Send some duas this way... DH is in the hospital again with the infamous undiagnosable respiratory illness. The new twist is that this time is he went in before pneumonia set in which is giving them a chance to see that yes, this is happening in the absence of infection. Apparently the infection sets in later because the lungs aren't functioning well and the fluid accumulates. So, we are looking at autoimmune disease... But which autoimmune disease is still a mystery.
Have you ever heard the joke about the guy trapped on his roof during a flood asking God for help? If you haven’t, here it is…
There is a man, a good believer, trapped on his roof during a flood. A man on a boat rows by and say’s, “Get in, the water is rising and you will drown up on that roof.” To which the man replies, “No thanks, I am a good believer, and I know God will save me.”
The waters kept rising, and a larger boat of national guardsmen reaches the man. “Sir, the water is rising. You need to come with us sir!” To which the man replies, “No thanks, I am a good believer, and I know God will save me.”
Finally, the man’s house is overcome by the flood and as he is being swept away by the rushing waters a helicopter drops a line with a rescue man reaching for him. He waves the man away thinking, “No thanks, I am a good believer, and I know God will save me.”
Finally the man drowns. All he can think of is why God refused to save such a strong believer. So when he meets God the first thing he asks is, “I lived to worship you. I am a good believer, why didn’t you save me!” To which God replies, “I tried! I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”
Why am I telling you this?
Because after thinking that I may have celiacs for some time I am getting more and more indications that I should stop wondering and admit it. First, my brother’s diagnosis. Then, I read an article about thyroid and autoimmune causes of hypothyroidism. It sounded like me. Then my mom’s hairdresser found that celiacs was the cause of her up and down thyroid levels (which are remarkably similar to mine). Then my son’s diagnosis. Now, I have a rash that has all the characteristics of a rash caused by gluten intolerance (everyone who has it has celiacs, but not everyone who has celiacs gets it). I told myself the first time I saw it that it was because I was pregnant. But now I am not pregnant and the rash is raging on my elbows and knees.
Now, comes the question, “do I need more proof?” Well, I guess so because I just asked the Dr to order a celaics panel for me ASAP.
I am a chronic over-sleeper... I want to get up at 8, I get up at 9. But today, masha'Allah, I am up early, and am ready to go with gluten free muffins in the oven to feed the kiddos already. Yeah! Maybe I will actually make it to garage sales before everything is gone;)
OK, so when exactly is my ease coming? Lately, well for the last 5 years of my marriage anyway, I feel like a single mom. I have my days when I seriously consider divorcing because I'm not sure much about my situation would change if I did. Of course I would have to get a regular job... But I also wouldn't have to live wondering what the next thing I will do to set DH off will be.
I guess I just feel like the only thing I am gaining sometimes is financial support, and I want more than a banking arrangement. I am just dragging lately... And it shows in my house, my mothering, my life. I have tried to talk to DH about it only to have him tell me I have nothing to be upset about. I can afford to go and do whatever will make me happy he says but then I have to come back and work on one of his projects, like the daycare he wants to open.
I never thought I was marrying a man who expected so much. And truthfully, I guess I am afraid that if I can support me and the kids (which is what he wants so he can go look for another job) I won't have any reason to stay married. I love my DH, but I am not this person... I want to enjoy my life and my children, I'm not lazy or deluded... Money just doesn't rank that high in my life.
Save now so we don't have to work when we are older? Great, but what if I waste the now and I still have to work when I am older? I don't think I can take that.
I am a mother to four wonderful kids and the wife to one wonderful Egyptian! We live in a small town in the Midwest and work in our small businesses. I am also a Waldorf preschool teacher and childcare provider, a backyard chicken lady, a part time homeschooler, and a generally crunchy mama (think hijabi in birks).