So much for feeling fabulous

I have given up girly in favor of functional for the past 9 years as I have raised little ones. There is no glamour in spit stains after all. I have been slowly getting back to body lotions and nice little grooming products...

So I was taking a long shower the other day, enjoying some new products and the 2 year old woke up and used her potty. Somehow she also knocked my glasses off of the sink INTO THE POTTY!

I learned two things from this experience. 1) There is no glamour in motherhood. 2) Clorox does not produce enough bleach to make you feel good about wearing glasses that have taken a dip in a toilet.

Yeah.

10,000 hours, what are you doing with them???

I am reading an interesting book; Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. It poses an interesting question about success. Basically, what are the key elements of success. One thing that is discussed caught my attention. The author proposes that the number for being excellent at an activity is set; 10,000 hours. From hockey to computer programming, he found that people who we consider to be gifted in certain areas have all somehow spent more than 10,000 hours practicing their skill with the intention of improving it.

What is that? 1 1/2 hours a day for 20 years. 3 hours a day for 10 years. 6 hours a day for five years. Or, if you are really dedicated… 12 hours a day for a year and about 4 months. So could you, would you, do it?

It has gotten me thinking. We are all 10,000 hours away from being excellent at something we have an aptitude for. Are we willing to spend those 10,000 hours? Apparently, if you want to be a standout in your area you need to find them. And isn’t that crazy when you think about it?

It makes you think that all things are in our reach, if we only try. I’m not saying that you will be rich or famous if you spend that time… But you will have the potential to be. Maybe that’s why so many good writers have given the seemingly simple advice to fledgling authors, “just write every day”. They already knew the 10,000 hours thing even if they weren’t calling it that.

Kinda makes you think twice about that hour you spend in front of the TV huh? You could have memorized the entire Quran, written your first novel, painted your first work of art, built a piece of furniture, whatever you are good at. I think I will be writing for at least an hour every day myself… What about you???

Salmeh's new friend!

Here is a new doll I made for the baby. I think I am going to try a second one and fix some of the mistakes I made this time. But overall I think she's pretty fun.

Study Centers

So here are the his and hers study centers for the kids... I have included some more detailed picture's, but basically they are a home for supplies and books that they need for studying. It makes a difference for them because they seem to have the attitude that when you are sitting there you need to be working. The detailed pics are of Aly's desk, but all the same things are on Layla's too.


This is the hutch area where there are little containers for homework and other papers, shelf area for books and the back of it is a bulletin board. You might also notice the little white thing under the shelf, it's one of those under-counter fluorescent lights. I am a big believer in the benefits of proper lighting!LOL Plus, then the light didn't take up desk space. There is also a timer, the kids read for set amounts of time and I find a timer useful for setting up how long it should take to complete a task. Sometimes the kids just seem to do better if there is an expectation of how long something should take.


This is the right hand corner of the desk. The Rubbermaid holds pencils, pens, glue, scissors, colored pencils, post it flags, note pads and star stickers. The calendar is for placing a star on days when they complete all their work. The clock, well the same basically as the timer, time management. And the little silver thing is a digital recorder. I like them for practicing presentations and reading aloud. I can have the kids use them (or sometimes I record something on them that they can play back to memorise) for practicing reading and speaking. They can keep recording and I can listen to their progress when I have a chance. It was DH's idea and it has worked out nicely.


This is the little closed area by the feet, it has a drawer, which I am using for stored papers and a little cubby area where I am putting the workbooks that I am using with them.


This is a little keyboard pull out that I am using for learning game things right now, but will be for laptops in the future, insha'Allah. Layla will get hers at the end of the school year if she reaches certain reading goals, and Aly probably not long after. Layla seems more ready for one right now though. Of course as a dedicated reader, no reading... No laptop. I'm mean like that;)

Anyway, nothing revolutionary... But I promised I'd share so here you go!LOL

Muslims... Please!!!

I will be honest with you. My experiences at masjids have been less than transcendental spiritually fulfilling respites from the world... They have been more like smelling salts that shock me back to the reality of what Muslims today are like in large groups. Now I don't know these sisters and brother's hearts... But I do know their manners. And this Eid was yet another rude awakening to the reality that the ummah here in the US (I don't know maybe everywhere) needs some serious spit shining before we can even claim to represent this deen.

At my insistence we went to Denver to visit family the day before Eid so we would be able to go with them to the Eid prayer. This was the first time in 10 years that I have been in the larger mosque in Denver for the Eid prayer and it was CRAZY.

First, I was sitting on the side since I wasn't praying (ya'll know what I mean) and I tried to line up the older kids close to me on the ends. Sisters kept pushing them this way and that and no one on the edge was making a discernable effort to make a row, so the youngest got all flustered and came to me crying that he had no place to pray. OK, I can deal. Then after the salams all the sisters started getting up and going over to admire each other's outfits or something and no one seemed to have the slightest idea that there would be a khutba going on after the prayer... Uhhh, HELLO!!! So I made me way the center where the TV and speakers are and someone had turned the volume off. I could see, but since I don't read lips I have no idea what the brother was saying.

Then I went out to a patio area where people were milling around only to be leafleted to death. Of course said leaflets were flying all over the area in the wind within minutes. As were wrappers and balloons the kids had been given. My DH wasn't there so I started to people watch... Of course that means that I saw all the sisters with their scarves carefully perched on top of perfect hairdos which were revealed as soon as they stepped out of the mosque. And I saw the brothers drive up in customized Mercedes and Hummers which I KNOW cost more than you would ever imagine. Of course you can imagine that seeing the brothers driving their family of six off in their cab... Those cars can't be a good use of the wealth they have been given (IMHO).

So I started having my kids pick up all the trash before it blew away once the crowd was gone. Only to have a brother come and yell at them for stepping on the clothe they had spread for those praying outside. Now mind you about 10 minutes earlier the entire female congregation put on their shoes inside and then exited tramping all over that same carpet. But my kids were CLEARLY causing damage:P

Well, you see what I'm getting at. It's hard to have a religious experience when surrounded by this. I don't know what the solution is, but it's clearly a problem. So now I remember why my real religious moments in mosques have all happened during prayers that very few people attend!LOL

Eid prep...

So I am currently up watching Dexter (I'm halfway through season 3) on my dad's on demand cable and preparing gifts for Eid. Last Eid was a mess since we were in the middle of moving, so I have plans to make this one nicer. I am planning on making a pinata... And I got some nice outfits to go to the prayer in, all cute and matched. Also, I am going to hang some lights, insha'Allah. I am going to do cookie trays for the kid's teachers.

I like the whole gift giving thing so much. The one weird thing I am struggling with is a gift for DH. It feels strange to buy him something because I know he has such specific ideas for himself and it's his money I'm spending!LOL

The upshot is that I got the kid's desks today, and I really like them. I still have to get them some supplies, and some lighting.

So all of you out there getting the house ready for Eid, I wish you luck! I for one am getting excited;)

Back in the saddle again...

As you may know if you follow my blog I should have a bumper sticker that says I'd rather be home-schooling, but DH and I have differing views on the matter. I have to admit that after the first year of having the kids in school I stopped working with them after-school due to frustration levels (theirs and mine). However, recently it has come to my attention that DD #1 has stopped making reading skills progress since then. And DS #1 needs some serious help with his handwriting and geography.

So, during the time that the kids were in school this week I redid their rooms. Now we are going to make a special trip tomorrow afternoon for desks and a list of various study center pieces I have deemed essential. We are going to do some serious work at home again. And now that the kids are older they need to have a study zone. So we are making one.

I am breaking out the zayner-bolser handwriting books and have decided to go back to some phonetics stuff with Layla. I know she is going to hate it, but I think the problem she is having is an inability to sound things out. So, back to the basics. I am thinking Dr. Seuss and Shell Silverstein might be a good way to get some non-sense words into her reading and force her to sound things out. We'll see.

I am also going to start more Islamic education for them again. Truly, I have been a mess with that. I have no weekend school within reach, so it's all me and I have to get back to doing it on a regular basis. I do have one question though. How do you no-Arabi speakers like me handle the memorizing Quran? And what about resources for kids that aren't all just "memorize this, memorize that?" Hmmmm, if you have thoughts let me know. Actually the whole memorizing focus of Islamic education is a subject I would like to tackle, but it deserves its own post.

I have a digital camera again, and I will post pictures of their "study centers" when we get them finished, insha'Allah. If you mommies out there thoughts on good things to have in the home classroom just let me know;)

All I wanted was the simple things...

What is the simple life? There is a song that I love by no doubt that says "All I ever wanted was the simple things, a simple kind of life. And now those simple things are simply too complicated for my life." I feel like I am living that song.

I know there is a stage where everyone wants to be a rock-star or an astronaut... You very rarely hear a young woman saying she wants to be a wife and a mother, but once you are past that I think many of us come to a place where that is all we want.

I had visions of my life when I was getting married that involved an Odyssey and 6 kids in a nice home in Denver, CO. Maybe even someplace bigger and warmer like California. I never saw us as rich, but I did think we would be comfortable with a house and a nice life. My DH was getting a PHD in Engineering after all. I saw this whole mom's night out, friends over for dinner social life I would have. I figured I would have a sewing room and I would make things for my kids. I saw myself having beautiful home-births and a husband who supported my interest in home-birthing. I thought I would home-school and have my children play sports and be involved in the local Muslim community. I thought I might even be a public speaker of some sort for Muslim women. I saw myself filling a freezer with fabulous home cooked meals so we would have wonderful family dinners even when I was busy. I thought we would take family vacations and camping trips. I envisioned a garden and canning things from it. I'm going to be honest, so don't think I'm mean or heartless here because I wouldn't trade my family for anything... If I had known what my life would be like now, I would've hitched up my jilbab and run full speed in the opposite direction.

So I am starting to wonder if I am in mourning for the loss of something that was just never mine to begin with? Am I punishing the people around me for failing to become my dream family? Is my sense of detachment coming from the feeling that this is not my life?

And the real question.... Considering that my dream life will NEVER happen now, what are my goals?

There is a sense of getting shortchanged that is hanging over my head like a black cloud. Even as I write this I am getting choked up. I'm not saying that no one would be happy with my life. Actually I'm sure there is a woman out there somewhere living my ideal life that hates it and would take mine and excel. She would not only enjoy my situation, she would thrive in it. And isn't that ironic and strange???

I'm all for the bloom where you are planted thing. But it is proving to be harder for me than it sounds. On some level, and maybe I am spoiled to some extent, I have decided that these things I want are deeper than that. They are in fact things I need. And maybe there is some truth to that. Can meeting the conditions for survival end up in fulfillment?

Imagine that I put you in a place you hate, lets say you are a summer person and I throw you in Alaska. Then I give you food and shelter, but it is also the exact opposite of what you would choose for yourself. You are a vegetarian and I give you a meat based diet. You like a small warm house I give you a spacious drafty one. You like to sew, and I give you a garage with a wood-shop. Do you think you could live your life and not just survive but be happy in it? Because I guess that is the situation I feel like I am in.

**sigh**

Seriously, I can take my lemons and make lemonade... But what if I don't like lemonade?

My new BFF

If you don't see a picture on the post I'm probably blogging from my new BFF... A pink blackberry curve. Allah help you if you are on my IM list 'cause I am IMing from it as much as possible too. Oh, and of course texting at the speed of light. Very cool I must say. Thank you Verizon Wireless upgrade program!!!

Courtship vs Marriage

I was just thinking while I was at the store shopping for a special dish for DH about the various reactions to my cooking over the years... When I was a girlfriend (I wasn't always Muslim you know) I heard, "Anything that you blew your breath on is wonderful." Then as a new wife I heard, "You cook food better than a restaurant!!!" Now as a wife of over a decade I hear, "Why are we wasting money at restaurants when you can cook?"

You figure that out! **wink**

Reality Bites

Where were you when you realised that reality really does bite? I think I was in a horrible little apartment doing my bills with the check from my dream job (you know the one you get that magical degree for???). I saw that there was no way I was ever going to get ahead on the money I was making. Or, maybe it was when I was in labor with my first child and my husband was too tired to stay with me at the hospital and I had no one else to be there with me since I was in this weird little town. Anyway, I think I was in my mid-twenties when I saw all too clearly that my life was not going to be something from a magazine.

When I was up late a few nights ago I happened to catch the movie Reality Bites... I could see how it is kind of a mirror of our generations apathy and cynicism. I have to say it's on my list of movies that somehow strike a chord with me. Another one being Lost in Translation... And for some reason Fight Club (I guess I have some anger issues!LOL). So I am wondering dear readers... What are the movies that speak to you????

Tell me that's not cute!!!

The baby and the puppy

Motherhood and frumpiness (is that a word?)...

I have been noticing as we move that I have let myself fall into a major slump with my clothes. DH got me some nice things in Egypt, but most of them are not daily wear kinda stuff. And when I stand at my closet putting away what clothes I do wear on a daily basis... I am appalled at the depth of this frumpy oblivion I have fallen into.

So what I am wondering is, does motherhood make you frumpy? Have you noticed have women look good before kids, then there is a rough patch in their 30's and then they look fabulous again in their 40's??? The only conclusion I can come to is that it follows the having kids timeline. When I had "the" kid I was 24. I am now 34 with 4 kids and I look rough. I remember all the cute dresses I had when I was pregnant with my first two children... Now I don't even have any regular clothes that are that nice. So, I can see where by my 40's my kids will be older and I will be able to get myself back to normal again. But right now I am a mess.

So tell me dear readers... Does motherhood lead to letting your appearance go?

This old house

You know that old Bob Villa show where they restore old houses? Well, I am living an episode of that right now. We are in a 1930's house that has been randomly updated and it seems like every time I go to do something I have to deal with 5 other unexpected projects as a result.

First, there was the plumbing. A leak by the stairs in the basement, one at a junction where we had the water meter installed (the house was un-metered until genius here decided to ask the city why there was no meter) and one in the washer line. So, my dad came to fix the leaks and every time he tightened a pipe the next fitting started to leak. I have since discovered that this is a fact of dealing with old galvanized piping...

That lead me to having a plumber tear out my bathroom wall where it was all rotted to get to the shower pipes. Well, the pipes are fixed but DH's friend who is going to put back the wall and tile it can't come until next week... So here we are with a big hole in our shower wall.

Then there is the washer dryer situation. We have a place for a stack washer dryer, but because of an electrical redo we don't have a 220 outlet for a dryer. Well, no problem, I ordered a 110 dryer (bet you didn't know there was such a thing did you?). Only to discover that there was no outlet in the area of the washer dryer!!! UGH!!! So, now I have to have an outlet installed by the washer dryer area and am running on an extension cord for now. Of course, my dryer is still on order... So I am hanging my clothes on lines I strung up around the basement!LOL

Did I mention that our furnace is off so we are running on only a pellet stove??? And did I mention that the fridge is zapping people??? What about the crumbling stairs to the basement???

~~le sigh~~

Overall though, I am really happy with this move. I like the house and there is a boys room and a girls room. Not to mention tons of storage in the basement. And I am loving the location closer to the center of town. I am also enjoying having things in order now and actually being able to have people come into my house!!! I called a repair guy yesterday and had him come over in 1 hour. And I didn't spend that hour running around cleaning like a mad woman. I have a dishwasher now, which is wonderful... And since I am so close to our construction I don't have to spend my day away from home when there is work being done there.

All in all we are happy with this house, and glad we moved. No matter what little problems we are having I think it is better overall than any place we have lived so far, alhamdulilah. I might have to post some pictures!

Been away too long

I have been away for too long my blogging friends! I have been BUSY. I have started construction on a project we have been waiting on for too long, I moved, I had some health issues and was in the hospital overnight, and of course Ramadan. Oh yes, so many things.

I have been debating posting about all this, but I am having the issue of blogosphere and the real world intersecting. I don't know who reads this blog and knows me in life and that makes me nervous. Of course there are some people who I would have no problem know my intimate details, but they are the ones I know read this blog... It would help me to talk these things out, but short of moving to wordpress I am not sure how to do that...

So, I am actually going to start using a wordpress blog that I set up and have never used. I will link to it here, but you will need an invite. E-mail me @ ummlaylagd@yahoo.com if you want one. All I ask is that you keep out if you are gossipy or judgemental. I am keeping these things private because I don't want to run into someone I haven't been seeing and have them know all these things and I don't know they know... Or call my DH and tell him "hey, do you know what your wife is posting on the internet?" Anyway, e-mail me if you want in.

As for this blog, I have tons of things I want to write about!!! And of course I will do it soon. I just got an internet connection in my new house and I am ready to go!!!

I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt.

So, let me tell you a joke... Because it relates to an experience I just had, and let me just say that I learned my lesson and will no longer be selling cars to a certain type of person... I should've known better. So here's the joke, sorry if you've already heard it.

A guy from upper Egypt(always the uneducated stereotyped scape goat in such jokes in Egypt) is visiting his brother in Cairo. He has been hearing people in his village talk about a new device called a DVD player. He decides to visit the electronics shop closest to his brother's house and see just how much such a device would cost. So he puts on his best jilbab and heads to the electronics store.

He enters and as he starts to look around the shop owner comes to him and says, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

The man leaves. Of course he is discouraged and after talking to his brother at dinner he decides to go back the next day. So in the morning he puts on his brothers suit, combs his hair and goes back to the same shop.

He enters and looks around, he decides they must not recognise him this time and says with confidence to the first salesman he sees, "How much is this DVD device?" The owner appears again only to tell him, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

Now this man is really mad. He will get that DVD player and that guy will eat his words. So, he goes to the salon and gets his hair styled in the latest fashion. Then he buys a new outfit from a shop at the mall. Finally, he goes to the optometrist and gets himself some blue contact lenses. Then he sits with a friendly lady at a coffee shop who tells him that he should say DVD player, not device. He is ready.

As the shop is abut to close he hurries in and acts as if he is looking around for the first time. When he comes to the thing he wants he points to it and asks the owner, "How much for this DVD player?" The owner says to him, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

Now, the guy is steamed. He has to ask now... "I did all these things to look sophisticated, and to say the right things... How did you still know I am from upper Egypt?"

The owner looks at him, exasperated. "Sir, the device you have been looking at isn't a DVD player at all. It's a microwave."

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!

Anyway, I'm pretty much back. As far as the novel, well... Hemingway always said the first draft was crap. And I'm gonna have to agree with that sentiment. I have the bones of something, but it needs work! I think I will edit during Ramadan since I usually have some time between fajr and suhoor. Insha'Allah I will post some though to get feedback. It has a distinct tone to the narration and I want to be sure people "get it".

Did you miss me???

OK, so I know I haven't been sounding off as much as usual lately... And I have started my novel writing month so I will most likely be even quieter. Don't think I don't love you if I am not reading and commenting on your blog!!! I will be back to normal next month, but for now I have the internet connection turned off save a half an hour in the AM to check my e-mail. Gotta focus on writing if I'm going to meet the 1,600 some words a day thingi. BTW, current word count (in case you were wondering) 7,692.

You MUST watch this!!!

So yesterday I woke up to watch the news with DH and we saw Fox (of course) talking about the "radical" Muslim campaign to "recruit" people via subway ads. Naturally, I had to get to the bottom of it. This is what I found, and if you have money to support it I think you should, insha'Allah. It starts during Ramadan, insha'Allah.

Women's work?

Why is it that everything distasteful and difficult ends up as women's work??? Sure the men may come and lug the heavy boxes to storage, but who packs them? The men pay for the grocery's, but who is in charge of every other aspect of food service in the house? They buy the clothes and we wash them, but them away, mend them... And of course whose fault is it when the house in in disarray??? Well, it isn't the husband. Ugh. I think it's hard to say which is worse, working or keeping up with the house. I have my days where I am ready to trade my apron for a business suit... And yet I know that working sisters have it even worse, they have only added to their responsibilities.

I have decided that I have to clear my life of all the things that I have been putting off. Moving the things in our old house to storage... Cleaning it and getting all the repairs done and over with so hopefully it will sell. Also, admitting the fact that I will never re-open my store and moving out of it. And closing any accounts that are associated with it... As I am writing that sounds simple and easy. But it is not. I know I have a miserable week of fighting with DH ahead of me. I know he will say, "Why didn't you do this sooner?" and "Don't throw that away!!!" and the dreaded, "I need this at the house!" As if my tiny apartment isn't already bursting at the seams.

It is an arduous task... But one that no one else will do... Trust me I have been trying for a year to hire for it, convince DH to do it... No luck. It's all me... So here I go. I wish I could say the end is in site, but I know that all this will only deliver me to starting construction on our new property:P

I just wanna say....

What are you doing to get ready???