"Verily, after hardship, there is ease" Quran
OK, so when exactly is my ease coming? Lately, well for the last 5 years of my marriage anyway, I feel like a single mom. I have my days when I seriously consider divorcing because I'm not sure much about my situation would change if I did. Of course I would have to get a regular job... But I also wouldn't have to live wondering what the next thing I will do to set DH off will be.
I guess I just feel like the only thing I am gaining sometimes is financial support, and I want more than a banking arrangement. I am just dragging lately... And it shows in my house, my mothering, my life. I have tried to talk to DH about it only to have him tell me I have nothing to be upset about. I can afford to go and do whatever will make me happy he says but then I have to come back and work on one of his projects, like the daycare he wants to open.
I never thought I was marrying a man who expected so much. And truthfully, I guess I am afraid that if I can support me and the kids (which is what he wants so he can go look for another job) I won't have any reason to stay married. I love my DH, but I am not this person... I want to enjoy my life and my children, I'm not lazy or deluded... Money just doesn't rank that high in my life.
Save now so we don't have to work when we are older? Great, but what if I waste the now and I still have to work when I am older? I don't think I can take that.
Breathe, Dammit, Breathe!
2 weeks ago