Wednesday, August 09, 2006

From here on in I shoot w/o a script...

DH had his usual August freak out about hsing... And since DD is obsessing about going to school we decided to enroll them this year. I hate it, but they have two parents and DH thinks they "need the experience of school and nothing bad happens in 1st grade or kindergarten, so now is the time". I have another thought... And that is that they are at an impressionable age and I want to spare them the knowledge that people in this town hate us just because we are Muslim.

Which is another topic entirely, DH blames my hijab for people even knowing we are Muslim... I blame him for insisting on staying here, we go nowhere fast when we get into that conversation. I refuse to be in a place where I have to compromise my practice of the deem to fit in, and I refuse to "blend" anymore than I already do. And I refuse for my kids to blend in certain ways, which wouldn't be an issue in bigger cites where schools are faced to confront the diversity of the student population and take certain celebrations to a more global place... What I mean is if I weren't in hicksville there would be no "hat's off to Christmas" in the curriculum because the district wouldn't allow it.

Anywhooo, you see where all this is going. We are at odds about things with the kids, and I have always promised myself that I would not exclude him in the decisions about these things... So they are going to school this year and I am doing The Well Trained Mind as an afterschool thing. Actually, I find them hard to work with in the afternoon (and I think that will only get worse after they go to school because they will be tired) so I will probably get them up very early and do an hour or two with them then.

The truth is that I would love to sit here and tell all about the problems we are having... Because it goes deeper than the kids school, I guess I just feel all bottled up about it. But I promised myself when I got married that I wouldn't talk about our private life, so I am keeping it to myself in real life an this blog. Insha'Allah this is the right thing to do... But please keep me in your dua.

I wonder these days if Arab men and American women aren't a good match. They seem to think we are superwomen, we seem to think they should do things that they never will culturally. Honorary Arab (she's on my sidebar) just did a post about it, so go read her post... I'll save you rehashing the same thoughts.

I pray for peace in my life, I pray for patience, I pray for wisdom and strength. I pray I stay married another day.

Oh, and whoever knows where the title for this post came from gets bonus points;)


Romerican said...

Maybe you can help us Kafirs by explaining why you choose to wear a hijab? I, for one, really don't understand the decision at all, but am interested to hear your logic.

UmmBadier said...

Asalamu Walaikum,
As I was gonna tell's not just Arabs, my non-Arab-non-western hub has the same issues... Alhumdiallah, it forces me to better know myslef and my deen..
So, I can't remember what helped my hub to see the need to homeschool...I know I nearly drowned him in info, but I can't remember the specific turning point...maybe it was the cumulative...
Would it help to give your hub a dozen or so fatwahs and articles about why you CAN'T send them to western schools? You are absolutely right about the impressionable stuff and how it will be impressed upon them that they are the kids are all homeschooled only and alhumdiallah, the have such great confidence about being muslims! And um I know of some brothers who are uncomfortable with their boys going out in thobes and their girls in hijabs, but I see my kids doing it because they want to be like mom and dad...alhumdiallah! Unlike friends' kids who go to school and come to hate/supress their muslimness. It's so determenatl to send them mixed messages...Like God is great and tells us to be like tis (the Sahaba), but um let's make people more comfortable with our appearance.
I'll help you with the fatwahs and articles if you like, really...your kids are my lil' brothers and sisters and it bothers me to think of the unnecassary problems instore for ya'll.
Peace and love

UmmLayla said...

Ouch, it hurts my brain to even see the K word in reference to someone! It's too strong, and only Allah knows our true hearts, the K word is not for me to throw around.

As for hijab, I wear it for the same reason I pray. I feel it is an obligation of my religion. There are reasons I think it was recommended to us, but they just cloud the real issue. Allah says do, I do. Now I could be better about it in many areas, but I try to follow the deen in my everyday life.

I would be interested to see the fatwa you have. Can you shoot them to me in an e-mail?
I know my DH wants to do right by his kids, it's just a matter of what he thinks is the best path. Maybe if I could help him see the reasons I am giving are agreed upon by people other than me...

amygdala said...

asalaamu alaykum. i know, i know... i often wonder if the american (british) - arab thing works, cos half the time it fails miserably round my house! i asked zawji once if he'd recommend a western woman to his arab friends. he said, 'only if they wanted oral sex'. now ehere do you start in analysing that one?!?!

UmmLayla said...

Well, Amygdala, you start by saying, "Tell me about your mother...." LOL

I think about it and I see all the Arab/western couples I know are basically together through it all because the wives have chosen to stick it out. And, masha'Allah, I have seen sisters overlook some real doosies to stay married. My DH has always said men never get divorced, women are the ones who end it; so basically if a couple stays together the woman gets the credit. And you know what? I think it may very well be true;)

Romerican said...

Thanks for the reply, by the way. =]