Thursday, April 24, 2008

How I'm holding up...

Well, everyone asks how things are without DH here to help... And I have to say that things seem to be going pretty well around the house. I have a stressful situation with my son's school going on (more in a minute), but nothing that DH being here would help with. Overall, things are getting done and DH's business is going fine. I was hoping to be able to do more, but I always overestimate my actual abilities;)

I got a call from the school counselor today... And she wants to meet with me tomorrow. I guess my son told her I "beat" him for breaking the toddler bed last night. Well, yes I did smack his hand for breaking the bed. And since the "spank" or "smack" doesn't make sense to my Arabic speaking husband the kids tend to call this "beat". So I explained that to this pseudo-mental health professional and she still insisted on meeting with me about my son's "behavior" and how he has been "upset" lately. Which I think all comes from his home room teacher who HATES us from day one (she's also a minority so I think it's one of those things where you treat the newer minority group like dirt to feel superior). The counselor was insinuating that this had something to do with my DH being gone and maybe things were crazy at my house since then... And I told her we are talking about days here but I don't think she heard me. She seems to think there is something going on in our home that I am not telling her about. Now what that is in her mind I have no idea.

I guess what irks me is that she talked to my son without my permission. She saw that he was upset in class and then took him out to question him without notifying me. I hate that. And it is just what I feared would happen to us here in hicksville. They are chasing this negative stereotype of "Arabs" and I am sure if they keep trying they will find a reason to say we are bad parents. UGH.

I got pretty upset with my husband about this. I let him have it about not caring what investments we have here, if they are seeking to take my kids none of it is worth the dirt it sits on... But he insists that we just have to fight from the beginning and be proactive about it. Whatever. I've heard that from him before... And EVERY time we go to small claims here in with a dispute with over a rental or a bill or whatever... We lose. As the tenant, as the landlord, as the person being owed money, as the person owing money. It's funny actually. I have never seen anything like it.

I'm sure that I am paranoid. I am sure that I am overreacting and that this "counselor" wants to talk to me about my son's behavior as much as what he said to her (I have mentioned the "problems" he has been having this year before). But I feel like these things are just modern day witch hunts. Once they start there is no way to prove your innocence. So I am paranoid... Even though she said, "I understand he's a kid... And it's not like I'm going to report this to DFS or something." I am worried.

I hate this place.

Allah, deliver me.

Ya Rubb!

**UPDATE 4/26**

I talked to the counselor yesterday and much to my relief she is a real psychologist... Which is hopefully a good thing. We talked about some other things that he has going on and how he has come to the school with stories about big kids taking his lunch, us moving to another state, and other random stuff. So she thinks it's stress... And she wants to talk to the teacher about it. She said she will get back to me with what she hears from the teacher.

However, she coincidentally overheard the teacher complaining to someone about me talking to the principal and requesting that my younger son not be in her class next year. The Dr was pretty surprised and came to her own idea that maybe the teacher was singling us out without me having to even mention it. I credit Him with this... what are the chances that after she was ready to call me in about all this she overheard a conversation like that? Subhan'Allah.

So here we are. But it has triggered a fight with DH. He is all miffed and blaming me for not being more aggressive about our problems with that teacher. I am blaming him for not making our family a priority and always putting me in these situations where I have to fight with people.

I am not a fighter by nature... So I have been a wreck with it. Fighting with the city, with contractors, in small claims, with the teachers at the school, with billing people from various places, basically with everyone. I HATE being put in this situation where my life is constantly filled with conflict. I can't have peace like this. I am not a confrontational person by nature. Something has to be pretty extreme and pretty important to me before I will get into it with anyone. So being like this gets me all tied up in knots. I have been taking migraine meds like candy. I finished a supply that usually lasts me 6 months in one and am actually considering a daily preventive one even though I hate that idea. Well, alhamdulilah I have a good one because my migraines will keep me in bed otherwise... It's an involuntary day off if I get one and I don't have my meds. Every once in a great while I will test it to be sure and it never fails me!LOL

I still hold to the idea that this place is the problem... But I don't think DH is going anywhere. He even suggested that we build our own file of good things and get witnesses ready if there is a DFS case filed against us. This is ridiculous, IMHO. I don't know why we have to live here if it is such a problem... And it makes me nervous for the daycare. I know I will have employees and all... But the idea is in my head now that people here just don't like/trust us so all I need is one mad client.

Anyway things went fine, alhamdulilah. Thanks for your well wishes.


Umm Layth said...

as salamu 'alaykum ukhti

When we were kids we had the Child Protection Services at our home all the time. We have a disabled brother who yells when he doesn't get his way. I mean he screams so loud as if someone is beating him. So yeah been there.

It's hard in this country and especially when our children are in the public school system. Hang in there and ask Allah to help you. Insha'Allah all of this will turn out okay. May Allah help you. Ameen

Hijabi Apprentice said...

Oh Umm Layla! I'm sorry. I don't think you are paranoid. The teacher in my childless opinion was out of line. If she had some real concerns I think she should have contacted you directly first! Oy! Hugs from me and my Hybrid.

ma'a salaamah,


Umm Yehiya said...

Salaamu alaikum.

Oh, I'm sorry. That would be scary and I don't think you're just being paranoid. InshaAllah she'll believe you and respect what's really going on - which is just normal stuff!

I pray you and your family will live together where ever it is best for you in this dunya. Ameen.

Aeryn said...

Asalaam Alaikum Sister,

I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time out there. Insha'Allah things will get better soon.

May Allah bless you and your family,


Molly said...

Oh my, Allah be with you habibty. I hpe everything works out ok.

Anonymous said...

Asalamu Walaikum Sis,
Last semester I read a bunch of academic articles about how educators and admins, even when gloriously trained in multicultural awareness, bring all their biases and prejudices into the classroom--because they are human, ya know--even though they tend to think they are special. This one case study out of the UK was about how British teachers repeatedly try to "save" Pakistan-British students from their backwards, oppresive culture. "Save" them.
If I was U, I would call ISNA and ask for advise about how to approach the administration. Ingrid Mattson came to our community recently and they are giving a lot of attention to youth issues amongst Muslim Americans. It seems you are beyond the level of needing to go in and teach 'em a little something about Islam--I know, you do that--but me thinks that backazzwards folks you are dealing with are beyond multicultural sensitivity training.
I was at the homeschool curriculum fair today, got great stuff. Yes, I'm sticking it to you.
Love and Peace,

UmmLayla said...

Aww now Brooke, play nice!LOL

Did you see my pen -pal thing? Interested???? You know you could use an excuse to do some writing practice!!!!!