Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Seriously, advice?

I have hesitated to talk about this, but it has gone on for long enough that it can no longer be ignored. I have been depressed now for about 4 years… And what started as malaise has turned into a full-blown depression. I have tried to talk to my husband about it, but he is looking for “legitimate” reasons for me to be depressed and since there are none in his mind his conclusion is that I am just spoiled and therefore will never be happy with what I have. He sites my former fianc├ęs and their finances as the reason for this (they were extremely wealthy). I site no friends and his tendency to be harsh and hard to talk to. Whatever I think of the situation it leaves me with no one to talk to about it.

So, at the risk of sounding totally desperate and pitiful… I am wondering if there is anyone out there who has been through this. Maybe a sister who has been through it might have some advice on what they have done.

Truthfully, I have considered many things… Medication, therapy, moving, divorce, I am really at my wits end. I just want to feel like the cinderblock that has been sitting on my chest (especially in the last year) can be lifted at some point. I have so many things to do as a mom, a student, a wife and a business owner… I can’t do it feeling like this. The house is a mess, I fight with my husband, and I never seem to have time to study Islam… I just don’t know what to do anymore.

So, I know pitiful. But I am hoping someone will have some sage advice on this one.


laura said...

Dear Sister,
I'm sorry to hear that you aren't doing well. I was depressed before finding Islam, alhamdoulillah I am not anymore! Allah gave me a good husband and blessed me with good people in my life alhamdoulillah.
It sounds like you are quite isolated living in Wyoming and lack of friends is probably one of the reasons you aren't feeling well especially since you say your husband is very busy and doesn't have time to talk with you much. Also maybe he is used to another culture where women don't expect that kind of friendship from their husbands since they are surrounded by other women and often live with other women.
I don't have much advice to give to you except of course that you should maybe try to find time to isolate yourself to worship Allah and ask Him to help you through this trial incha allah.
Fill your heart with love for Allah, that is the best of remedies.
I wouldn't suggest medication because you get addicted to it and it's hard to get off.
I hope this helps and that incha allah things will get better in your life.

Surviving said...

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you. I have been dealing with the same thing for many years now. Nothing seems to help.

lala-po said...

Al salam alaikum-

I was/am going through something similar. I'm also married to an egyptian, with kids about the same age as yours. I really wanted to go on meds. My husband told me that I just needed to reconnect and force myself to find the time to study Islam in order to recharge my batteries. I've now begun to see that just wearing hijab, having strong political opinions, saying 'alhamdulillah' after you sneeze and the 5 dailies aren't gonna cut it. It's hard having no friends...the isolation can be maddening at times. Now, my challenge is to 'find the time' to recharge and heal myself...
Insha'Allah you'll discover a suitable solution and will feel better soon.

cncz said...

salam alaikoum-
i have some advice but i would rather say it in email. if your email is on the site, i'll run and do that, otherwise drop me a line.

Leila M. said...

drop me an email, I'll give you my number. If you need someone to talk to ok?

camilla said...

well I wanted to be like you too, studying, working, be a wife and now a mom. I know that I could not do it all at one time. When my daughter came, I put off certain things for the time being and concentrate on family first. I don't know if I will get the time to do the things I wish but I am happy now. Pray always sis and Inshallah God will lighten things in your life. My duas for you.

UmmLayla said...

Jazak Allah Khair sisters, it is nice to know you are all out there. Insha'Allah, I will try to move past this somehow... Not really sure how that will look right now. I am still open to hearing how other women have dealt with this.

Surviving, I know you have talked about it in the past on your blog... Maybe we could talk. Insha'Allah I will send you my #.

Leila, sending that e-mail shortly insha'Allah. It would be really great to chat.

Camilla, I know what you are saying... And I was better about it in the past when I had only one kiddo; somehow I have developed this whole now or never attitude. And DH expects me to work, so the store is cool since I can have my kids with me... But I think it has all become too much. Insha'Allah, I will sell the store soon.

Sobia said...

Welbutrin helps!!!!!!!!!!!!