. Maybe I'll serve the Eid dinner on top of his paperwork... If I'm sure to cook something with plenty of sauce I'm sure he would learn his lesson. he he he

Let the games begin...

So rather than get getting our backs all arched up and hissing at each other... DH has proposed what might actually be a solution to our clutter/the house looks bad problem. Actually spending on furnishings. WHOOOOO. Now this is from the couple that spent an entire nine months saving change in a jar to buy a rocking chair when our DD was born. A couple of times DH has gotten a good deal on furniture and really helped out, alhamdulilah... But we never went out and got an actual living room set or something. Which is dumb really because we have it...

So, my first items? An entertainment center and a huge desk for DH's study. Now before you hate, just say masha'Allah and remember that I will be crying tears of blood while I get this house organised and cleaned out... DH's study alone will take days. But no buying untill there is a place for it. Oh, and the and the bathroom is going to get some serious work done on it too. Make dua we don't all suffocate in toxic mold spores when they tear that wall out... Yuck.

So pain and glory kids... Let the cleaning marathon begin.

All signs point to GET OUT!!!!!

-Horrible grouchy lady at the trailer park (we live in a trailer if you have never heard me talk about it before)has decided if I don't give her a reason to threaten eviction she will make one up. This time, the yard is too messy. Now people, DH is the first one to give me a heads up if the yard looks bad, and even he says it is fine.

-Other grouchy rental trailer lady told me I have to move my trailer or sell it because I have had too many people move in and out this year. Once again pulling rules from her butt because she hates us. Is there a club? Do they have shirts?

-By some crazy mix up the utility company credited one of my other accounts and the gas was shut off because of non-payment at our little rental house. Also an all things against us situation because the mailman has decided to stop delivering mail to that address because it is empty even though I have told them to keep delivering like 100x's... So I never got the disconnect notice.

-I got a call at the warehouse the other day, a person saying they were inquiring about a job listing, when I told them what we had open they said no they saw an ad for DH's job title. Now, it could just be a mix up... But DH is pretty upset and thinking they are offering his job up in preparation to fire him. Feeling that way about your job is no good even if you are wrong.

-Some lovely person called the police on DH the other day while he was waiting for me at the school saying he looked suspicious (code, he looks like a ME man).

-We went to the rental trailer to clean up, etc. and found that they have shut the water off. Why, because they like us, yeah sure....

-No one in the "community" here has even called us to wonder where we are, wish us happy Ramadan, whatever. I think they are probably spreading rumors about us converting or something by now.

I'm sure there are a few I am missing, but enough... I get it, now could He send DH the memo too?????

Actual conversations with Egyptian Husband...

EH: I can't eat anymore meat! You have been making meat every night and I can't take it anymore! Hilaus. I can't eat anymore meat.

So, I make a vegetarian iftar the next day. Baba Ganoush, stuffed peppers, veggie rice, salad and warm bread.

UL: (looking at EH's empty plate) Do you want another pepper or something?

EH: No, what kind of meat did you make?

UL: Uhhh, you said you couldn't eat anymore meat.

EH: You didn't make any meat?

UL: No.

EH: Could you do a steak for me quick?

Ho Hum...

Ramadan in this town sucks. Ramadan in my house is nice, but draining since I feel this bizarre obligation to cook too much for iftar. I have thought about going to a nearby town to catch some lessons or taraweh every so often, but would want DH to come with me. I have talked to DH about it, he is too busy with his work and his health isn't good... He doesn't worry about it.

I have started to come to the conclusion that DH's problems are verging on a disability. No, really. I don't know when it happened, but his ability to work or help around the house is going down. More and more I have to do the things for his job with him. More and more he is behind on the paperwork because he is tired. How do you balance your responsibilities in a situation like this? He is the man of the house, and Alhamdulilah he has a job and masha'Allah he is still able to work. But, I know that more and more things are swinging towards me doing everything... But doing everything his way is sometimes a big strain... I mean, if it's my responsibility now just let me get it done my way. Sheesh. But, I think many marriages are this way in truth. DH will tell you that if you are helping someone then just shut it and try to do what they want, that way you are really helping them. I guess this is a good point, but hard to put into practice. Especially because I am a fly by the seat of your pants artsy type and DH is a triple backup for safety engineer type.

*BIG SIGH*

In other news... Fasting for me just commenced today (when it really started Sat here). The baby was having a big nurseathon going for the past few days, but with some serious fluid intake and hilba (fenugreek) the milk supply seems to have caught up, masha'Allah. Sooo, I am fasting today. I will fast every other day, insha'Allah. I think the cumulative effect is what has caused me problems while nursing and fasting in the past... That and my bad habit of not drinking enough water. We will see. I wouldn't be so gung ho about it if I hadn't missed almost every Ramadan since I got married due to pregnancy/nursing. I have some serious making up to do already, better to cut it down if I can, insha'Allah. I think I will be like a sister I knew while teaching after I am done having kids. She just fasted two days every week to make up for all the fasting she had missed. She never bothered to really figure out exact numbers, she was just shooting to do as much as she could. I like the idea.

So, for other nursing moms out there... If you are fasting, please do your best to drink as much as you normally would during the entire day in the evenings. I have been drinking from a nalgene bottle so I can watch myself and know I am drinking enough. Sadly, I am finding myself in the bathroom more than usual, which must mean that I am normally nowhere near drinking enough. As for the food part... No worries for nursing mom's there because you have to be seriously malnourished before it affects your milk. Check out The Imam's Daughter on my sidebar for more info about fasting and pregnancy/nursing.

Ramadan Craft

So here is the post I have been promising about my Ramadan project!!! Insha'ALlah there is still time to do one for your house if you like it.

Felt Ramadan surprise calendar


To get started you will need:

1 yard of 54 inch wide felt. 2 36 inch long 3/4 inch dowels. 8 pieces of 9"x12" felt. Number and letter stencils. Paint and brush for stencils. Glue gun (or good fabric glue). Wooden decorations for the end of the dowels. Whatever other little things you want to decorate the finished product with.

It is helpful to have a rotary cutter and guide... But of course scissors will work too. And you can buy numbers and letters in felt... But I am too cheap to do that!LOL

First:

You cut the 9x12 pieces into four 4 1/2x6 pieces for the pockets.

Second:

Square up your main piece of felt, making it about 34 inches wide. You will clip off the excess at the bottom later. Then, fold over the top and create a pocket for the dowel (an inch will do. Just glue it on the edge.

Third:

Stencil on your lettering across the top.

Fourth:

Lay out your pockets in rows of five alternating colors as you go. It is helpful to use a yardstick or some straight edge to keep you in line as you glue.

Fifth:

Once you have all those pesky pockets glued stencil on all your numbers.

Sixth:

Now you need to trim off the bottom leaving enough room for the lower dowel pocket. Make that pocket the same way you did the one on the top. Then, put the dowels through and glue on whatever you choose for the ends on the top and bottom dowels. Now they are snug in place.

Finally, add your decorations where you think they are needed and place a string on the top dowel to hang it. Then the fun part... Fill it with a little treat for every day of Ramadan! I will be wrapping mine since the pockets are open, but you could just glue a little velcro to the pocket if it suits you better:)

Happy Crafting!!! Insha'Allah someone will find this useful. If you make one of these or a date chain just send me a photo and I will post it, insha'Allah.

Tagged by romerican

This is a tag I was actually thinking I might start, but Romerican beat me to it!!! It's a good one too! What's in your purse?

My answer... Not much, but I have a diaper bag too, so ha ha. Here is what was in my purse when I got tagged: My phone, wallet and keys (pretty standard). The wallet itself is a cavern of receipts, insurance cards for all six family members, my IDs, cards for the four different accounts we have (which have the account written on the back since otherwise they all look the same), my zoo passes, Sam's card, and if I am lucky some cash. It has no family photos I am noticing... Since the kids are always with me I guess it never occurred to me to carry photos. You want to know what my kids look like? Here, that one climbing on the display over there.LOL

The other stuff... A book on Waldorf education by Rudolf Steiner. My digital camera (which was not in the picture since I took the picture with it). Originals of the keys for some of our cars since I need to make extra copies (we make tons of copies since we both have a tendency to loose keys). Layla's bracelets that she insists on wearing but takes off after a couple of minutes in the car. A netflix movie for the kids (Duma to be exact). And that's it.

I guess I don't look like a very useful mom type since I have no Kleenex or lip balm... Medications... But all of that is in the diaper bag. Now if you wanted to read a LONG post I could tell you what's in the diaper bag!LOL

I tag... Surviving, Honorary Arab, and Umm Ibrahim (if you dare!!!).

Check it out!

Arab American inspired shirts... Too cool. My fav? Well, it's between
"Yallah, Bye" and "peace/salam"... And when the kid's sizes come DD definatly gets Egyptian princess!!!LOL Of course I still heart my "Make Chai Not War" from Hijabman.

Just so sad...

Steve Irwin died while diving in the Great Barrier Reef with sting rays. It is strange how people are reacting... As if they knew him. I heard some college students talking about it at the grocery store, they weren't cracking jokes or anything, they were sad... I really respected that guy. He was an amazing personality. I watched The Crocodile Hunter with the kids all the time. At least he died doing what he loved.

It's that time of year....

Ramadan is coming. I have a new calendar project in the works, but here are the things I did last year.

Ramadan Surprise Calendar

Ramadan Date Chain

And check out this little article on why you should plan for Ramadan.