Tell me that's not cute!!!

The baby and the puppy

Motherhood and frumpiness (is that a word?)...

I have been noticing as we move that I have let myself fall into a major slump with my clothes. DH got me some nice things in Egypt, but most of them are not daily wear kinda stuff. And when I stand at my closet putting away what clothes I do wear on a daily basis... I am appalled at the depth of this frumpy oblivion I have fallen into.

So what I am wondering is, does motherhood make you frumpy? Have you noticed have women look good before kids, then there is a rough patch in their 30's and then they look fabulous again in their 40's??? The only conclusion I can come to is that it follows the having kids timeline. When I had "the" kid I was 24. I am now 34 with 4 kids and I look rough. I remember all the cute dresses I had when I was pregnant with my first two children... Now I don't even have any regular clothes that are that nice. So, I can see where by my 40's my kids will be older and I will be able to get myself back to normal again. But right now I am a mess.

So tell me dear readers... Does motherhood lead to letting your appearance go?

This old house

You know that old Bob Villa show where they restore old houses? Well, I am living an episode of that right now. We are in a 1930's house that has been randomly updated and it seems like every time I go to do something I have to deal with 5 other unexpected projects as a result.

First, there was the plumbing. A leak by the stairs in the basement, one at a junction where we had the water meter installed (the house was un-metered until genius here decided to ask the city why there was no meter) and one in the washer line. So, my dad came to fix the leaks and every time he tightened a pipe the next fitting started to leak. I have since discovered that this is a fact of dealing with old galvanized piping...

That lead me to having a plumber tear out my bathroom wall where it was all rotted to get to the shower pipes. Well, the pipes are fixed but DH's friend who is going to put back the wall and tile it can't come until next week... So here we are with a big hole in our shower wall.

Then there is the washer dryer situation. We have a place for a stack washer dryer, but because of an electrical redo we don't have a 220 outlet for a dryer. Well, no problem, I ordered a 110 dryer (bet you didn't know there was such a thing did you?). Only to discover that there was no outlet in the area of the washer dryer!!! UGH!!! So, now I have to have an outlet installed by the washer dryer area and am running on an extension cord for now. Of course, my dryer is still on order... So I am hanging my clothes on lines I strung up around the basement!LOL

Did I mention that our furnace is off so we are running on only a pellet stove??? And did I mention that the fridge is zapping people??? What about the crumbling stairs to the basement???

~~le sigh~~

Overall though, I am really happy with this move. I like the house and there is a boys room and a girls room. Not to mention tons of storage in the basement. And I am loving the location closer to the center of town. I am also enjoying having things in order now and actually being able to have people come into my house!!! I called a repair guy yesterday and had him come over in 1 hour. And I didn't spend that hour running around cleaning like a mad woman. I have a dishwasher now, which is wonderful... And since I am so close to our construction I don't have to spend my day away from home when there is work being done there.

All in all we are happy with this house, and glad we moved. No matter what little problems we are having I think it is better overall than any place we have lived so far, alhamdulilah. I might have to post some pictures!

Been away too long

I have been away for too long my blogging friends! I have been BUSY. I have started construction on a project we have been waiting on for too long, I moved, I had some health issues and was in the hospital overnight, and of course Ramadan. Oh yes, so many things.

I have been debating posting about all this, but I am having the issue of blogosphere and the real world intersecting. I don't know who reads this blog and knows me in life and that makes me nervous. Of course there are some people who I would have no problem know my intimate details, but they are the ones I know read this blog... It would help me to talk these things out, but short of moving to wordpress I am not sure how to do that...

So, I am actually going to start using a wordpress blog that I set up and have never used. I will link to it here, but you will need an invite. E-mail me @ ummlaylagd@yahoo.com if you want one. All I ask is that you keep out if you are gossipy or judgemental. I am keeping these things private because I don't want to run into someone I haven't been seeing and have them know all these things and I don't know they know... Or call my DH and tell him "hey, do you know what your wife is posting on the internet?" Anyway, e-mail me if you want in.

As for this blog, I have tons of things I want to write about!!! And of course I will do it soon. I just got an internet connection in my new house and I am ready to go!!!

I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt.

So, let me tell you a joke... Because it relates to an experience I just had, and let me just say that I learned my lesson and will no longer be selling cars to a certain type of person... I should've known better. So here's the joke, sorry if you've already heard it.

A guy from upper Egypt(always the uneducated stereotyped scape goat in such jokes in Egypt) is visiting his brother in Cairo. He has been hearing people in his village talk about a new device called a DVD player. He decides to visit the electronics shop closest to his brother's house and see just how much such a device would cost. So he puts on his best jilbab and heads to the electronics store.

He enters and as he starts to look around the shop owner comes to him and says, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

The man leaves. Of course he is discouraged and after talking to his brother at dinner he decides to go back the next day. So in the morning he puts on his brothers suit, combs his hair and goes back to the same shop.

He enters and looks around, he decides they must not recognise him this time and says with confidence to the first salesman he sees, "How much is this DVD device?" The owner appears again only to tell him, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

Now this man is really mad. He will get that DVD player and that guy will eat his words. So, he goes to the salon and gets his hair styled in the latest fashion. Then he buys a new outfit from a shop at the mall. Finally, he goes to the optometrist and gets himself some blue contact lenses. Then he sits with a friendly lady at a coffee shop who tells him that he should say DVD player, not device. He is ready.

As the shop is abut to close he hurries in and acts as if he is looking around for the first time. When he comes to the thing he wants he points to it and asks the owner, "How much for this DVD player?" The owner says to him, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

Now, the guy is steamed. He has to ask now... "I did all these things to look sophisticated, and to say the right things... How did you still know I am from upper Egypt?"

The owner looks at him, exasperated. "Sir, the device you have been looking at isn't a DVD player at all. It's a microwave."

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!

Anyway, I'm pretty much back. As far as the novel, well... Hemingway always said the first draft was crap. And I'm gonna have to agree with that sentiment. I have the bones of something, but it needs work! I think I will edit during Ramadan since I usually have some time between fajr and suhoor. Insha'Allah I will post some though to get feedback. It has a distinct tone to the narration and I want to be sure people "get it".

Did you miss me???

OK, so I know I haven't been sounding off as much as usual lately... And I have started my novel writing month so I will most likely be even quieter. Don't think I don't love you if I am not reading and commenting on your blog!!! I will be back to normal next month, but for now I have the internet connection turned off save a half an hour in the AM to check my e-mail. Gotta focus on writing if I'm going to meet the 1,600 some words a day thingi. BTW, current word count (in case you were wondering) 7,692.

You MUST watch this!!!

So yesterday I woke up to watch the news with DH and we saw Fox (of course) talking about the "radical" Muslim campaign to "recruit" people via subway ads. Naturally, I had to get to the bottom of it. This is what I found, and if you have money to support it I think you should, insha'Allah. It starts during Ramadan, insha'Allah.

Women's work?

Why is it that everything distasteful and difficult ends up as women's work??? Sure the men may come and lug the heavy boxes to storage, but who packs them? The men pay for the grocery's, but who is in charge of every other aspect of food service in the house? They buy the clothes and we wash them, but them away, mend them... And of course whose fault is it when the house in in disarray??? Well, it isn't the husband. Ugh. I think it's hard to say which is worse, working or keeping up with the house. I have my days where I am ready to trade my apron for a business suit... And yet I know that working sisters have it even worse, they have only added to their responsibilities.

I have decided that I have to clear my life of all the things that I have been putting off. Moving the things in our old house to storage... Cleaning it and getting all the repairs done and over with so hopefully it will sell. Also, admitting the fact that I will never re-open my store and moving out of it. And closing any accounts that are associated with it... As I am writing that sounds simple and easy. But it is not. I know I have a miserable week of fighting with DH ahead of me. I know he will say, "Why didn't you do this sooner?" and "Don't throw that away!!!" and the dreaded, "I need this at the house!" As if my tiny apartment isn't already bursting at the seams.

It is an arduous task... But one that no one else will do... Trust me I have been trying for a year to hire for it, convince DH to do it... No luck. It's all me... So here I go. I wish I could say the end is in site, but I know that all this will only deliver me to starting construction on our new property:P

I just wanna say....

What are you doing to get ready???

Are you up to the challenge???

I am taking the novel in a month challenge... And I am looking for partners in crime and/or people to keep me honest about it. The same guy who does NaNoWriMo now has a book and I will be making August my month, insha'Allah.

This is an effort to get back to me. I am at my best when creating, and I have to get myself committed to it so I don't keep just saying tomorrow, tomorrow... I know with all that I have going right now taking on another thing seems slightly insane, but I think that since this a me thing it will actually be good for me. Not to mention that doing this will give me a great sense of accomplishment, insha'Allah.

So, come on!!! If you have thought about doing it, lets make it a little Muslim Bloggers novel in a month thing. And of course if you are interested in helping keep me honest I will give you my e-mail and you can harass me about my word count at will during the entire month of August;) Of course I may need victims readers once I finish too.

Ana Masry

Cool song... And I'm not complaining or anything, but why does a Lebanese person have to say it???? The only thing that would make me love it more is if it was by an Egyptian singer...

Required reading for wanna-be's like me

The Yacoubian Building by: Alaa Al Aswany

I am deep into this book (which I have been hoping they would translate after I read about it when they were making the movie in Egypt) and I stumbled onto it in Target the other day. It is WONDERFUL. I am enjoying the modern history mixed in with culture and a cast of characters that manages to embody the idiosyncrasies of Egypt herself. DH has decided that after reading this I am TRUELY ready to get my Egyptian citizenship!LOL

So here is your homework... Go read it!!! Say you need diapers, or milk, or some other urgent thing and run out and get it. Then brew a pot of black tea with a sprig of mint and find a comfortable chair to sit and read in. Really, it's that good. And maybe I'll be giving a pop quiz... I was schooled as a literature teacher after all.

****WARNING**** This book does have sexual content, but you should read it anyway... 'Cause like it's necessary sexual content.

This is not my beautiful life...

You know the song Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads? I have always loved that song... And right now I feel I am living it. I feel as if I am driving through someone elses life or something. I don't know what it is... Maybe I was too into the book I just read, The Time Traveler's Wife, or something. Have you ever had that feeling?

I am longing for a house, a "normal" life... And I can't imagine that this mess of obligations and businesses all crammed into this little apartment is ACTUALLY my life. I always thought I would have a 9-5 type husband with a job and a tidy little benefits package. I also always thought I would have a house and spend my time shuttling the kids to and from violin lessons and soccer practice... Maybe have friends over for dinner on Saturday nights... And a family vacation once a year to someplace warm...

I am numb from all the things that are my daily life. I have so many dramas that they don't even seem like dramas at all anymore. DH asks me "What will move you?" when something goes on and I just sit back... Well, very little these days because if I went into panic mode over every little thing I would be in an in-patient treatment facility. But living like this is getting to me. Yesterday DH was watching a TLC show about a family with 8 kids (John and Kate Plus 8) and he remarked how nice the house was even though they had 8 kids, and how he wished he had a house like that. I laid into him. "Yea, well they have a garage and a basement... They have probably over 4000 sq feet and they can keep the kids stuff out of the main areas!!!" I yelled with as much venom as I could muster. And you know what? I was really mad about it. I got to thinking how silly our situation is, and how we are waiting for this daycare and wasting our money on all these businesses and I was really ready to explode. I laid in bed all day... And I can't really afford to do that. The nice thing was DH had the kids clean and when I finally got up to cook dinner the house was better than I had left it in the AM...

I don't know how to get myself back into the shoes of this person whose life I am living... I feel like I am watching things happen and I have no control. I'm just a gerbil on a wheel, running and running but getting nowhere. **big sigh** Am I weird or have any of you ever felt this way?

Can I rant about food for a minute???

I have some complaints about food, and since DH and I are both consummate foodies... Food is a big thing here in our house. Please stay with me and try to muddle through the sarcasm... I'm laying in on thicker than my bechamel...

1)Halal butchers (or halal haramies in most cases): Why is it that "halal" (which is incorrect for so many reasons really, it's more of a brand name... I would say zabiha, but I digress) butchers have the tendency to cut corners and price gouge? And why don't they have standards? Case in point... DH just bought about 20lbs of ground meat, 1/2 lamb and 1/2 beef. And the butcher put it all in bags labeled ground beef with no indicator to tell you which was which. So, now here I am defrosting bags praying that I guessed right. Of course lamb and beef taste totally different so I have ended up screwing up dishes because the lamb is too strong in them. Walahi, the guy at the supermarket has pity on me and my 4 kids and tries to help out by cutting things special for me and suggesting meat that will be good for what I am cooking... Why doesn't the brother???

2)Spoiled family members: I'm not going to name names here (but I think a D and an H are involved) but my culinary generosity has landed me in a situation where naming your own alternative dinner five minutes before we eat is the norm. This is a PAIN in my rear. What it does is throw me into a last minute panic and scramble even if I have planned and prepared ahead of time. Not nice. Ditto to special request for things you want 10 minutes from now and I don't have the ingredients for.

3)Wheat in everything: I know wheat is cheap, but I have an allergy to gluten which cuts it out of my diet... And I know it's a binder and all that... But does EVERYTHING processed have to have it? And do all cereals have to have malt (which also has gluten)? Alternatives people, PUHLEEESE!!!

4)Expensive, underripe, homogeneous produce: Does it occur to the marketing people here in the US that apples, oranges, pears and bananas are not the only fruit in the world? What about the concept that produce is seasonal... It's a big word I know, but it means that different fruit grows at different times of the year. Your produce section should probably reflect that.

5)Labeling and marketing should be separate issues: Although SOME people might be inclined to think that the word "natural" on a label actually means something... I am not. And although I do have my days where I feel only a rung above drooling imbecile even I know that you don't add hormones and antibiotics to chicken post-mortem!!!! So will you stop using things like "natural" on things like canned fruit, which was ALWAYS "natural"? And will you stop labeling meat with "no added hormones or antibiotics" and then having that fine print saying "the USDA prohibits the addition of hormones or antibiotics to all meat and poultry products" like I won't notice?

SIGH.... Just my two piasters as usual;)

I've been away too long!!!

Well, I have so many posts in my head that I want to write and very little time to write them! With DH back and the kids out of school things have fallen back into the familiar rhythm of days full with little chores and errands. The baby turned two on the 4th, I made her a kitty cake (pictured above) and her favorite dinner, spaghetti with meatballs.

Also, we are trying to get things caught up since DH's absence... Mainly this means collecting money and paying bills. Also, there is other stuff with his work and so on. Mostly, we are getting ready to move again (seems to happen often for us) to a little 3 bedroom with an unfinished basement. The goo thing is the kids will have separate rooms and we will have a laundry area in the basement, insha'Allah. I will also have a dishwasher again, yea!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all an update. Insha'Allah more substantive posts are in the works;)

Cake for a party...

Here's a sandcastle cake I made for a last day party at Yousuf's preschool. I got the idea from Family Fun magazine. Don't you just love kid's cakes? They make me smile.

Remember these on SNL???

I was just thinking of the deep thoughts bit on SNL today. Remember that? A kinda tongue in cheek response to the self help craze of the late 80's? I had a standing Saturday night babysitting job for a couple years when I was a pre-teen and I watched SNL every Saturday night. Remember Jack Handey's deep thoughts??? Here are a few that still strike me as funny;) Enjoy. And try not to wonder what someone who finds these funny pays for therapy. I am such an interesting case that I get all my professional help for free!LOL

Deep Thoughts

The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then I told myself, 'Go ahead, do whatever you want, it's ok by me.'
Jack Handey

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Jack Handey

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Jack Handey

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
Jack Handey

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what *really* throws you into a panic.
Jack Handey

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
Jack Handey

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
Jack Handey

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
Jack Handey

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
Jack Handey

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
Jack Handey

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
Jack Handey

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
Jack Handy

Sectarian garbage... Can we throw it out???

I went to do a presentation on the holidays we celebrate in Islam yesterday at my children's school for the 2nd and 3rd grades. Now, the topic was holidays... But the question and answer time went in a different direction. Of course I got the usual, "Why do you wear that thing on your head?". But a 3rd grader asked me a question that took me by surprise. And remember I was a teacher so it is pretty hard for a kid to say something that surprises me.

This little boy asked me... "Is it true that there was a fight when Muhammad died and the Muslims couldn't decide whether a more experienced guy or a guy who was related to Muhammad should lead them? Is it true that Muslims are still fighting about it?"

And whenever I hear something like this from a non-Muslim, I feel like the soft underbelly of the ummah has been exposed. Our weakness laid bare before people who may very well use it to harm us.

**sigh**

Of course the answer had to be yes. The kid even knew that the two groups were called Shia and Sunni... The only thing he didn't know was which was which. The only thing I could say after my yes is that we are all Muslims, regardless of what we think about this matter.

But I don't think that we all feel that way really. The divide between the sects runs deep. And if we truly want to end the fighting we have to admit that first. There is a reason that we are divided, there are differences between the two sects... But, insha'Allah, in the end what I said to that boy is true we are all Muslims.

We can all ignore it for as long as we want. We have avoided coming together for what 1400 years now??? But in this country and in this time when we have our face in the dirt and the rest of the world has its' foot on our back can we really afford to? Can we afford to let these differences keep us so busy fighting amongst ourselves that progress is impossible? How long will we let our own self hatred hold us back? You know how the worst fights are with the people closest to you?

So let it start with me. Hi, I'm Sunni. But I promise not to judge you or hate on you because you are Shia. Promise me that you will give me the same respect. I'm not going to front... I think you are a little off about some things, I've wondered if we are even following the same religion when I read books about it from the Sunni perspective and I know you think the same about me... I hope that we can talk about the differences in our interpretations of the religion and try to understand each other better. I hope you know that if you are next to me in the Masjid you can hold your hands to your side as you read Al-Fatiha and I will cross mine on my chest knowing that we are making these gestures with the same intention, the worship of Allah(swt).

We can't make peace with the non-Muslims until we make peace with ourselves. Just my two piasters.

Is the middle way the road less traveled?

I struggle to find my way through the maze of choices in this life every day. I kinda feel like I am stuck with either going to the extremes of the issues to be accepted by one group or staying with the middle path and having both sides disapprove. Now I'm not saying that approval is the most important factor in my decision making process. To be honest it rarely even factors in, unless we are talking about my husband which is another post entirely.

So, I guess what I am asking is where has the middle path gone? Does it exist? I feel inspired to keep looking for it when I hear someone such as Haza Yousuf speak... But I feel I rarely see it in my actual life. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places, who knows.

Something I struggle with is whose opinion to take when I am seeking an answer to a question that I feel is unclear in my knowledge of the deen. Let's take pigs. I have heard with my own ears learned men saying that the FLESH of the pig is what is forbidden so gelatin is OK because it is made from BONES. No, I'm not kidding you. Now on the other extreme I have had Muslims flip out when they saw Layla's Piglet toy. "Oh!!!!! A pig!!!! Is that a pig your daughter has?!?!?!? HARAM!!!!!" Where is the middle path people? No, I won't eat gelatin. But yes I will give our daughter a stuffed pig if it makes her happy. On second thought, let's not start on toys that look like living things... Oh I don't even want to try and unravel that one with you! So, I just want to ask have you noticed the following...

**If a new sister puts on hijab but has an American twist on it people will tell her it's not "proper hijab". If that same sister puts on jilbab and khimar people will tell her she's too extreme and she doesn't have to wear all that.

**If you get a loan and buy a big house the Muslims will come to visit you, ooggle over it and say masha'Allah about 70 times during thier visit. Then, behind your back they will criticise you for dealing in interest. However, if you buy a smaller house they will say masaha'Allah to your explanation of not dealing in interest and then behind you back go on about "How can he shove his whole family in that horrible little house??? His poor wife!"

**If you are a mother and you bring your kids to the mosque people will be irritated with thier behavior. If you stay home they will chastise you for never going to the mosque.

**If a brother marries an attractive woman (especially from a different nationality) he will be criticised for only choosing her based on looks. If he marries a sister who isn't so attractive everyone will be gossiping about what's the secret reason he would marry someone unattractive??? Money, a good job, dating her before marriage and her family forced him???

**If you support the Muslims in places like Palestine too much you will be accused of being an extremest. If you don't you will be abandoning the ummah.

**If you like to go to the movies, listen to music, read popular literature... You will be too Western. But if you unplug the TV and never spend another penny on popular movies or music... You are extreme.

You see where I am going with this... Right? I guess the Muslims are never happy. But also we can't seem to find a middle ground and leave people alone about it. Why is that? And what can we do about it? Just thoughts people, just thoughts...

Not everything that's good is easy...

I have not been practicing truley mindful guidance/discipline with my children for quite some time. My husband has taken on the role of disciplinarian and I gladly let him have it. Now with him overseas I have had to take on that role and own it. And it has been hard.

I have a temper. And I have too much work to do anyway... Which makes dealing with an explosive child very hard for me. I told DH and decided in my own mind that I was not going to spank. DH does (a literal slap on the hand which seems to be an Egyptian thing), and so have I because this is what the consequences are in our home... So this is a departure for us. I am reserving spanking for the rare instance where the child is putting himself in harms way... Which has not happened since the 20th of April when DH departed. And I am now trying to have the punishment fit the crime (so to speak). Make a mess, clean it up. Take advantage of a freedom (playing outside for example) lose it.

What has surprised me is that staying calm and limiting discipline to taking away toys or privileges has been hard for me. It seems like the more I bottle up the yelling the more angry I am. Also, I think I was satisfied by the immediacy of the slap on the hand in a way. It was easier than following through on things that happen later such as no TV time, or no dessert... And what is different about delayed consequences for me is that I have a second explosion to deal with when they are enforced.

I know my kids are old enough to understand consequences. They are 5, 6, and 8 now... And of course the 2yo is out of the equation. I know that this is the better way... It also seems to be the harder way. Much harder.

One thing I did about a month before DH left was a schedule. We have set times to do things. Breakfast, lunch, nap time for the baby, play outside/free play, dinner, bath times boys and girls on alternating days, and then reading and workbooks before bed. It made a huge difference. And I have been hiring for things that need to be done for DH's business that will take me out of my schedule. What does this have to do with discipline you ask? Well, I find that anticipating blow-ups and not just letting the kids run randomly from one thing to the next helps me AVOID having to discipline.

Doing the right thing isn't always easy. And it isn't always what you WANT to do. I would love to spank someones behind and send them to bed when they trash the room they are supposed to be playing in... But now I calmly tell them they will have to clean it up before the timer goes off or they will be missing dessert or TV time that evening. Allah be with me... I am trying!LOL

Read Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline...I know I'm reading it AGAIN!