13 Year-old Girl Commits Suicide After Cyber-bullying What do you say about the tragic suicide of a young girl who was only 13. To make it worse, she did it because she just broke up with a boy. And worse? Said boy never existed. It was the mom of another girl in the neighborhood who just wanted to see what was being said about her daughter online.
Is setting up a fake myspace page and posing as a boyfriend to a girl this young a crime? If she kills herself over the relationship is it a crime then? I was listening to something about this on NPR this afternoon and I got to thinking about it. I thought about it a lot. Where are we headed when a mother would do this to another woman's child? Even if she had no idea the girl would end her life over the break-up how sick is it to do something like that to a younger person? Where is the wisdom that comes with age in this country? Does something have to be defined as a crime so we will know it is hideous and wrong? I'm just so sad.
So I went and purchased the book Sneaky Chef which has been the topic of conversation in many parenting type magazines, shows, forums and so on. Initially I admit the idea was appealing. Hmmm, feed them good food with no argument? Why not. Then I got to thinking about it. Masha'Allah, my kids eat a wide variety of foods and I don't think I have much to worry about really. But even if they didn't I'm not so sure this is the answer. A scene of a well meaning mother delivering her sneaky meals to a malnourished 23 year old popped into my head.
Isn't it our job as parents to give our children tools to go on and be successful in life? I'm not saying that sneaking in a nutrient or two is wrong... But isn't it far better to teach them that there will be a way of preparing a less than desirable veggie that they might like? What about offering them alternate sources of said nutrient. OK, you don't like chicken... Maybe you like eggs. You don't like brussel sprouts... Maybe you'll like stuffed cabbage leaves.
I guess what I'm getting at is where are we going with this? Will our son's wives be passed this torch on the wedding night... "I know you are in love with my son and you want the best for him... So you should know he has never eaten a vegetable plain in his entire life. What you should do if you want him to be healthy is puree them and put them in all his food. Here's how:" I just can't imagine that a fussy eater who has been allowed to eat to his/her preferences for so many years will suddenly mature into a vegetable eating adult. I might be wrong about that... But I don't want to risk it.
Seeing this and thinking about the pediasure commercials just makes me sad for the children of today. We (my generation) seem to be pampered brats raising even more pampered brats. Where does it end? No wonder the waiters look at me strange when my kids ask for salad. Sheesh.
Well, I am not usually one to bag on someone else's culinary efforts... But DH's sister insisted that we drive three hours to her house for a Thanksgiving dinner (something we don't even celebrate) because she has her daughter this year. Well, I didn't really want to go and DH reassured me that her turkey would be good because she was just cooking it in an oven bag.
So, I didn't make dinner and we headed out at our usual dinner time. Well, we got there starving only to find the weirdest Thanksgiving dinner ever. The turkey had been cooked early in the AM (because she sleeps all day and is only up at night) and left on warm all day. Yes, from 5am to 8pm on warm. It had collapsed into a pile of turkey jerky. And she had taken off the skin and spiced the heck out of it... Why? Then the side dishes... Microwaved frozen veggies with dried Italian spices (again, why?) and the weirdest spiced rice ever. It was brown from the amount of spices and tasted like biting into a clove. And that's it. Oh yeah, Jello brand gelatin (not cool, but she doesn't believe gelatin from pigs is haram and she and I are constantly fighting over it... Her daughter will be horking down skittles and I have to be like, "no kids, we can't eat that because it has gelatin.") which was 3/4 eaten by her daughter with the spoon still sitting in the bowl. Good grief!!! I have never seen anything like it I swear. So, to recap... Turkey jerky, rice no one could eat, frozen veggies, and 3/4 eaten jello we couldn't eat. What?
OK, enough complaining. At least I got to shop the sales and go to Costco (club size organic products at good prices, yeah!). I hope your holiday weekend was a little better.
So, we have been in 800 square feet since March... And I am starting to have second thoughts about the arrangement. I still have not gotten the other house on the market (too much work to be done) and we are paying lot rent on it still. But, we won't move back there because we feel the area it is on is too polluted with diesel exhaust and DH is much better away from it. Not to mention that all trailers tend to have mice, and since we have been gone they have started to come into the house, YUCK!
We are too crowded here really. And since the time we moved here we have seen more visits from my husband's sisters than ever before. Weird. But I am feeling the strain. And I desperately need to have another room for the kids so I can have a boy's room and a girl's room. There are so many options, but finding the right set up considering DH's schedule is hard (to say the least). His sleeping area must be in a quiet corner and out of the general traffic pattern of the house. Which is not happening here in this space... But the funny thing is we are both stuck on not moving unless it is an improvement to our conditions... So here we sit.
I hate to move again, but I need another bedroom. And when my SIL comes this week I will be reminded of this once again (like her visits aren't annoying enough). I must say that even when we were in the larger space she managed to sleep on the couch in the middle of everything all day... So it's a problem no matter what I guess. Anywhooo, I hope we can move to a place with some storage and another bedroom very soon!
OK, I know it may not be a popular idea... I once heard a joke, What is the difference between men and women's expectations in marriage? Women marry men expecting them to change everything. Men marry women expecting they won't change a thing.
In that line of thinking, I started to ask myself what do I do differently now? Well, I used to dress more for the house... Put on makeup... Leave my hair down... So many little things. And I decided to start doing them again. I had the idea that just because my house is a mess doesn't mean I have to be. So over the last week, I fixed the hair color DH has been teasing me about, I have been dressing nice from the time I get up in the morning and I have been putting on a little makeup while in the house. And you know what? It was like a new lease on marriage. I won't go into the details but lets just say nap time hasn't just been for the baby this week and everyone smiles a little more freely.
I don't want to go all 50's house wife on you here... But no one says you can't use your feminine whiles for the common good of the home and still be empowered. Actually, maybe more empowered because a satisfied man is more ready to satisfy his wife, right? So just a thought ladies... Go put on a little makeup and a nice outfit. He won't be looking at the lbs you gained since the last baby, he'll feel like he got his bride back;) Just my two piasters.
PS. If you are usually a mess like me don't be surprised if your DH and kids look at you a little strange when you appear all cleaned up!LOL
I have been tagged by Shama for a nablpomo meme. Here it is!
So, here's what to do: 1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog. 2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself. 3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. 4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
My seven things: 1. I am fanatic about nutrition, natural health and the like but I am addicted to diet soda. I have tried many times to kick the habit to no avail.
2. I was a performer before I was Muslim, primarily musical theatre… And I was pretty good if I must say!LOL
3. Somehow I always knew I wouldn’t marry another American… All my serious relationships have been with people from other countries.
4. I won’t eat fish. Once again I KNOW I should for health reasons… But no. However, I do cook it for my family. But I hate it when DH buys them all intact with heads and scales and blech! I can hardly stand to touch them long enough to prepare them.
5. I haven’t been to many concerts, but among them… Nine Inch Nails, Amy Grant, and New Kids on the Block. Now you figure that out!LOL OK, I’ll tell you. The first one was my choosing… The others were with friends.
6. My first car was a green VW Rabbit, and I would take another one if I could get it until this day.
7. I remember the words to songs for years… My kids think I know every song on the radio! And I wonder why can’t I have that steel trap memory for Quran?
So, you know I have never represented myself as a scholar or even a person who has a deep understanding of the deen. I feel like I have just started to scratch the surface to tell you the truth, and I am more than well aware of that fact. So naturally when there is a call to teach a class or represent Islam in a theological way I don't even think about volunteering. You want me to talk to a women's sociology class about BEING Muslim? SURE! A panel where views of various community members will represent their PERSPECTIVE on Islam? SURE! A class on Islam for non-muslims? UHHHHHHH, isn't there someone more qualified?
Apparently not. After asking the local community (which includes a prof raised by a pretty big scholar) the University is left with who to teach a class on Islam as part of their community outreach program? A woman who ran away from Saudia with her American boyfriend. Yes folks, and she's apparently pretty bitter about the whole Muslim world. UFFFFFFFFF!!!
I am so angry about this, and I find it hard to believe that no one more qualified is willing to step up and teach this class. I am so TIRED of hearing this story repeat itself!!! From the "expert" on CNN to the person teaching Islam to University students... We are never represented by Muslims. Worse, we are usually represented by people with no respect for Islam at all. SHAME ON US!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have knowledge, don't let an opportunity pass you to represent the deen. No, you don't have more important things to do. Yes, you are qualified (and if you know someone who knows more than you get him/her to help you or convince them to do it instead!). No, no one else will do it. Yes, it does matter what someones first impression of the religion is. How wonderful would it feel to know that you put someone on the path to understanding the religion?
I know there are instances where the Muslims don't even get asked to speak about Islam... And even in those cases I think it is incumbent upon us to be there in the audience representing. And writing letters VOLUNTEERING to offer a Muslim perspective. And good grief if they come to a masjid ASKING for someone to teach Islam be sure that someone from the community takes them up on the offer.
Meanwhile, I will be signing my hijabified self up for the class to sit in the front row as a little reminder that Allah(swt) is still watching and taking account of her actions even if she is all mad at her Saudi family and stuff. HUMPH. Oh, and don't think I won't be ready if she starts talking trash about Islam.
What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? Bath and Body Japanese Cherry Blossom... And I also have the lotion and the body spray.
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? Yes, and it was expensive!!! But DH loves it.
What would you change about your living room? Hmmmm, size and I think I probably need to replace the nasty furniture.
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? What is this dishwasher of which you speak? Seriously, I ALWAYS seem to have dirty dishes in the sink.
What is in your fridge? A little of everything, alhamdulilah. Specifically, ground beef, chicken leg quarters, many cheeses, lunch meats w/o nitrates, organic milk, half and half, peppermint mocha coffee mate, lettuce, bell peppers, a few salad dressings, various condiments, pickles (American cucumber and Egyptian turnip), eggs, lots of yogurt, sodas (Pepsi, fanta, diet coke), juices (mango, guava, and strawberry kiwi), butter, jam, GF flours and turkey pepperoni.
White or wheat bread? Wheat, and on a good day I make it myself.
What is on top of your refrigerator? A giant fake plant. Oh, and behind that little Rubbermaid containers with dried beans.
What color or design is on your shower curtain? A beach scene.
How many plants are in your home? One, mint (does that count?).
Is your bed made right now? NO, DH is on it when I am not so it is never made.
Comet or Soft Scrub? Comet. And I always come back to it.
Is your closet organized? Yeah, it hasn't been that long since we moved I guess... Now the kid's closet is another story...
Can you describe your flashlight? Just one? With Mr. be prepared we have them in every size shape and color. Should I tell you about the propane heater just in case?
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? Mostly a ceramic mug. I got rid of many of my glasses because of getting broken and me being afraid of broken glass getting into a kid’s hand or something.
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? Iced tea? No.
If you have a garage, is it cluttered? Once again I will ask, what is this “garage” of which you speak??? My storage shed is nice and neat. I just cleaned and reorganized it last week as a matter of fact.
Curtains or blinds? Both. Privacy is an issue for us since our windows are all basically very visible to the neighbors.
How many pillows do you sleep with? Two, a small one for my head and a long body pillow for well, my body.
Do you sleep with any lights on at night? No, none at all.
How often do you vacuum? I should vacuum daily. However, my vacuum seems to have other ideas. Every time I use it I have to take it apart and unclog it, so I vacuum when I have the temper and time to deal with all that.
Standard toothbrush or electric? Standard. But the kids have electric.
What color is your toothbrush? White
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? I have a welcome mat in front of the apartment door.
What is in your oven right now? I have lasagna baking in there.
Is there anything under your bed? No, because our bed sits directly on the floor.
Chore you hate doing the most? Hmmmm, picking up clutter and folding clothes.
What retro items are in your home? Not much really, I can’t think of anything right now… Wait, I have little boom box type stereo from when CD’s were a new technology, doe’s that count?
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? DH has an office in another place… But we are in a small apartment right now. If I had another room I would separate the kids not make an office.
How many mirrors are in your home? 1
Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? Yes, we have a fire safe for important documents and emergency money. Remember what I said about Mr. Be Prepared?
What color are your walls? Off White.
Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? No, not really. Maybe one of my heavy Mag-lites?
What does your home smell like right now? Lasagna and garlic bread.
Favorite candle scent? Sandalwood.
What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now? Cucumber (American dill) and turnip (Egyptian style).
What color is your favorite Bible? My favorite Quran is blue.
Ever been on your roof? Nope.
Do you own a stereo? Nope.
How many TVs do you have? One little one in the bedroom.
How many house phones? Three. A regular phone and two cordless.
Do you have a housekeeper? WHAT? Don’t I wish.
What style do you decorate in? Neo-clutter? Seriously, I have four kids and live in 800 square feet. I can’t keep it in order let alone decorate.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? Solid, dark and kidproof.
Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yes, one in every room.
In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip? The safe, my diaper bag/purse and maybe my laptop.
I am a mother to four wonderful kids and the wife to one wonderful Egyptian! We live in a small town in the Midwest and work in our small businesses. I am also a Waldorf preschool teacher and childcare provider, a backyard chicken lady, a part time homeschooler, and a generally crunchy mama (think hijabi in birks).