Any day now....

So I have headed into that time where I start to wish I never told anyone my due date... I am ready to have this baby, and I am finding it harder to wait. And, everyone is calling me asking if I had the baby yet. No, still waiting.

I did go over with DS #1... So I have tried to prepare myself for the possibility... But I am getting antsy. I was just saying to DH last night that I have the feeling this baby is going to hang out a little longer. I guess only time will tell. The thing that is bugging me the most... The feeling like every time I leave the store I have to be ready for the possibility that I might not be back for a week or two. And I have the same feeling about the house. If I knew when it would happen I could get things ready and in order for that date; but right now I just try to keep things in order and keep the laundry done and DH's work clothes ready so I am ready if it happens tonight. It's a little overwhelming. And I prepare big batches of food only for DH to eat them and then I feel I have to fill the fridge again "just in case".

In some strange way I feel like since I am getting worn down and tired I will be less ready than I would be if I had the baby now. Every day I look at the things I have to do and I just can't drag myself to do them. I am more tired and less able to keep up every day it seems. Well, alhamdulilah, maybe the waiting will give me a chance to get over this chest cold I have.

Amityville?

Soooo, I was fine with the concept that we were buying an old building with 100's of unknowns... And for reasons kinda personal this was a unique opportunity to invest at a level we normally wouldn't invest at. But I expected to find out things like the wiring was old and not up to code... What I found out is slightly more disturbing.

The place was a mortuary before it was a church. Yikes. I am trying to be level headed about this... But I am getting more and more distressed about it. I am afraid that by the time we move I will be downright freaked out. Is that crazy? I am a grown adult, and I don't even believe in ghosts (as in disembodied human spirits) but I do believe quite strongly in menacing jinn. And doesn't a mortuary seem like a perfect place for bad jinn to hang? Now DH insists that the buildings years as a church must negate all that... But I don't know.

And in the realm of the known... I just called for the utility history from last year and the gas bill for the church and the house in the back combined was $750 on the colder months. Now keeping in mind that the church was empty at the time, that's a huge bill. Does home-ownership get easier?

Well, I'm going to try to research the history of the property a little more with public records here in town... Am I being obsessive about this? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

Madesh Habibi

Every time I tell my DH I can't sleep or complain of some other pregnancy related thing he tells me, "Madesh habibi, a few more days." Don't say that honey! I feel like a mad woman running around freaking out about things that need to be done before the baby comes. Yah Allah I need a normal delivery this time. I can't be down for the 1-2 weeks with a c-section. There is just too much going on with us, and DH is never home with his second job (did I mention DH took a second job?).

I am trying to catch up on things I have been putting off, but I am tired and have to take frequent breaks... I finally took the clothes I never wear and donated them, then stored things I won't wear while BFing. And all the baby stuff is in order aside from a shipment of diapers that should be here any day, insha'Allah. The real problem is with 5 people in the house you are never "finished". I can never stand in my living room and say, alhamdulilah, then sit back and enjoy a clean house for a few days.

We are moving, insha'Allah, in August or so depending on some work we are having done to our new place... And I am making one entire room a family closet. Insha'Allah this will help me because no more lugging laundry to rooms, no more putting off folding and hanging because someone is asleep, and now I can get dressed even if DH is asleep in our room, yeah! Now dedicating an entire room as a closet may seem extreme... But keep in mind that there will be 6 of us, insha'Allah. That's a lot of clothes. And everyone has a dresser, so that's eating lots of space from the bedrooms. Not to mention DH's dresser in the living room since he needs to get his clothes at hours when the rest of us are asleep. As much as I hate moving, I am looking forward to the things we are doing in the new place. I can't wait to have two kids rooms and an office for DH... And the closet thing... That is assuming all those things actually work out like I planned!LOL I just hope that once we move I can get things in order and finally convince DH to go though his papers... It should've been done years ago!LOL

Another vaccine???

Cervical Cancer Vaccine Article

Now to be fair, I am a little weary of vaccines in general. And I am no virologist. But, read a book or two on the subject and I'm sure you will be leery too. Not to say that I don't vaccinate my children at all... I have chosen to do so with certain restrictions and some of my own input into the age at which they receive them etc.

Anyway, this whole cervical cancer vaccine as me a little worried. Why are we vaccinating against something tat the immune system fights off an estimated 90% of the time? And, if you are adding the numbers... It only fights 4 of the almost 80 known strains of HPV. And two of those don't cause cancer, they cause genital warts (the ones that don't cause visible damage are the bad boys). So, of the 3-4 thousand women in the US who get cervical cancer each year about 70% of them have one of the two strains in the vaccine. And the vaccine is about 97% effective... So, not some statistics person may be able to correct me here... But doesn't that mean we want to vaccinate all young women (they are shooting to do ages 12-14) to prevent about 2,037-2,716 cases per year assuming the vaccine is really that effective in reality? Sorry kids... I am not buying it. Also, what if women just assume that since they are vaccinated they can forget about pap smears? Not to mention the whole tone of "Well we all know you can't trust young girls so let's vaccinate them all."

Why are we so flippant about what we are injecting into our bodies? What about building a healthy immune system? What about the side effects of vaccines? When are the pharmaceutical companies in this country going to stop convincing us we nee to fill ourselves with their chemicals? Take a look at all the things we "need" now. How many times have you seen a commercial for some medication to treat something which used to be considered something you just dealt with as you aged of encountered it in your life for whatever reason?

I just cringe every time I pick up a parenting magazine with an ad for these new super combined vaccines (they have been indicated in many vaccine reactions). Yes, shoot your poor little infant's developing immune system with the maximum number of viruses and chemicals all at the same time! Great idea! Humph.

I'm not saying vaccines have no place or use in our lives. I think some of them are worth the risk... But I wish the government would just step off already. If you can convince parents of the necessity and the safety and they comply, great. But making chicken pox mandatory... Please. It seems like now that we are targeting just any illness we can... And I wonder what kind of things we are unleashing from Pandora's box by doing that.

Family Fridays

We have instituted a new practice in our house... Fun Fridays. Every Friday we go out somewhere or do something fun as a family. Now the one thing that I was noticing today is that it is hard to find things to do here in Laramie. DH is working today, so we have to do something without him... Which basically cuts out anything in FT Collins. Now I am thinking where will I go just me and the kids tonight? The movies. Or, the movies.

The thing is none of the pizza places have games here (and why go then when DS can't eat the pizza in the first place?)... The bowling alley has too much drinking for me to want to be the only woman in hijab on a Fri night... The skating rink is a little too disco at that time... And there simply are no other options here in town. So, do I just go to the movies cough up my $22 and forget it???

Insha'Allah, next week we will have a little theme party at our house. We could rent a movie and try to do dinner and some games with the same theme... Of course I would like to say I will save $ by doing this, but I always go overboard with these things and end up spending just as much at the dollar store for decorations and stuff as I would for the movie!LOL

OK, now that I am done complaining about Laramie... Let me say what I wanted to say in the first place!LOL I think this family night is a great idea. I wanted to do it for so long, and was finally encouraged when DH suggested that we should try to make Fridays special so the kids would grow up with a good feeling about Fridays and associate it with family time and enjoyment. I think it is well worth it! The only change I would make is if we lived in a larger Muslim community I would like to include other Muslim families in our plans. I think that would make it more fun for everyone involved.

Girls and Modesty

Teaching DD modesty is important to me. I don't think you can just spring it on them when they are 12yo and expect them to understand. My goal is to slowly keep building the idea and the habits of dress so that once she is old enough to wear hijab all she will have to add is the scarf. Sooooo, here we are again this year with shorts being on the forefront of every clothing conversation we have... And to add to the trouble you can't just go shopping and let her choose things from the racks because 99.9% is not appropriate! It's like taking gluten free DS to a bakery... I just try to avoid it.

The funny thing is boys have more options in the modest dress arena than girls!
I can find things for the boys no trouble. Heck, if I wanted them to follow the no legs and no tight things guidelines that I have Layla following I would have no problem at all. I get all the bermudas and loose cotton button down shirts I need, usually on sale!LOL

When did this hoochie mama thing reach clear down into the smaller sizes? And when did it become so pervasive? I ask it this year, and I am sure again next year too. Looks like I will be trekking to the Hanna Anderson outlet and also making some things for her again this year. Alhamdulilah I have some great sewing stuff!

Must get ready....

Must get ready for new baby. Must get house in order. Must get baby stuff cleaned. Must make sure I have any newborn stuff left at all. UGH!!!!!!!!!

OK, all I really need is the sling and the Moses basket along with the new diapers and covers... Plus a few sack gowns... But I just don't feel ready. Last night I had a dream that my labor stalled because I kept thinking off all the things I needed to do before I gave birth. Crazy? No way. I think mental readiness plays a big part in birth.

So, I will be breaking into the storage locker this afternoon (they accidentally put an extra lock on it and want me to go get the key from them to get it off, but I will probably just cut it) and retrieving the Moses basket and any and all boxes that say newborn. But, like I say I think I gave it all away or sold it at the store... As Yousuf and Layla grew out of things I just got rid of them... And I gave away all the girl things once I had a boy... Well, what would I want with newborn stuff that had seen three kids and 6 years by now anyway? Not to mention half of it was very very second hand in the first place.

Now the question is do I save stuff for the new baby starting now? What I mean is it worth saving considering that it will be 4-6 years before he/she grows into what the older sibling grew out of? Any experience with this? I save from Aly to Yousuf, but that is only like a year. Hmmmm.

OK, enough boring baby stuff for now. I feel like the countdown has begun though... You know that stage where getting ready for the birth occupies your entire brain? Yeah, I'm there.

One of the things I love about Islam...

I was just thinking today that I never really get time to enjoy prayer... There is frequently something else I am thinking of like what I need to do now, the food I left on the stove, the work I have to do at the store... Not to mention three kids climbing on me all the time. Getting out the prayer rug is like a call to them from wherever they are to stop what they are doing and run to me.

But, since my DH started working a second job I have rediscovered the peace of salat. After the kids are in bed, while DH is still at work, I have a peaceful prayer time to really enjoy. No rush, no other people around... I can just pray. Now fajar is like this for some, but ever since I converted just waking up and making wudu is about it for me... So, to have a peaceful time at the end of the day is a real blessing.

Many people would view Islam's prayers as restrictive, rigid and formalized. I think nothing could be further from the truth. Like children need structure to really bloom I think we need structure in our spiritual lives as well. I'm not waiting for a revival, at the most unexpected moment one of the daily prayers can lead me to a feeling of inner peace and revive my iman. So, I guess I just wanted to share how I feel about salat... How I had forgotten how much I love it.

The terrible very bad horrible no good day

Have you ever noticed how people close to you can really cut you to the quick when they are mad? Yeah. DH laid into me with some nasty comments about my lack of capitalistic drive in regards to the store... And now I put a nice dent in the trunk of the van backing out of a parking space. UGH. He's really going to love to hear about that especially considering the theme of the day is "UmmLayla doesn't appreciate money".