Ramadan is full of mixed feelings for me, and I have been trying to write a post about that for a few days now. It just doesn't seem to be coming together. Maybe I'm just clouded by low blood sugar or something. If you are wondering about the picture... That is what I am focusing on this Ramadan. Trusting Allah. Trusting that all the things I am experiencing are part of my fate, Trusting that I have to do what is right and everything else will come, trusting that if He handed me a challenge I can meet it. Anyway, Ramadan and me...
The good part, is pretty simple. I feel closer to the religion, I am reminded all day of the importance of Allah in my life, and my husband and I share meals together on a regular basis (something our schedules don't always allow us to do).
Then there is the down side... I feel more isolated than usual because I know people everywhere are sharing iftar invitations and going to the mosque. And these are things that we just don't do. So there will come a time in the month when I will feel really sad about that. I will remember how much I enjoy cooking for a party, how much I would love to go to the masjid and pray a peaceful taraweh.
Realistically, I know I'm not the only person in this situation. I know the hadith about being strangers, the one about holding onto the deen being like holding onto a hot coal. And I still feel a little sad sometimes. I am an extrovert. People around me do matter. Things around me do matter. Although I'm not weak, and I will hold my beliefs even if they are different than those around me... But I do feed off of the rare person who sees things as I do. And right now, those people are a phone call or an online chat rather than a physical presence. And that's hard.
I'm not just crying into my latte here. I'm hoping that if you are like me and you are reading this... Don't let it get to you. Do something fun, something memorable for your kids... Even if you are all alone in your celebration. You have to build your own memories, start your own traditions. You are shooting without a script. It's hard, but you chose this path. And you wouldn't be on it if you didn't believe it was the better way. Most of all, remember that you are not alone. Somewhere out there is someone like me, doing the exact same thing as you... And in my heart I am with you. And I will remember that all of you are with me even if we live hundreds of miles apart.
So I am making dua for all of you. Kiss your kids for me. Buy your spouse something special to wear to the Eid prayer. Feed that elderly neighbor a share of your iftar (even though they are not Muslim). Hang some lights around your house. And remember you are not alone.
Happy Ramadan friends, I hope this is a time of prayer and reflection for all of you wherever you are in the world.
5 comments:
ramadan kareem :) this is a nice post, sorry that you're feeling lonely but you have your family and that's the closest and a blessed thing.
aww honey!! if youve read my blogs at all you know i am the very same....i get so lonely during islamic holidays too. hence the name solo muslimah!! i just get really sad when i think of families preparing joyfully for iftar or getting up for suhoor/sehri or planning huge eid celebrations. i have none of that...but god willing we will all have it one day..youre so right, we have to make it a great time for ourselves!! somehow.
take great care...i always think of my muslim family that is lonely and without others during this time..
salam and ramadan kareem
jana
as-salaamu `alaykum it's me, formerly known as UmmZ----- :) I SO know where you are coming from, I feel the SAME WAY. Our small-city masjid SUCKS and we have almost no friends. I am different in that I'm an introvert, but I still want to see people sometimes. Especially people who "see things as I do", which is um... almost never! Even though life as a mom has made me SO tired and mentally exhausted, I push myself to get up and do stuff for the sake of my kids.
Anyway, Ramadhan mubarak to you and yours!
Assalamu Alaykum and Ramadan Mubarak Ukhti...I felt each word you wrote and know the exact feelings you described. You have made my day a little more sunny and insha Allah you will have the ummah that you wish for and we all as Muslimeens need in this dunya...stay strong ukhti and we are all only a key stroke away from each other.
May you and your family receive the many blessing during this Blessed month of Ramadan.
Wa Alaykum Assalam.
Salams sis:
Of your wonderful post, what stuck out is the urge for taraweh prayer. I understand. I'm new to Beirut. From Canada. Every Ramadan in Canada had meant tugging along with my mom after iftar, washing the dishes real quick, then walking with her under the ramadan moonlight towards the masjid, and then pray taraweeh together.
So, imagine my face when i finally found a good masjid in Beirut to pray taraweh (smiles). True I'm not with my mother, but there are some real friendly sisters at the masjid that keep things moving for me during this blessed month.
best salams sis :_)
Q
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