Sunday, February 10, 2008

But I'm not bitter...

We have been invited to an event today, an akeeka to be exact... And I don't want to go. I could think of a million reasons, but I think the sad truth is that I hate these women's rituals because I am bitter and jealous. You see I never had one.

I never had a big walimah(my MIL and SIL planned my wedding dinner and I didn't even invite anyone because it was so last minute and the whole thing was done w/o DH and I really being involved). And no one has visited me after any of my births. DH has never wanted to have an akeekah for our children... So I have never really had a princess for a day kinda experience to be honest. When my last child was born DH brought the kids to the hospital to visit me and we ended up in the family waiting room so he could take a nap in my bed. Our life has just not been conducive to these family rituals... We are always struggling, there is always work to be done.

Now, I don't wanna sound like I pouting (although I am!LOL) I guess I am trying to fess up. Yes, I hate celebrations because I am a bitter person who is just a little jealous. There, I said it. I feel better now.


Aeryn said...

Asalaam alaikum Sister,

I am glad you feel better. Sometimes it is tough when things are tight and people are busy. If you felt better not going I would say thats fine. Insha'Allah you took the time to do something nice or relaxing for you. We all need some self care now and then.

May Allah bless you and your family,


Anonymous said...

I can understand how you feel about thiese rituals. In my country we have some wonderful rituals that have been carried into America with us. My mother who got married and had 2 of her children in that country did everything to avoid those rituals when I got engaged, married, and when I had children.

I have always had an anger inside myself on why it was like this with my family. But I can't change the past so I have made it a point myself to follow these rituals for my childrens sake. Plus if we don't many will be lost and it's so a part of us.

Ummhana said...

I found myself at a walimah yesterday. It was so mesmorizing to see all the beautiful dresses and decorations. I tried to remember the small reception after my marriage but it was nothing like what I attended last night. I even enjoyed all the sisters I have missed over the years since we have moved an hour away. I was also saddened that the sisters who I were once close to were distant to me. I then was pricked with the reminder of how I used to feel when I first got married to my Indonesian husband and went to these gatherings. I didn't understand the English and I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. It was made worse by the realization that there were a lot of Americans at these gatherings but they were all men who had married Indonesians or Malaysians. Maybe being so far removed from their community in way of location has erased many of these feelings. I guess one of the things that is good about being removed from these sort of the realization that there is not the drama and pretense that comes along with it. Also I got so side tracked reading your blog tonight after I read that your husband took your bed at the hospital to take a nap after you had given birth...I just have to say "Huh?!?" MEN!


Ummhana said...

oops didn't undnerstand the Indonesian not English...I can hold my own with the whole speaking English thing *giggle*


UmmLayla said...

Thanks Aeryn, you are right. I did go, I just kinda kept it short;)

Christine, it's funny how traditions get lost between countrys. I hope you can keep them going in your family... That way no one has to grow up bitter;)LOL

See UmmHana, now you have me wondering if I mentioned that before (the sleeping thing)... DH and I have had our ups and downs, and to be truthful there are times when he drives me up a wall. Sleeping in the hospital bed was one of them. Actually, sleeping usually has something to do with it!LOL

Mona said...

Oh, I'd feel the same if I were you. Good news is akeeka's can be had at anytime, not only right after the birth, so maybe your husband could change his mind. It's sunnah.

Mona Um Ibrahim said...

Assalamu Alaikum. InshaAllah in Jannah you will get everything you ever imagined of and more! :) May Allah grant us Jannah. And yes, you can do aqiqah any time. My youngest sister had hers as her highschool graduation party!

UmmLayla said...

Mona & Mona (hehe) ***audible sigh of relief*** You are both right, we can do it anytime... And they would actually be able to remember it!LOL