I have been just trying to keep my head above water these days. We drove to Denver the week of the July 4th only to have our car break down halfway there. Now, when there are 6 people in your family you can't just load into the tow truck. Soooo, we waited an hour and a half for a taxi on the side of the freeway (of course we didn't let the tow truck take the car until we left). So now I have my grandma's old car (a vintage station wagon which unfortunately she smokes in) and DH is fighting daily the 1001 complications that have come up in getting our old car fixed.
Also, I am fighting (literally) my DH's moodiness. I am just about fed up really... I know he has things going on in his life, but he has a family and a wife to think about. He told me in an argument the other day that he was "this close" to running away to Egypt. Yeah, real mature. Then you add into it all this stuff we have going on... It doesn't make for a great environment. You know at these moments you ask yourself "Am I the crazy one?" Sometimes I am confident that he is just a demanding person, other times I wonder if I am really just not as hardworking as other wives. Sheesh. I guess the cold hard truth is that I am giving him lots of leeway because the house money is his. He's the only one making money. If I really do get my own income, I'm sure we would fight more because I would want more control over spending. And I don't know where a Muslim man gets off telling his wife that it's her turn to support him for awhile or she "owes him" for supporting the family anyway. It's odd. Ya Rubb!
OK, I'm just ranting and venting... I hope to be back with a more constructive post soon, insha'Allah.
Hadith about sisters and daughters
2 years ago
4 comments:
Asalaam Alaikum Sister,
It is good to vent sometimes, I think it sometimes prevents us from saying something we should not in the moment. Having said that, my husband is also suffering with an illness that can make him very tempermental at times. He is seeing a therapist though and that has helped greatly. Does your hubby have anyone that he can talk to who is a professional in some way? I think I read before that it is heart trouble of some kind, but I am not certain. Having major health issues can cause depression which is very treatable. I do know some people are very skeptical about these things but it is very common. Perhaps his heart dr can recommend someone to see about depression, or perhaps a support group? Just a few thoughts.
Other than that, inshallah, try to stay strong. Do you best to be patient, but realize we are all human and sometimes things are going to overwhelm us. So try not to be too down on yourself if you blow up.
I pray that Allah gives you comfort and ease during this time of hardship. That He gives your husband comfort and healing, and leads him to doctors who can help. Ameen.
Aeryn
Asalamalaykom,
OK, so I disagree with the idea that it's good to vent. I think that it stirs up more bad than good. This doesn't mean that I don't rake up my muck. It just means that I wish not to spew ishiness.
I think what you are doing isn't so much venting as asking for validation. Only Allah can truly accept you. All of us can only give you some small comfort.
What I can say is this: that running away to Egypt stuff is soooo over-used. "Ya, buddy, and I feel like running away to join the circus. Let's do it at the same time and just let the kids fend for themselves."
As for him having the house money? Actually, I bet the bank owns the house more than you do. Does this mean that the bank gets to walk all over you? Of course not. Whoever put the money in, can get it when it comes out...but in the meantime, shouldn't act like a tyrant.
Is that how he's acting?
And are you frustrated? Frustrations boil over, you know. Don't let them pile up inside you. I'm not saying to rant and rage on him. But, see how you can remedy the small things.
Can you really work with small children? I'm not sure how. If there is a way, do it...if there isn't...shelve it. Seems like most Egyptian men in the U.S. forget themselves and what they would really expect for their sisters (biological and spiritual).
Do you really feel you aren't doing enough? Get in touch with that. If you aren't---do more. If you are--shut up the negative voice inside you.
If he is moody, do what you can for him, but DO NOT start thinking you are responsible for cheering him up day after day. That will only crash you. Just be reasonable and expect the same from him.
You are a loving wife and devoted mother. Allah sees all you do and take comfort in that.
My loving wishes of familial happiness.
Aeryn, DH has pulminary hypertension and right sided heart failure (which is the result of a long term resp. problem) of an unknown origon. Now we have added type 2 diabetes to the list... So basicly he is in poor health. I do think it would help for him to see a professional, but he had a bad experience with seeing his sister get help after she became paralized. He basicly think all docs will turn you into a pill popping nutcase and leave you worse off than before.
HA, I hear you. And I do think venting (especialy in the wrong company) can end badly. I just get frustrated at my situation... And he has his way of being a real pain in my butt. Can I work? Yes, our plan is to start another bussiness (daycare) where I will be able to bring the kids with me. But, there are so many other things that I am expected to do where he feels I can do it with the kids and I say no. I just think he has no clue how it is to drag the kids around all day. I get tired, they get tired... Thanks for the thoughts. I have been asking myself some of those same questions!
LOL, As you know, I've had some of the same arguements. It is very frustrating. I think venting can be a good thing at times. Like when we were talking on the phone today. It really helped just to have someone to talk to about what was bothering me. I'm not nearly as frustrated as I was before we talked. Thank you!!!
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