Sufism?

My SIL has become interested in Imam Ghasali (is that how you spell it) and Sufism. DH is flipping, but I have always wanted to know more about it myself. Does anyone have any recommendations for more information on Sufism? Any Sufis out there with thoughts?

IUD update

So, I got the IUD this afternoon as planned. It went well, alhamdulilah. The midwife told me to get ready for a pinch and a big cramp... But I didn't feel anything, masha'Allah.The midwife told me I must have a high threshold of pain, I am thinking I was lucky!LOL Also I think I just feel pain differently than some people. Whenever I feel pain I tend to have stomach problems. Weird, but consistent. I has always happened to me the day before and the first few days of my period and in early labor. Maybe that's my body's version of cramps. OK, I may have just given you more information than you ever wanted to have!LOL

I guess I am saying, so far so good. Masha'Allah. Now I just have to convince the DH that there is nothing to be afraid of since both of my SIL's have been telling him about people getting pregnant with the IUD! GOOD GRIEF!!!!

YUMMMM!

I must confess that I get obsessed about things sometimes... I get an idea and I keep researching and planning and learning more than I really need to know. My latest obsession in jam. I have become interested in the process of making jam and canning in general. I am making strawberry jam this afternoon, insha'Allah. I even made the fresh bread to go with the test batch!LOL

Now, I am making plans to make pickles and can vegetables. Is getting fixated on canning wierd? I hope not.

If you haven't seen him yet....

I have been following this brother's videos for quite some time. He makes me laugh, he makes me think. If you haven't seen him yet, check it out.Ummah FilmsThanks for this one brother Aly, you really did remind me.

Say hello to my little friend....

I know that it may be slightly controversial for a Muslim woman to publicly discuss her birth control choices, but I figure if no one ever talks we will all just be in the OB's office starting and that BC chart and thinking, "HUHHHHHH?". So, here I go.

I have been going through the BC thing since my baby was born a year ago in search of an option that actually makes sense for me. See, I got pregnant on the mini-pill and had some mind numbing headaches after the third round of Depo... So it was time for a new option. I have revisited the BC thing after my last three pregnancies and tried something new every time.

When I was not really serious about BC after our first child (we were spacing not really preventing) I used a diaphragm. Now, for those of you who have never even used a tampon or checked your own cervix... A diaphragm might be a little odd for you. But, once you get used to it you can do it pretty quickly. My Dr (family friend) at the time told me I could always teach my DH to put it in and then I wouldn't have to break the mood. "I thought you knew my DH? Maybe I should introduce you sometime... His name is _____!" was my response. But maybe there are people who that would work for. For the rest of us it requires a bathroom break, and a generous application of spermicide (which changes vaginal PH and cause more frequent infections for some women).

Then, I went to the mini-pill. No mood breaking, no interfering with breastfeeding... And I got pregnant with my third child when our son was about 9 months old. To be fair, I wasn't taking it at the same hour every day like I was supposed to... But I was always taking it before bed, so go figure. I don't really promote it because I feel it may not be enough hormone to interrupt the cycle for all women.

Then, now gun-shy, I wouldn't let them send m home from the hospital without a depo-prevara injection. They are a time release hormone and they last about 3 months. I got 3 boosters and then headaches and irregular bleeding forced me to consider other options. We went to spermicides until we were ready to get pregnant again.

This time... Well, I started out with the nuvo-ring. It worked fine (less side effects than the pill) but even after the adjustment period of two months I was suffering from a reduced milk supply. So, I took it out. Now, if I wasn't nursing it would've been fine. But, in the long run I would rather stay away from hormonal BC. So... I talked to my midwife AGAIN who told me that I might want to consider what she has always relied on, a copper IUD. So, we agreed I would just come in next time I had my period (since that is when it is easiest to insert) and that's now. So, Monday I go in and get the IUD placed. I am a little nervous about it, but ready to be done with BC conversations and trial and error with hormones.

So, I know you might be thinking that you don't really care to hear about BC... But if you want an actual woman's perspective on it, here you go. I will post Monday about how the procedure went and whether or not it left me considering celibacy as an option!lol

rant

I have been just trying to keep my head above water these days. We drove to Denver the week of the July 4th only to have our car break down halfway there. Now, when there are 6 people in your family you can't just load into the tow truck. Soooo, we waited an hour and a half for a taxi on the side of the freeway (of course we didn't let the tow truck take the car until we left). So now I have my grandma's old car (a vintage station wagon which unfortunately she smokes in) and DH is fighting daily the 1001 complications that have come up in getting our old car fixed.

Also, I am fighting (literally) my DH's moodiness. I am just about fed up really... I know he has things going on in his life, but he has a family and a wife to think about. He told me in an argument the other day that he was "this close" to running away to Egypt. Yeah, real mature. Then you add into it all this stuff we have going on... It doesn't make for a great environment. You know at these moments you ask yourself "Am I the crazy one?" Sometimes I am confident that he is just a demanding person, other times I wonder if I am really just not as hardworking as other wives. Sheesh. I guess the cold hard truth is that I am giving him lots of leeway because the house money is his. He's the only one making money. If I really do get my own income, I'm sure we would fight more because I would want more control over spending. And I don't know where a Muslim man gets off telling his wife that it's her turn to support him for awhile or she "owes him" for supporting the family anyway. It's odd. Ya Rubb!

OK, I'm just ranting and venting... I hope to be back with a more constructive post soon, insha'Allah.

Kefir and kombucha

DH has called my remedies "voodoo" ever since we were married 8 years ago. The only thing that has changed is that he now ASKS for my "voodoo" rather than running from it. I have become interested lately in probiotics... And the result is that I am, insha'Allah, going to start growing my own kefir and kombucha cultures. Basically, they both result in a drink. Kefir is like yogurt (a drinkable consistency) and Kombucha yields a tea which is pretty similar to apple cider. Why???

Drinking "living" drinks has different health benefits depending on the drink you are talking about. Kefir helps balance yeast and grow a healthy environment on your insides for optimal absorption of nutrients and general digestive health. This one is pretty straight forward and like a good yogurt regimen pretty widely accepted as fact. Kombucha tea falls further into the "voodoo" category, but basically the kombucha culture digests the sugar and tea into a slightly vinegary drink with several detoxifying ingredients and some helpful vitamins and enzymes.

I was given a kombucha culture by a friend in college and remember that it did make a pretty drinkable tea that I tryed. Of course I was young and in good health anyway, so I gave up after some time since I really thought I didn't see a drastic improvement in my overall health. Now, with all these things DH is on for his condition... Detoxing seems like a good thing. His liver has already started to show some stress on the blood tests, so I remembered kombucha.

If anyone has thoughts on the whole thing, let me know. I am new to growing kefir, so I might be crying for advice... But I have purchased it from the store in the past and yikes!!! I paid a bundle for the three week course I did to kick a case of thrush I had when the baby was about 2 months old. But, it did work. I even applied it topically for the first week. And I rubbed acidophiles on the baby's tongue every time she nursed (since I was afraid to give her the kefir since it was cows milk). And it worked wonders. I also lost my tummy pillow that I always seem to have. Of course the tummy crept back later!LOL

Ummmm, OK I'm rambling now. Kefir good. Kombucha, hopefully good. Making them at home, good. Amywhoo, back to my whole wheat bread (which hopefully hasn't over-risen).

Yellow polka dot Burqini?

So, DH and I have been contemplating meeting at the local rec center every morning and taking the kids swimming. This leads to my usual question of, "Is it worth it to try to find a modest swimsuit or will DH tease me until I run and hide in the locker room?" Ha Ha.

I think I have settled on making one, but we will have to see how expensive it is to buy that many yards of swimsuit fabric!LOL So, has anyone out there bothered to try these "modest" swimsuits? What do you think of them? I'm thinking no matter how much they suck I am dying to get into the water with the rest of the family!!!!

Of course in looking for images and ideas I came across all sorts of craziness... And if one such crazy person should happen to stumble across my blog. No, these suits are not oppressive. The fact is once you wear hijab and are committed to it you feel naked without it. I know, I know... "How's that?" you ask. Well, everyone has their own standard of modesty. I personally think that most women work hard to overcome the natural feelings of shyness to go out wearing a bikini... I know I did. So if you see a woman in a "modest" swimsuit, please just smile and say, "To each her own." Look, as long as you don't force me to wear your suit... I won't force you to wear mine, deal?

Egyptian Husbands

I have had so many people find me by searching for something to do with marrying an Egyptian... So, I thought I would humor these searchers with my take on being married to an Egyptian. Not to be mistaken for my earlier post on You know your husband is Egyptian when...

Basically, I think Egyptians make a good match for American women. Assuming that they are from a city... Because I could see where there might be more friction/cultural mis-understandings if a big city American married a village Egyptian. Overall, as long as you both give each other some time to understand the differences... Insha'Allah, you will be fine.

The things that might come up... Keep in mind that I am generalising here... But after a decade of Egyptians I have noticed some trends.

I have seen standards of modesty as a problem in some marriages. It seems to me that Egyptians (no matter what religion) are very modest people. So they really don't want to see their wife in a mini-skirt and a tube top walking out the door... EVER. I never had this issue personally, because I wear hijab, but DH has seen it happen with his friends.

Family, and visiting family... Egyptians are loyal to their families no matter what. I have seen Egyptian couples separate over one insulting the other's mother, sister, brother, whatever. This fierce loyalty is all good if your spouses family is normal, but can be a real hassle if they are not. Personally, this comes up for me all the time. I can have a lengthy conversation with my DH and feel he sees that his sister can be awful and downright destructive only to have him go visit her the next day. Alhamdulilah, I am over it because at least he lets me say how I feel and doesn't expect me to visit. But I have seen this be a source of tension in marriages where the husband not only visits the crazy relative but insists that his wife does too.

Disciplining children. DH jokes that some people in Egypt beat their children for breakfast. I think that may be going a little far.... But I do think the manor of discipline is different between Americans and Egyptians. Americans talk to their children and try to shame them out of bad behavior. Many Egyptians skip the shame in favor of a smack on the hand. This can be hard because consistency is so important with children. So, rather than a disciplinary tug of war, I think couples should have a policy for their home. And it should be specific.

What constitutes a meal. I have heard American wives bemoan the amount of food they have to serve in order for their husband to call it a meal countless times. It seems that Egyptians just have bigger meals, so don't be shocked when you serve what you think is a meal and your spouse asks "Where's the rest?"

He might think that you are Superwoman. It seems that men from all over the world have the impression that American woman can do everything and work tirelessly. Ummm, no we can't.

I'm sure I could go on with the trivial things, but those are the major ones that I can think of. Now for the great things about being married to an Egyptian.

They LOVE their families. Yes, along with the bad parts there are good parts to the loyalty to family. Your DH will put your children first and will love them fiercely.

They have kind hearts. Most Egyptians are kind, generous, and welcoming. You will never feel uncomfortable in your spouses friends homes. And, I think it rubs off. You will find that he brings out the sweetness in you too.

They will never be too busy to sit and have a cup of tea and some sweets with you... Providing that you bring the tea and the sweets;)

Hmmmm, I hope that I haven't offended. As I said, these are my observations. I would urge caution to anyone marrying someone from a different culture as I have mentioned in previous posts... But I think that Egyptians are a good match for us American girls most of the time;)

Magnoona has left the building...

Soooooo, if you have been paying attention you know my SIL (the one here in the states, I have two) drives me to the brink. She has been visiting us for the past two weeks, and basically just annoying me as much as humanly possible. For the finale today, for the first time in my 32 years, I yelled straight at a person other than my DH or my poor mom (whom I yelled at a lot when I was a teenager). Yes, it was my SIL.

Now, I have maintained my control with her so many times. I have kept my cool with a woman I swear would make Gandhi renounce his pledge of non-violence... But today I laid into her, and of course she yelled right back and the whole thing was rather unbelievable really. DH just woke up to go to work and he told me, "Please tell me that this evening didn't really happen."

Basically it went like this. I tell DH that even our neighbor whom my SIL saw only briefly during her visit (she was sleeping on the couch 99% of the time) mentioned to me how sad my SIL seemed and how hard her life was with her disability and thier mom dying. DH then tells SIL, see even our neighbor knows your sad story and proceeds with his usual advice about don't go around making sure everyone knows you are miserable and they should feel bad for you. Now see this is where the sequence of events should stop for a normal person... But you are not talking about a normal person you see, so then... SIL concludes that our neighbor must know from a mutual friend about her sad life and her tragic situation (which is just crazy because if you sit with my SIL for five minutes she will tell you about her sad life, you don't need secondary sources) and gets really angry that this mutual friend who knows the details of her situation only for the purpose of setting up a fund for her (some sister set up a trust fund for my SIL because of her "tragic" situation) and how dare she gossip to anyone about it (that's my SIL's job of course). But, she doesn't stop there, noooooo. My SIL then proceeds to go over to our neighbor's house at 10pm and confront them to find out what they know and who they know it from. YA RUB!!!!!!

So, I am sitting there, watching from my window knowing I can't do anything to stop this psyco, and she is about to cause a big problem. I am imagining that this poor woman is going to be berated by her husband about this since I know they are not the type to gossip and are very private people... And the wife really said NOTHING. What she said to me was very general, you would say the same thing if you sat with my SIL for five minutes. And my SIL is going to them accusing them and their friend of gossiping about her. I was ready to pack my bags and move. I was sooooo embarrassed. Then she brought the husband to our house only to continue the fight with my DH in front of him. So, the polite husband left and soon as he could and went back home. So now, my SIL and my DH are screaming at each other. Soon, she is telling me look what you started. I went crazy.

I started by telling her that she couldn't even see the point of DH talking to her. "He was telling you that you can't go around telling everyone your problems so you fix that by going and telling our neighbors your problems and dragging them into the fight with your brother?" From there, it just kept escalating. She is accusing DH of just being dragged into my evil plots against her... I'm telling her she is crazy and doesn't have the social skills God gave an avocado... DH is telling her his whole life with her is like this... She's saying she just wanted to clear her name and we are the crazy ones... And so on. So, as I am answering a phone call from the neighbor (who were masha'Allah very nice about the whole thing) saying she never heard anything from their mutual friend and let's just forget all this ever happened, my SIL just leaves. I am hoping she is going home. But no. She went back over to our neighbors to say one more thing. I was livid. DH just told me "Ma'laysh, just go have some chai because you can't stop her."

Now, I have to say I'm not sorry I yelled at her... Although I do know that it doesn't make her see what she did. I feel better. And, Alhamdulilah DH had my back... Which is a nice feeling. I guess the really crazy thing is that she has no idea what she did. UGH. I told my DH that if his other sister comes to the states (which we have been planning for this summer) I can't have both of my SIL's here. If we want the whole family to be together it has to be somewhere where my crazy SIL can only embarrass the s&*% out of me in front of total strangers. Just what I needed after feeling drained from chasing all the kids (she brought her daughter which DH and I must watch and include in everything but never discipline) and dealing with her demands for the past two weeks so she can sleep on my couch all day. Sheesh. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish as they say. Now I just hope I can get the courage to go BBQ with the neighbors tomorrow as planned. I'm just praying that my SIL didn't cause them a big fight.

Sugar coated Islam

I have been noticing a new movement in Islam... For lack of a better word, I will call it sugar coated Islam. It seems like people are just pushing the idea and not the substance of Islam. I see it in my own born and raised Muslim SIL. It's this wierd idea that you can just "Do your best" (which is usualy pretty far from actual Islam) and everything is fine.

I know everything STARTS with La illah... But you should build on that, not have it as your only goal. And this attitude has been leading to some things that I just can't stomach. Maybe I'm a hard-nosed person... But there are things that even if I do them, I am under no illusions that I am right. What I am seeing more and more from people is a lack of understanding that they are bending the rules. Quite the contrary, they think they are good "modern" Muslims. You know, considering how different things are now, and how hard it is to be a muslim in today's world (rolling my eyes).

Now from my perspective, there is no such thing as a "modern" muslim. We should be striving for the same things that the people around the Prophet were striving for, and in the same ways. The trappings of our life may be different, but the substance should be the same. I accept that we will have a hard time reaching the levels that people around the Prophet reached (they had a stellar example after all) but I don't think that means we should stop fighting for it.

So before you tell yourself the fairy story that "we live in different times" followed by "so it's ok to pray late, to read less Quran, to let our children stray further and further from the deen... (fill in the blank here)". I want you to think about what happens when you set the bar that low. You won't jump higher one day... You will just keep lowering the bar.

Let me tell you a little story with my kiddos that was making me think about the expectations I have for them. This week my 7yo got a new bike. It was her reward for learning to ride a two-wheeler. Now, I never asked 5yo and 4yo to try to ride without training wheels, because I assumed that if my DD didn't ride untill she was 7yo they wouldn't either. But, DH and I decided to go against our assumptions and when the boys asked to have thier training wheels off we responded by taking them off and assuring them they could ride without them if they just kept trying. And you know what? I chased my daughter for months trying to get her to ride, sadly proclaiming it "hard" and it took her months to learn it. My sons went off with a smile and a you can do it... Only to have them return hours later RIDING A TWO WHEELER!

So, this weekend when I get out the salat programs and try to have DD learn fatiha and everything she needs to know to pray, I will raise the bar and include my sons. You never know, maybe they will all learn together.

NOT an all inclusive resort....

OK, so I know that I shouldn't talk but I am going NUTS here. My SIL came for an unexpected visit (which is enough if you have four kids in 800 square feet) and brought all her problems and demands with her.

Last night she woke my DH after we had been asleep for only an hour screaming hysterically (not a good thing to do with a person who has an overworked heart and problems sleeping)... Why? She was cold and didn't want to get into her chair and go like 2 feet to get a blanket. The night before she called for me at 3:30am after a whole day of chasing kids and doing all the set up and break down for a day camping by the lake to get her tums. I was peeved and I stomped downstairs thinking, you had better be dying!!! She said sorry, and I felt bad that I was mad and at least was happy that she knew it was an annoying thing to do. But noooo, she had to continue "I tried to call you on your cell phone, but it was down here." Sorry for yelling, not for waking me at 3:30am. Now, this is funny because she is just like that. She sits on the couch demanding things all day, or sleeps. THIS IS NOT A RESORT!!!! I am not a place for her to crash and be serviced. She must be doing these things for herself at home because she lives alone.

Can I just say that this is not the time for this? We have so many things going on with the businesses and our lives. I am ready to have a throw down with the guy I am renting my store from. The permits for our property are taking an eternity. Our tax guy is sooooo behind I am going to have to go to a new accountant soon.... And so on. I need a break, and am in no position to give one to someone else right now. Sheesh.

OK, rant over.... Now I'm going to try to post some pictures of DD2 eating the cake we got her for her first birthday yesterday... Incidentally, she liked the bath she got after the cake more than the cake itself!LOL

cupcakes

These are some cupcakes that I made for teacher appreciation day at the kid's school. But I'm sure you can imagine that I have bigger things on my mind. Yet somehow focusing on cupcakes makes things seem more manageable.

The new place is small but good. DH has so many issues... WOW. My baby will be one, insha'Allah, on the 4th. My store has to be moved by the first and I don't even have a new storefront yet. I am treading this bizarre path back to the certainty I had about the deen when I made shahada, and it's slow and mind boggling, and deserves it's own post. DH might go to Egypt without the family to save some $ in a few weeks and it will be the first time we have been apart for more than a week since we married. This week we should get the news about the development of a property we have been working on and see if the city will let us do what we want to do or not.

Anywhoooo.... I am just kinda rediscovering my entire life these days. It is weird, but there are so many things going on for us lately. So, here I am sitting online at 5am trying to decide how to use my Shukr store credit, ordering some things from land's end and finding deals on essentials that I can't get in WY on Amazon.... Allah help me through this weird time.

MIA

OK, so I have been missing in action lately and I wanted to talk about why.... It seems I have too much going on right now and hardly have time to think let alone get online. But, insha'Allah, things will settle down soon.

The big thing is, my MIL passed away and we have been trying to get ourselves in a state where DH can feel comfortable going to Egypt. There is some debate about all of us going, but it looks like that would cost too much.

The other thing is my store. It has to be moved because the guy who is doing all the work (leaving me w/o finishing my store since February has bought the building and I now have to move the store. UGHHHHHHH No, I don't want to move ANYTHING right now thanks sir!!!!

And for flavor, my washer died 2 weeks ago and I have been doing laundry at a coin operated place spending roughly $30 a week on laundry. GRRRR But DH got me a new washer (which I was in charge of the search for) and it's a front loader! YEAH! And in the same truck load I got a new bed and found it for $470 when here in Wyoming (at the same store mind you) it was $650.

Anyway, things are crazy here. I have been in Denver, Cheyenne or whatever and driving a lot more than usual. And of course on the phone to all sorts of passport people, travel agencies and airlines too... Insha'Allah I will get DH to Egypt and things will settle down a little.

OK, I know I said no more you-tube...

DH saw oiur van at the dealer where it is on consignment the other day and he told me... "It's not even our van! They got that wierd smell out!"

Duhhhh

I actualy found myself having this conversation with DH the other day...

EH: I can't believe this. I looked in the mirror today and I said where is all this grey coming from?(Egyptians think grey hair is a sign that your days are numbered).

UL: Well, you went bald early... So maybe the grey is the same thing. (Great, bald and grey!)

EH:?????

UL: *blushing* Well, I mean your hair thinned when you were younger than usual.

EH:?????

UL: *stamering* I mean maybe it's just in your family...

EH:?????

UL: I mean I love you honey!

I know, I know!!!!

Last you-tube I promise... But this song brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it on the album and I think if you haven't heard it you should. Pay attention to the quote at the end.

Muslims love thier mothers...

Why do I feel bad?

My little store has been closed for about three months now because of construction in the store next to me. There are holes in my walls, drywall dust everywhere, no bathroom, no lights in the hall/storage area and I lost about half my square footage. Oh, did I mention my back door doesn't close anymore?

I have been feeling bad for the guy who owns the building and paying full rent anyway. He hasn't offered me one penny of compensation. Grrrrr. Why do I feel bad for people who don't feel bad for me?

So, today I am going with the intention of talking to him about it. I was hoping to draw him out by not paying April... But it hasn't worked. And I HATE these confrontations. I know I will end up caving and saying I understand when he tells me pay up and if you don't like it move... But sheesh. I feel like I deserve some compensation. The construction started with no warning. The guys working there were sleeping on the premises, and eating and smoking... Now, here I am with a hole behind my register, no phone line to run credit cards and lovely enough... No bathroom which means I don't even have any running water to clean all that dust and I will be stuck with a 4yo and no bathroom and my employees will be working an entire shift w/o a bathroom break or closing to go next door to use the restroom.

Well, wish me luck.

Blogger ?

Can you make posts private on blogger? If so how? I have some posts that I can't really have just out there for everyone, but I want some feedback on.