You know the part in Signs where the main character turns to his brother and says there are two types of people, the ones who believe in coincidence and the ones who believe in signs? Well, I believe in signs. Allah (SWT) isn't just going to come to you as a booming voice; you are going to have to watch for his message... And I think I am supposed to be on the receiving end of one now if I can just put the pieces together.
Let me start with the beginning... On Thursday I had one of those moments of sincere asking, no BEGGING forgiveness from Allah for my transgressions. I felt relief. I felt peace I haven't felt in a long time. Then, Friday morning I saw our cat moving her litter and one, a gray one I have become fond of, was dead. I looked him over, and from what I could tell he had been smothered. It was really sad for my DD who loves animals. We buried it in the yard with her little body shaking from crying. We had a long talk about death being a part of life, the standard stuff. Then on our way to Ft Collins the manager from the trailer park where we have a rental trailer called and told us they are no longer letting people rent the trailers out. Which really screws with our plans because we were going to invest in more trailers as rentals. Then Saturday I got a call from my dad that our cat from when I was in school died. I know I know, dead cats??? Wouldn't Allah's signs be more eloquent? Then Saturday afternoon my DH woke telling me about a dream he had that he was reading a book with fire in it and the fire came out and was burning everything and then he had to read another book that brought water to put it out. Subhan'Allah, I didn't want to confront him about it (and I can't go there because it's his business)... But to me it was just sooooo clear. The first book represented something he has been struggling with and the second the Quran. Then later Saturday, I finally fixed my tape player in the van, and have been listening to lectures I have on CD and tape from various imams. I popped in one that I had forgotten about entirely and it was about surrounding yourself with positive people, and how who you are with all the time will affect your life greatly. Subhan'Allah. I asked for guidance. Subhan'Allah.
For me the death means change. I think this is preparation for a big change coming. I can't say I know what it is, but it is there waiting. And I know I wasn't ready. Now, I am trying to prepare myself... Open to the possibility that I might just be headed for an earthquake in my little world. I have some ideas about what it might be, but nothing can be certain. I just pray I can handle it well.
Breathe, Dammit, Breathe!
2 weeks ago