Meme! from Amygdala

I am... a Muslim, a mother a wife, a creative but disorganized person.
I want... the world to be a safer place for my children, for my children to feel equally American and Egyptian but totally Muslim, and to have the gift of enduring iman.
I wish... I was a better housekeeper and a more organized person.
I hate... fighting with my DH.
I miss... being able to read a book in peace, and living close to friends.
I fear... never fulfilling my "purpose".
I hear... my children all around me.
I wonder... what my life will look like 10 years from now.
I regret... nothing.
I dance... to all the things I listened to in school, Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Violent Femmes, NIN...
I sing... all the musicals I was ever in or wanted to be in, because that used to be my big thing.
I cry... more than I would like to about tired subjects.
I am not always... as spacey as DH thinks I am.
I make with my hands... clothes, anything I can knit, food, poetry, and insha'Allah someday I will use them to make birth easier for my sisters.
I write... to have a voice, to be heard.
I confuse... most people.
I need... to be loved and feel secure.
I should... spend more time on things that mean the most to me and less time doing what my DH wants because I am afraid to say no.
I start... too many things to finish.
I finish... things that I am excited about.
I tag... no one;)

Lady Madonna, baby at your breast...

So, I wanted to post something in recognition of whoever managed to get here via a google search for breastfeeding Muslim wife. Now, I can only hope that said person as a good brother looking for info on supporting his wife during their child’s early years… Not some weirdo.

It is actually so odd that I have never posted anything about bfing considering how important advocacy is to me. So, I’d like to take the time to address the most common reasons Muslim women have given me for not bfing.

I Can’t BF When I’m Out
Many Muslim women seem to be under impression that wearing hijab means they can’t nurse in public (NIP). This is just wrong. It is based on the assumption that there is no way to maintain modesty while NIP. You can nurse a baby without exposing yourself. There is no reason that you have to stick it out (as dh would say) to nurse.

The awkward moment in the whole thing is getting the baby latched on. This can be accomplished in two ways, cover or turn so no one can see you. There are some really cool shawls that work well for covering and letting you peek in on baby. Or, a simple blanket will do… I use the end of the sling personally. And the other option, well I think you can figure that one out!LOL

The other factor in easy NIP is clothing. You will want to choose something that will allow access without leaving any other body parts exposed. That means a button down top, a loose jumper with side access, you get the picture! The last thing you want is to have a crying baby in your arms and realize the only way to nurse is to basically undress.

Which leads me to the next thing. Get the little one nursing before he starts wailing. A crying baby will draw attention and make it harder to get him nursing discreetly. Learn the early cues for hunger: Smacking or licking lips, opening and closing mouth, sucking on lips, or any other thing that makes it to his mouth. And then later, rooting around, trying to position himself to nurse, tugging at clothing. The very last one being crying.

I Want My Mother/Husband/Whoever To Be Able To Help Me
This is the worst one in my mind… Why does help always involve feeding? I know it’s not as fun, but cleaning, laundry, cooking and other things are just as helpful to a new mom. Enough said.

I Don’t Make Enough Milk
In rare cases this is true.

But, in other cases this is due to misunderstanding or poor management of bfing. Before you jump to that conclusion look at the whole picture of your bfing relationship. Sometimes women mistake increased nursing when a child is going through a growth spurt to mean they don’t have enough milk. Actually, more frequent nursing is the way a baby sends the signal to your body to make more milk! Another common one is as supply and demand get into sync the breast may seem less full. This softening is a normal change, and the leaking experienced in early bfing may subside as well.

There are 1000 reasons women might think they have low milk supply. And there are a few practices that tend to lead to diminished supply. The first one is supplementing. Remember the supply and demand thing? Well, the more you supplement the less milk your body thinks it needs to make. So, supplementing is a catch 22. The other reason may be not nursing the often enough This can happen because of pacifiers introduced too early, supplementing, sleepy baby, scheduling feedings… Whatever the reasons we go back to messing up the supply and demand system. Baby not being latched on well can cause problems too.

So, before you pronounce yourself incapable of producing an adequate amount of milk, enlist the help of a bfing counselor of some sort. But, beware of bad advice. Talk to other bfing moms and get a feel for what they think of her. And remember that as long as your baby is filling an adequate number of diapers and gaining weight you are fine.


So I’ll step down off my soapbox now. But let me leave you with this thought: I know your husband likes them, but there is another dare I say nobler reason Allah gave you those things. And subhan’Allah, it is an amazing system really. There couldn’t be a better way to feed your baby.

Nothing natural?????

So, as one astute reader noted... The long break is due to the fact that the new addition has arrived. A girl, Salmeh, born on Sunday the 4th, one day before her due date. Alhamdulilah.

Sleepy, yet supportive and wonderful DH was there the entire time... And I was attended by a rockin midwife who just got hospital privileges in December. As anyone who has read previous entry's about my plans knows... I have agonized over this birth and where and how it would take place. As much as I wanted to be at home, and even go unassisted... In the end I decided I was risking my marriage if I left DH out of the decision, and it was is baby too. So, I gave birth in a hospital... And I did have to hear about 1000 times how "risky" what I was doing was. I even had the doc on call give me a little lecture about how there was "nothing natural about a birth after two c-sections." But, when I got the phone call on Monday urdging me to schedule a c-section I was able to do my best Mandar(Dexter's Lab) Ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha!

The funny thing was that the nurses must have thought women in active labor lose their sense of hearing because I heard them at the nurses station every time they left my room after checking on me. "She says she doesn't want the monitor to be left on!" "She says she wants to walk around!" "She says she only wants a hep lock in case of emergency, not a regular IV!" "She's drinking!" Finally when the whole crew attending came in at once I said, "Look, you can think of me as your difficult patient for the day... But what I am doing is not crazy, and I wouldn't do anything that I thought would risk the health of my baby. If we get to a point where something is going wrong and I need all this, I will let you know. Until then, leave me alone." Or something close to that... I was in labor you know;)

But, in the time that it took the doctor to call the anesthesiologist (they wanted to have me set an epidural in place even if I got nothing through it) I went from a five to a nine, and the anesthesiologist refused to place anything. The progress was courtesy of me doing some serious labor dancing and squatting (at least I think). The hardest part of the whole labor came after my water was broken and they put in an internal monitor (one of those vile little things they put on the baby's scalp) and I was stuck in the bed. Now to be honest, even if I had the will to walk at that point I might not have been able to. It was all I could do to get to squatting position in the bed with the help of DH and the midwife.

I had the traditional I can't do this I want to go home moments during transition. I don't remember this much pain during transition with Layla. But, I think it just lasted longer this time. Finally, the midwife pushed the last bit of cervix out of the way and after a couple of contractions I got to experience the whole physiological pushing thing. It was amazing really. I felt my entire belly tightening up and since I was in a semi-squatting position I just felt this downward force... It was nothing like the coached pushing I did with Layla. If I can give a graphic comparison, it is like a normal bowel movement vs constipation. I don't know where the whole coaching the laboring woman to push thing started... But I will never do it again. I came out of the delivery with an intact pernium, masha'Allah and feeling great. I was able to spend an hour with the baby before they bugged me with the weighing and all that, which was great. I even felt well enough to go to the nursery with her while they cleaned her up and did all the newborn checks.

Natural childbirth rocks. It is worth the fight every time. Even DH who was skeptical about the whole thing (he tends to believe the OBs) has been converted. He just feels that the will to do it overcomes any obstacles along the way. Truly, I can't say I even believe that there is a big difference between women with c-sections and women without. As long as the scar is a bikini line cut, I see no reason that a vbac shouldn't be the default. And screw it is the doctors want to convince you otherwise. Read up and convince yourself. Even their own consent forms state the risk of uterine rupture at less than 1%, and all the bad things they talk about only happen if the uterus ruptures. Remind them of that if you have to.

I can't I can't I can't stand losing

So, in the middle of the changes that are going on in our life... It looks like DH might lose the contract that makes his business possible. Meaning the paper that controls everything is threatening to pull his distributorship. UGH. Not good timing.
Please keep him in your dua. He is now faced with considering all the other jobs that we have been talking about (his degrees are in EE) and leaning towards something in the oil industry. Insha'Allah that will be the direction he heads in. I would love to see him doing something he could feel great about, and the oil industry is that for him. If he gets a job like that it will truly be a blessing that he lost the distributorship.

The flip side is a man who is on the verge of losing his job is not in the mood to deal with other complications in life... And we are heading towards a time full of them with this new house and what we are planning for it. Allah give us patience.

Now in the immediate future... DH has invited my SIL for the weekend. Now, I try to refrain from just complaining about my somewhat crazy SIL... But why did he invite her when I am so close to having the baby? Sheesh. And you can guess from all I just said that I am in no position to tell him no or call the thought of having someone there 24 hours a day when I could go into labor at any time crazy. But seriously... I am a little upset about it. OHHHHHHHHH, can't I just say NO? Can't DH ask first?

Any day now....

So I have headed into that time where I start to wish I never told anyone my due date... I am ready to have this baby, and I am finding it harder to wait. And, everyone is calling me asking if I had the baby yet. No, still waiting.

I did go over with DS #1... So I have tried to prepare myself for the possibility... But I am getting antsy. I was just saying to DH last night that I have the feeling this baby is going to hang out a little longer. I guess only time will tell. The thing that is bugging me the most... The feeling like every time I leave the store I have to be ready for the possibility that I might not be back for a week or two. And I have the same feeling about the house. If I knew when it would happen I could get things ready and in order for that date; but right now I just try to keep things in order and keep the laundry done and DH's work clothes ready so I am ready if it happens tonight. It's a little overwhelming. And I prepare big batches of food only for DH to eat them and then I feel I have to fill the fridge again "just in case".

In some strange way I feel like since I am getting worn down and tired I will be less ready than I would be if I had the baby now. Every day I look at the things I have to do and I just can't drag myself to do them. I am more tired and less able to keep up every day it seems. Well, alhamdulilah, maybe the waiting will give me a chance to get over this chest cold I have.

Amityville?

Soooo, I was fine with the concept that we were buying an old building with 100's of unknowns... And for reasons kinda personal this was a unique opportunity to invest at a level we normally wouldn't invest at. But I expected to find out things like the wiring was old and not up to code... What I found out is slightly more disturbing.

The place was a mortuary before it was a church. Yikes. I am trying to be level headed about this... But I am getting more and more distressed about it. I am afraid that by the time we move I will be downright freaked out. Is that crazy? I am a grown adult, and I don't even believe in ghosts (as in disembodied human spirits) but I do believe quite strongly in menacing jinn. And doesn't a mortuary seem like a perfect place for bad jinn to hang? Now DH insists that the buildings years as a church must negate all that... But I don't know.

And in the realm of the known... I just called for the utility history from last year and the gas bill for the church and the house in the back combined was $750 on the colder months. Now keeping in mind that the church was empty at the time, that's a huge bill. Does home-ownership get easier?

Well, I'm going to try to research the history of the property a little more with public records here in town... Am I being obsessive about this? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

Madesh Habibi

Every time I tell my DH I can't sleep or complain of some other pregnancy related thing he tells me, "Madesh habibi, a few more days." Don't say that honey! I feel like a mad woman running around freaking out about things that need to be done before the baby comes. Yah Allah I need a normal delivery this time. I can't be down for the 1-2 weeks with a c-section. There is just too much going on with us, and DH is never home with his second job (did I mention DH took a second job?).

I am trying to catch up on things I have been putting off, but I am tired and have to take frequent breaks... I finally took the clothes I never wear and donated them, then stored things I won't wear while BFing. And all the baby stuff is in order aside from a shipment of diapers that should be here any day, insha'Allah. The real problem is with 5 people in the house you are never "finished". I can never stand in my living room and say, alhamdulilah, then sit back and enjoy a clean house for a few days.

We are moving, insha'Allah, in August or so depending on some work we are having done to our new place... And I am making one entire room a family closet. Insha'Allah this will help me because no more lugging laundry to rooms, no more putting off folding and hanging because someone is asleep, and now I can get dressed even if DH is asleep in our room, yeah! Now dedicating an entire room as a closet may seem extreme... But keep in mind that there will be 6 of us, insha'Allah. That's a lot of clothes. And everyone has a dresser, so that's eating lots of space from the bedrooms. Not to mention DH's dresser in the living room since he needs to get his clothes at hours when the rest of us are asleep. As much as I hate moving, I am looking forward to the things we are doing in the new place. I can't wait to have two kids rooms and an office for DH... And the closet thing... That is assuming all those things actually work out like I planned!LOL I just hope that once we move I can get things in order and finally convince DH to go though his papers... It should've been done years ago!LOL

Another vaccine???

Cervical Cancer Vaccine Article

Now to be fair, I am a little weary of vaccines in general. And I am no virologist. But, read a book or two on the subject and I'm sure you will be leery too. Not to say that I don't vaccinate my children at all... I have chosen to do so with certain restrictions and some of my own input into the age at which they receive them etc.

Anyway, this whole cervical cancer vaccine as me a little worried. Why are we vaccinating against something tat the immune system fights off an estimated 90% of the time? And, if you are adding the numbers... It only fights 4 of the almost 80 known strains of HPV. And two of those don't cause cancer, they cause genital warts (the ones that don't cause visible damage are the bad boys). So, of the 3-4 thousand women in the US who get cervical cancer each year about 70% of them have one of the two strains in the vaccine. And the vaccine is about 97% effective... So, not some statistics person may be able to correct me here... But doesn't that mean we want to vaccinate all young women (they are shooting to do ages 12-14) to prevent about 2,037-2,716 cases per year assuming the vaccine is really that effective in reality? Sorry kids... I am not buying it. Also, what if women just assume that since they are vaccinated they can forget about pap smears? Not to mention the whole tone of "Well we all know you can't trust young girls so let's vaccinate them all."

Why are we so flippant about what we are injecting into our bodies? What about building a healthy immune system? What about the side effects of vaccines? When are the pharmaceutical companies in this country going to stop convincing us we nee to fill ourselves with their chemicals? Take a look at all the things we "need" now. How many times have you seen a commercial for some medication to treat something which used to be considered something you just dealt with as you aged of encountered it in your life for whatever reason?

I just cringe every time I pick up a parenting magazine with an ad for these new super combined vaccines (they have been indicated in many vaccine reactions). Yes, shoot your poor little infant's developing immune system with the maximum number of viruses and chemicals all at the same time! Great idea! Humph.

I'm not saying vaccines have no place or use in our lives. I think some of them are worth the risk... But I wish the government would just step off already. If you can convince parents of the necessity and the safety and they comply, great. But making chicken pox mandatory... Please. It seems like now that we are targeting just any illness we can... And I wonder what kind of things we are unleashing from Pandora's box by doing that.

Family Fridays

We have instituted a new practice in our house... Fun Fridays. Every Friday we go out somewhere or do something fun as a family. Now the one thing that I was noticing today is that it is hard to find things to do here in Laramie. DH is working today, so we have to do something without him... Which basically cuts out anything in FT Collins. Now I am thinking where will I go just me and the kids tonight? The movies. Or, the movies.

The thing is none of the pizza places have games here (and why go then when DS can't eat the pizza in the first place?)... The bowling alley has too much drinking for me to want to be the only woman in hijab on a Fri night... The skating rink is a little too disco at that time... And there simply are no other options here in town. So, do I just go to the movies cough up my $22 and forget it???

Insha'Allah, next week we will have a little theme party at our house. We could rent a movie and try to do dinner and some games with the same theme... Of course I would like to say I will save $ by doing this, but I always go overboard with these things and end up spending just as much at the dollar store for decorations and stuff as I would for the movie!LOL

OK, now that I am done complaining about Laramie... Let me say what I wanted to say in the first place!LOL I think this family night is a great idea. I wanted to do it for so long, and was finally encouraged when DH suggested that we should try to make Fridays special so the kids would grow up with a good feeling about Fridays and associate it with family time and enjoyment. I think it is well worth it! The only change I would make is if we lived in a larger Muslim community I would like to include other Muslim families in our plans. I think that would make it more fun for everyone involved.

Girls and Modesty

Teaching DD modesty is important to me. I don't think you can just spring it on them when they are 12yo and expect them to understand. My goal is to slowly keep building the idea and the habits of dress so that once she is old enough to wear hijab all she will have to add is the scarf. Sooooo, here we are again this year with shorts being on the forefront of every clothing conversation we have... And to add to the trouble you can't just go shopping and let her choose things from the racks because 99.9% is not appropriate! It's like taking gluten free DS to a bakery... I just try to avoid it.

The funny thing is boys have more options in the modest dress arena than girls!
I can find things for the boys no trouble. Heck, if I wanted them to follow the no legs and no tight things guidelines that I have Layla following I would have no problem at all. I get all the bermudas and loose cotton button down shirts I need, usually on sale!LOL

When did this hoochie mama thing reach clear down into the smaller sizes? And when did it become so pervasive? I ask it this year, and I am sure again next year too. Looks like I will be trekking to the Hanna Anderson outlet and also making some things for her again this year. Alhamdulilah I have some great sewing stuff!

Must get ready....

Must get ready for new baby. Must get house in order. Must get baby stuff cleaned. Must make sure I have any newborn stuff left at all. UGH!!!!!!!!!

OK, all I really need is the sling and the Moses basket along with the new diapers and covers... Plus a few sack gowns... But I just don't feel ready. Last night I had a dream that my labor stalled because I kept thinking off all the things I needed to do before I gave birth. Crazy? No way. I think mental readiness plays a big part in birth.

So, I will be breaking into the storage locker this afternoon (they accidentally put an extra lock on it and want me to go get the key from them to get it off, but I will probably just cut it) and retrieving the Moses basket and any and all boxes that say newborn. But, like I say I think I gave it all away or sold it at the store... As Yousuf and Layla grew out of things I just got rid of them... And I gave away all the girl things once I had a boy... Well, what would I want with newborn stuff that had seen three kids and 6 years by now anyway? Not to mention half of it was very very second hand in the first place.

Now the question is do I save stuff for the new baby starting now? What I mean is it worth saving considering that it will be 4-6 years before he/she grows into what the older sibling grew out of? Any experience with this? I save from Aly to Yousuf, but that is only like a year. Hmmmm.

OK, enough boring baby stuff for now. I feel like the countdown has begun though... You know that stage where getting ready for the birth occupies your entire brain? Yeah, I'm there.

One of the things I love about Islam...

I was just thinking today that I never really get time to enjoy prayer... There is frequently something else I am thinking of like what I need to do now, the food I left on the stove, the work I have to do at the store... Not to mention three kids climbing on me all the time. Getting out the prayer rug is like a call to them from wherever they are to stop what they are doing and run to me.

But, since my DH started working a second job I have rediscovered the peace of salat. After the kids are in bed, while DH is still at work, I have a peaceful prayer time to really enjoy. No rush, no other people around... I can just pray. Now fajar is like this for some, but ever since I converted just waking up and making wudu is about it for me... So, to have a peaceful time at the end of the day is a real blessing.

Many people would view Islam's prayers as restrictive, rigid and formalized. I think nothing could be further from the truth. Like children need structure to really bloom I think we need structure in our spiritual lives as well. I'm not waiting for a revival, at the most unexpected moment one of the daily prayers can lead me to a feeling of inner peace and revive my iman. So, I guess I just wanted to share how I feel about salat... How I had forgotten how much I love it.

The terrible very bad horrible no good day

Have you ever noticed how people close to you can really cut you to the quick when they are mad? Yeah. DH laid into me with some nasty comments about my lack of capitalistic drive in regards to the store... And now I put a nice dent in the trunk of the van backing out of a parking space. UGH. He's really going to love to hear about that especially considering the theme of the day is "UmmLayla doesn't appreciate money".

Gluten Free Me

UmmLayla here reporting from my first week of gluten free kitchen duty.

Not as bad as I thought. I got a few books, and I tried to stay focused on things that just are gluten free by default. At least I hope... I mean no one is injecting fruit or meat with modified food starch, right? But I have had a few surprises while reading labels so I will never assume again. Home cooking will be the easy part... And gluten free baking while not perfect (especially the bread) is passable. I have burnt out two mixers finding this out. DH doesn't even know half the time that the cookies and whatnot are gluten free. And the sauces and soups, no one would know on those. I even managed gluten free mac and cheese with chicken nuggets one night. YEAH!

On other fronts I have become obsessed with knitting wool diaper covers for the new baby. The first one I finished I did a double take and checked my gauge like 15 times, then finally checked the finished measurements because it just looked soooo small! But yeah, newborns are small!LOL So I made peace and kept knitting. Now the rest of this won't make sense unless you are a diaper hound like me, but please bear with me. My one frustration is all my prefolds (which is what I use at that age) have gone to the rag pile and I need new ones. I want hemp, but it seems that the only way to use hemp under my wool covers is to pin it. Snappies (which are such a cool thing) don't work on hemp... And I am not investing in diaper covers with velcro again, I have had to buy new ones twice already because the velcro gives out... Besides my heart is set on wool and hemp now!LOL Maybe I'll have to bite the bullet and buy a few bummies whisper wraps or something. Well, I'm sure I'll figure it all out before the baby comes, insha'Allah.

Finally, I am heading into the part of the pregnancy where I want to sleep like 12 hours a night and I only manage maybe three in one continuous stretch. I am normally a very heavy sleeper. A dog once chased our cat into our house and past my bedroom door with my DH in pursuit and I slept through it. But not during the last weeks of a pregnancy, no. Grrr. It goes like this. DH snores, so I go to the couch. Oxygen machine (DH has breathing issues at night) by couch keeps me awake, or I can't stretch out enough to get comfortable. Go to recliner, decide now that I am in the family room I might as well watch TV. Dose for small stretches making Shows seem bizarre and unfollowable, not to mention waking up in front of movies I never intended to watch (yeah, late night cable). Then, DH wakes up for work, I talk with him for about an hour, and when he leaves I go to bed... Now I toss and turn and try to get a position that doesn't get the reflux going until 3-4 am. Then I sleep until the alarm goes at about 6:30. UGH. Now I know why I never feel sleep deprived when a new baby comes. All I have to do is nurse them and doze back off. And anything is better than this!LOL

Not so grand opening:P

Well, the store opened again today to a big snowy messy afternoon that kept most people inside for the day... But Alhamdulilah, I am happy to be up and running again. I feel like this opening the store thing is off my back. Not that we are done with everything, but we are really close and whatever is left is extras.

I actually had time to sit down and read Mothering this afternoon... And it had a great article on the benefits of BFing premature infants. I really liked it, and some of the things were really amazing. Mothers actually regulate the temperature of their infants when they are carrying them skin to skin in kangaroo care (a name developed for the concept of holding premature infants skin to skin between the breasts). So much so that if a mother is carrying two infants the breasts can adjust to two different temperatures. Let me say that again, two different temperatures at the SAME TIME. Subhan'Allah. Yeah, there is a reason I advocate this stuff, because it is AMAZING. Just don't mess with the system He created, listen to it, intervene if it's crying for help... But just do what comes naturally. Wow.

On the gluten free front we are getting into the swing of things... There have been the odd eating Baba's left over tea crackers kinda stuff, but mostly very good. It is a challenge with a kid though. I can't really tell everyone around him not to eat things with gluten so he won't ask for a bite... Well, I could but they wouldn't do it!LOL I just keep praying that this will go smoothly for him and he will start to get used to gluten free as a normal thing. Right now, there is lots of trading one thing for its gluten free version going on... I hope he can move more towards just eating things that are gluten free as we go. And I hope DH can convince himself that DS won't be scarred for life by not eating bread and pastries. Speaking of food, I had better get dinner going... Stuffed bell peppers and tomatoes anyone?

Should've known...

Well, after a bout with some intestinal upset I hauled my middle child off to the doctor to be tested for Celiacs (gluten intolerance) with my DH objecting the whole way. DH's logic is that if you have an illness like this do you want to know? He thinks not. He doesn't want to know his son shouldn't be eating bread and baked goods... He would rather let him live his childhood without having to avoid certain foods.

So, of course DS #1 has Celiacs. Now we have to decide what that means for our family and our eating habits. I would like to eliminate gluten. DH says just let him eat what he wants and when he is old enough let him decide to eliminate it. I guess I will be cringing whenever we eat out hoping that he will choose the chicken breast over mac and cheese... But in the home I will be trying to cook gluten free and hopefully DH will see that DS can eat the things he likes without gluten if we make them at home.

So, on those lines... Any good recipes for gluten free food that a typical kid would like? DS's favs which have gluten normally are mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and cinnamon rolls. Anyone?

It's been too long!

I looked this morning and realised I haven't posted in forever. Well, things have been crazy here to say the least. We have moved the store to a new location and are gearing up to re-open on the 22nd. The old landlord from the previous storefront is being a pain in the neck and wants me to pay for the entire month of April even though I was out on the 5th. Oh yeah, and I actually have to tackle my forgotten house (which is in shambles) today so when the window installers come to finally fix our dining room window I don't have to feel like I might die of embarrassment from the mess.

But, the up shot is I feel fine other than being tired and having some braxton hicks contractions now and then. I know I have pushed it on some days, but relative to my other pregnancies I have been a good girl this time. For example, no heavy lifting since I hired a moving company. I have moved literally during every pregnancy and this is the first time we have hired a company to do it. I will never move my own house again, insha'Allah.

We finally finished fixing our rental from the tenant from *&%^ yesterday. So, we have done bathroom plumbing and now a gas leak, insha'Allah we are done. The real thing I keep asking is WHY? I mean we are landlords and all, and we did tell her to move out when she stopped paying the rent... But isn't that pretty standard? Grrrr.

Anyway, I have been watching these past two months like some sort of slow motion train wreck... And I will just be glad when things are back to normal. Or whatever you would call the average state of affairs here!LOL

Doing Less...(rant)

I would give anything at this point to have less to do every day. I would love to be able to just stay home with no regard for the clock. I am going crazy with the things I have to do outside the house, and what is every single person in my life saying???? Maybe you should consider putting the kids back in school. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

This makes me angry on so many levels. First, it means they don't understand my priorities at all. Second it means they view my work with the kids as less important than my errands, the store, helping with DH's business and having a clean house. Third it means that they feel I am not contributing unless there is some monetary gain from what I am doing.

I had a good cry about it this morning when DH told me I should open the daycare we have been talking about and I told him I didn't want any more things to do in my life... And that the only way that would work is if I could hire out everything (which I don't think is feasible). What part of three kids and another on the way so even leaving the house at all is stressful doesn't he understand????? And yet somehow DH thinks if only I woke up earlier there would be enough time in the day to do all these things. Honey, if I woke up earlier I might have time to actually eat and maybe even consider my personal appearance... But not open another business when I am pressed to get everything I have to do with the store done.

Is there a way I can just relax a little without being berated for not contributing? I'm tired, exhausted and over-emotional. Would it be fair to tell people to lay off for awhile? Would they listen? To tell you the truth I am seriously considering a teaching job just to shut everyone up, and the insurance would be a real plus too. Maybe if the kids were all able to go to whatever school I worked at I would just do it... But with the new baby I can't even consider that. Maybe I'll just pack up the kids and go to The Farm for the rest of this pregnancy.

Birth plans revisited

So, since my last posts about the plans for this birth I have had a health concern arise... Namely an abnormal pap followed by finding abnormal lesions that will have to be monitored and dealt with after this birth. Because of this all my care has been through a nurse midwife... But I really like her, and she understands where I am coming from and supports me in refusing things I don't want to have done. DH has finally relaxed about it, but I know the freaking out will commence once I get checked and biopsy post-partum.

However, none of this changes my birth itself. There are no nicu's here in Wyoming, so we had an ultrasound to check the baby for any conditions that would necessitate a nicu after birth. Alhamdulilah, things look fine... So, my plan right now is to quietly plan to birth at home unassisted. DH is not in on this plan, and I have mixed feelings about that since I believe in honesty in marriage... But, I really think I can do it, and as far as anyone knows it could just happen spontaneously anyway. I figure if it's going that smoothly I won't interrupt it. Also I have this vivid memory of laboring alone with my DD and I really think that is more my style. DH knows I won't even say I'm in labor until the last minute anyway, so I don't think he wouldn't be surprised if I waited a little too long. So, I am getting the standard measuring and weigh in type care... Monitoring my thyroid and just praying that I am in good health and the baby is too. I have a good feeling about it, the only caution I have been given is that I will probably be quicker to go to the hospital at the first sign of anything unusual than I would be if I had an attendant. Which might very well be true. But I have made dua about this, tried to make the best choice for the whole family, and this is what keeps coming to me. I have these dreams of a peaceful night birth, which I am praying is guidance about the whole thing.

Insha'Allah things will go smoothly. Please keep me in your dua! I will try to post more about things now that I am in the final trimester... I'm getting excited about the whole thing really. Now if only I could get motivated to get the house in order while I still have time!LOL

Expectations in marriage...

Over time, women in the US have managed to set things right for themselves where men are concerned. They have very well established that they are no slaves and they are no maids and if husbands want a good clean house and well cooked meals then these men would simply have to put on the "kiss the cook " apron and ditch in.....(part removed here)... So how come there are the married couples in bliss in the middle east? Very simple. Women have used every part of their wit and intelligence to get what they want from their husbands. They know for example that if they cook and clean and sweat all day in the kitchen, then that is sending hubby a message: I respect you.

This comment on another blog got me thinking about the idea of what spouses expect in marriage and how that is influenced by culture and upbringing. Now, let me be clear that there are some differences in the cultures that get lumped into the "middle eastern" label... But for the purposes of this discussion I will be lumping but understand my personal experience is mostly from a city Egyptian's view.

What I would say is the hardest thing about being married to my DH is our different views on areas of responsibility. And this is a recurring theme in Middle Eastern/American marriages pretty often (from my perspective). My DH will be totally up in arms that I didn't do something and I will feel like it wasn't my job in the first place. If there is a culture clash for us that is it. Masha'Allah we get through it but I think both of us have our deep-seeded beliefs about what we should and shouldn't have to do in the family.

For most Middle Eastern men it seems that responsibility ends at the office exit door. They bring the money the family needs (and masha'Allah will do it no matter what) and then they are DONE. Now what happens when such a husband comes home to a mediocre dinner and a messy house (even if the wife also works) he flips. Why? Because the entire day has been spent fulfilling his obligations to the family and the wife hasn't met hers in his view. Is this bad? Does this mean that these men are self centered, chauvinistic, bullish, lazy or some combination of the above? No. That is the culture they are from, and that is most likely how they were raised.

Now of course the difference is that in most Middle Eastern countries the wife can just pay to have the things that she struggles with done, where as in the US that is not an option unless you are really well off. And how well off would you have to be to afford a woman to come cook with you every weekend and whenever you have an invitation? Or someone to deep clean the house weekly, or bi-weekly? Not to mention all the other things that an American maid will not do and an Egyptian maid will. My SIL, for example, has a maid come every season change to re-organize the family closets and store all the out of season clothes and things the kids have grown out of. So, the other factor for Middle Eastern men seems to be if he is doing OK, why not hire out some of the work?

Now, my DH taught me to cook Egyptian food, and could give laundry tips to the most seasoned wife... But he never does either of the above; if he does he leaves the clothes on the couch to be folded and the kitchen full of dishes and cooking debris. Am I mad, am I annoyed, do I wish he would help more? Yeah. But I don't think he is being lazy or mean... He just isn't convinced that I can't manage it all without his help.

So I guess what I am saying is the next time a culture clash occurs in your mixed marriage ask yourself if you even agree on the basics of who does what in the house... Chances are you don't!LOL Hmmm, I'll try to remember that the next time my DH asks me why the lawn hasn't been mowed in ages...

Polygyny, not Polygamy...

I watched the show Big Love on HBO this weekend, it was pretty good. It is about a family with three wives, and several kids. The women each have their own house and the husband stays one night with each in little three day cycles. I was thinking they might not really be living in the Islamic type of polygyny... But for the most part they are. With the separate houses and dividing the money, also the time... The husband even tries to deal fairly with regards to the three when one asks him in private if he misses her the most. He simply says, "Officially, I miss you all the same."

So, I have asked myself the question would I about polygyny soooo many times. Actually I annoy my husband talking about it because he feels I would hate it (he once tricked me into thinking he was marrying again and I cried) but I am working through the idea in my mind...

Seriously, I could imagine that if circumstances allowed (like he was healthy and secure in his job) I would be telling DH to look for a second wife. Why??? Hmmmm, that is a harder question to answer. It has something to do with challenging myself to put my money where my mouth is (I do believe polygyny can be a good thing, and do believe it is a man's right). Also, I guess I see it as jihad, a way to put my trust in Allah's law, and I see it as a way to show I really do love my sisters in Islam... Or maybe I'm just plain crazy!lol

I guess I see where sharing would be hard, impossible. But I think of men who have time and money and how they always seem to have mistresses or if they are brothers secret second wives... And I would rather have it out there in the open. I don't want my DH committing haram, and I certainly wouldn't want him to go behind my back to marry again. I would hope he could face me with it and we could exist as a family. And you never know, because we all know the hadith right? The one about maybe you dislike something that has great good in it? Something to think about:)

Home Again!

Well, our trip was much longer than expected... But, Alhamdulilah, we are home again now. We had to go to Denver a day after we got back though, since I had scheduled things thinking I would been Laramie a week earlier! I am up to my neck in things to do... Laundry, unpacking, cleaning up after the past few days of being home with no energy. I just keep telling myself one big task a day. Yesterday was the van, cleaning and unloading the last few things... And also paying all the first of the month stuff and catching up on paperwork for DH's business.

As far as the trip... I got us into this city pass thing where you buy a pack of tickets that will go to the major parks and attractions at a discount. 3 days Disney, 1 day Universal Studios, 1 day Sea World & 1 day Wild Animal Park... If you are really going to do all those attractions it saves you some money. But, for me it meant I had to go to those places since I already paid. Yikes... Too many attractions for my kids even in the 2 weeks we had to go. I think I would've done 1 day Disney and Sea World and maybe the Wild Animal Park. I have no love of being in lines with a 3 kids who might have a meltdown because they are hungry, tired, have to pee, or any other number of things. Really, the best part was the beach and just relaxing at the time share.

I have so many things I want to blog about that I thought of while on vacation... I just hope to get to them before pregnancy brain erases any trace of them!LOL

No one tells you...

When you are a mom, suddenly taking a trip becomes a chore rather than something to look forward to. I would love to say that I am looking forward to next week's trip... But mostly I am stressing the details instead. Looking for hotels, helping DH get the things done for his business, trying to get the house in order, trying to make the plans of when to leave and where to stop on the way... Basically stressing being gone for 2 weeks.

I don't deny that I will have fun once we hit the road... But right now I would rather just stay home!

Not that I normaly post videos....

This video (Stupid Girl by Pink) is great. But be warned it has some skin shots, and of course it is a video... But this is one of those that I thought was really GREAT.

A gluten for punishment

About 6 months ago now my only brother discovered he has Celiacs. Now it's not an allergy, it is an inability to digest gluten that leads to malabsorption of nutrients and a host of GI troubles. Ever since he has gone on a gluten free diet his health has improved and he lost a few excess pounds and gained control over GI trouble he's been having since high school. Inspired by the fact that celiacs seems to be highly inheritable, I have been looking into it.

I talked with the midwife I am seeing for this pregnancy... And she has told me I should just try it, since it carries no risk and eating gluten if I have celiacs does. So, I am going gluten free for a month. And, DS#2 will be as well. Although I imagine that will have it's challenges considering that he is 3 years old and we will still have regular breads and baked goods in the house. The reason I am having him try too is that he is growing so slowly. Now, maybe that's just him... But I want to be sure. Probably all the kids will end up on the diet, so I don't have any fights, we'll have to see how it goes. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

At the risk of beating a dead horse...

I just wanted to comment on two things that I heard on radio/Arabic news channels because they are really eating me.

The first, and the closest to my heart... The US military is imprisoning the WIVES of suspected terrorists in Iraq. Shame on them. What about that is different than the dictatorship we just removed??? And to me it really reeks of desperation. OK, wire tap me. OK, search my house. Imprison me because you SUSPECT my husband might be involved in terrorist activities? Grrrr. It just makes me so mad! And visions of WWII interment camps keep flooding my mind.

And today, finally the media here in the US picked up what Al-Jazera has been talking about for the past couple days...Caricatures of Mohammad SWS first published in Denmark when a Denmark newspaper asked 12 cartoonists to draw a caricature of the Prophet. Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Qatar, and there may be more now are boycotting Denmark as a result. DH and I felt compelled to look them up online... And we were able to find reprints someone had posted of the cartoons. Yeah, DUMB to say the least. Offensive too... My feeling though is that it reveals what non-Muslims tend to think about us, and it is a sad testimony to the fact that we have gone NOWHERE in educating the public about Islam. You say one thing by poking fun at Osama Bin Laden, or even modern Muslims... But taking it back to the Prophet, well yeah. I support the boycotting because it sends a message... But I want people to know we aren't just mad about depicting the Prophet (because if you aren't Muslim that makes no sense to you anyway) but we are mad at the way he is being depicted and what it says about how people feel about Islam as a religion.

New HSer in the house...

Well, my son has been absent from his ready to read program (which operates on a grant from the state) that we have been told he is probably going to lose his spot. I have been working with him at home, and I guess I am OK with it if that happens. I just hope my husband doesn't get upset about it. I know we are on the same page with the keeping him home to let the ear really heal, but DH was really set on having him finish this year in that program. Well, I guess what happens happens at this point. If they can't justify absences for an ear surgery and before that strep throat there is nothing I can do about it. Besides, having him home is nice! We had fun with our lessons this morning. DD actually ran to the table to sit down and get to work rather than me dragging her!LOL

I am also in the midst of planning a 2 week trip to California. Mainly we will be in the Anaheim area doing the Disney thing. And we will make a detour to San Diego as well. Of course we are driving... Which should be interesting to say the least. I am looking forward to it though because we haven't taken a family vacation is sooooo long. And I can't even remember the last time my husband took off work for any reason other than illness. Now if I could just get all the planning done!

Back from Denver

My middle child had his ear surgery on Tuesday.... And they were unable to restore the hearing because the patch of skin covering the hole in his inner ear (from the last surgery) didn't take. So, it looks like another surgery is in the future. I was hoping that this would be the last one... But, Alhamdulilah we are one the way, and fixing the hole in the inner ear is a big thing because it effects his balance an everything. Now, we just wait and do it again in another six months.

GREAT book

I just got done reading Birth Without Violence by Leboyer... Wow. I think everyone should read this book. I have heard about it before, but I never read it because I always looked at it and said, "Violence isn't that a really STRONG word to use in reference to birth practices?" And of course I have heard about the Leboyer bath, and all that... But the book really made me think about things from the infant's perspective and think how important every little thing in the first moments in the world can be... And I no longer think violence is a strong word.

It really makes you examine the infant's feelings and struggles in those initial moments of life. It was a real ah-ha moment for me. I sat down to read it in one evening. Of course it is a short book, but I really got into it. I am DEFINATLY doing these things when my baby comes, insha'Allah. Of course DH has already expressed a big fear holding a newborn, "You want me to hold that slippery little thing in the water?" Yeah, way to get into it honey!LOL

It's a good thing they are little...

So, we did Eid shopping in Ft Collins and I must admit to staying away from the toy store in favor of more educational gifts... Everyone choose books and school supplies, and I got a phonics set that will work for all of them. Am I getting boring in my old age or what? Well they did get to go to Chucky Cheese...

Eid Saeed!

Insha'Allah everyone had a happy eid. This was the first year in quite some time that we were unable to sacrifice. Just no one in the area doing it, and DH not feeling up to searching the far reaches this year.

The day before Eid in a mad Eid cleaning spree I did finally tackle the play/classroom. What a relief! Two bags of trash out and some new storage bins, shelves, blinds and posters in... The place is like new. And I actually have all my school/teaching/learning theory books in one place for now, alhamdulilah!

We have been debating the trip that we are planning to Egypt... And it seems that we have come to the conclusion that it would be better to wait until a few months after the baby is born, insha'Allah. I have this whole curve in my back giving me pain in my hip and it is worse during pregnancy because of the weight and the loose ligaments. The good thing is I can get some correction going once the baby is born and they can x-ray the area to see just what needs to be done. So, in theory I will feel better with all the walking and everything after the baby is born. DH just doesn't want me to stay in the apartment the entire time because I don't feel up to walking around all day. He sees the baby as not a big deal as long as he/she is nursing and hanging out in the sling... And I tend to agree. Maybe if it weren't for this hip thing I would be into going before, but right now waiting doesn't seem like a bad thing. In the end it gives me more time to plan. I think I am even going to look into our luggage going separate from us so we don't have to carry it with us. I am worried that might be an ordeal with the kids... So if anyone has any tips on shipping things to Egypt, I'm all ears!LOL

Well, we are off to Ft. Collins to take the kids to Chucky Cheese and Toys'R'us to pick their eid gifts!

Frito Pie

So one of my new things lately is Frito pie. Something I NEVER eat... For those of you who don't know what I am talking about; Fritos on the bottom, chili in the middle and cheese on top. I have been craving it like crazy. Basically I am living on the stuff (of course I am doing the obligatory two eggs, four servings of milk and the leafy greens prescribed in the Brewer Diet too), but how long can I go with chili as my daily protein serving??? I guess since I use healthy chili the real junk is the Fritos themselves. Every one of my pregnancies has been marked by some craving like that. DD it was spaghettios, DS1 lobster, DS2 falafel and foul sandwiches... Hmmm, is there some logic in that? I can't find any.

Anyway, pregnancy news is otherwise pretty dull here right now. I am finally gaining but not too much, masha'Allah. But, my migraines are rearing their ugly head every time I get even the least bit stressed... I seem to be OK otherwise though. I actually feel pretty good (at 19 weeks I am past the nausea and everything). Well, nothing much to say other than that... Gearing up for my son's follow up surgery in Denver next week (he has a hearing/inner ear problem). Insha'Allah it will be the last one.

You don't know POOR

I didn't know what poor was until I went out of the US. I think anyone who has been abroad for anything other than a vacation knows what I am talking about.

Now that I am in Wyoming, I can say I NEVER see anyone who is truly destitute. Actually what I see is mothers with kids from three different men getting housing, food stamps, medical care and assistance with their utilities from the Wyoming government. What I see is people quitting their second job so their income is low enough to have government housing.

In contrast, in Egypt I saw the porter in the building I was in making somewhere around 100 pounds a month to support his entire family. Here was a guy hauling trash, washing cars, carrying bags for people, and really WORKING... And he couldn't afford the basic necessities. I thought to myself that family is on the edge between survival and being on the streets. If that man lost an arm, became paralyzed, had a heart problem... His income would be gone and so would the housing his work provides. I don't think I have ever seen anything like that here in the US.

I am not saying that the US is superior, or that other governments should do more to help their people; because I don't think that. Egypt for example has government hospitals and Drs who work out of clinics at Islamic centers for nominal fees. In ways Egypt is succeeding in a way that we are not in that area. What I am saying is that America is unusual in this respect. In a way we are spoiled. We don't even worry about the level of poverty that exists in other countries because we know the government will be there if we are ever that poor.

But, contrary to that being good thing I wonder if this mentality isn't hurting us in the long run. How many of the mothers here in Wyoming are ready to go away from getting everything from the state and work to pay the same bills? Why are young healthy people living off the state when they can work (and though the jobs aren't all glamorous they are there)? I guess I just see this increasing reliance on the government among people my age and younger... And this weird mentality that they will be paying it all back sooner or later when they get a "real job" and pay taxes. What happened to the self reliance that people in the US exhibited in the past? When did that get replaced with a grab what you can approach to government services? How much longer can the government keep up with the increasing demands?

These are the things that go through my mind when I am in Egypt and I get stuck in traffic and I see the vegetable cart being tended by an entire family complete with naked toddlers running dangerously close to the traffic. You are looking at their entire fortune there in front of you. Alhamdulilah, I guess I just never knew poor growing up here in the US.

Hat tip to "Nice Guys"

I was watching a stand up comic the other day and he said something that just spilt my sides because it is sooooo true. He said he was reading a woman's magazine that had a poll on what fantasy man women want... The answer? 70% said a "Dangerous Man". The comics comment on that was "Well, they must be thinking of James Bond or something because in reality when you marry the dangerous man you are that woman on an episode of cops hanging out the trailer door in your tank top screaming, "Lock his a*& up!" while they haul your husband away." How true, how true... And yet I see young girls chasing after these bad boys all the time. I can only hope that they will have the sense to settle down with a "Nice Guy".

This leads me to another subject entirely... How American women seem to give "Nice Guys" the cold shoulder. "Nice" is the kiss of death for guys looking for a spouse. Now, you may think I am talking only to the non-Muslim world... That this only applies to dating situations... But NO. I have seen really great brothers get turned down cold because the sister isn't impressed when she sees him. HUH? Are we window shopping here? And the same goes for brothers looking for a wife. Remember the advice of the prophet on choosing a wife, the best criteria is the religion.

Now before you dismiss me let me give you the case of a brother who I know who I think is a really wonderful guy. He started with the traditional through the community meeting sisters eligible for marriage. Now he is Middle Eastern, so he started with sisters from this group. One time he went to a house to meet the daughter of a man he knew from the masjid who seemed to be approving of the idea of him seeking one of his daughters. The sister saw him from the other room, and never went into meet him. After an awkward dinner the young brother was informed that the daughter was not "ready" for marriage yet, she still had a year of college to finish. On another occasion he was told the same thing after only a few minutes with the father this time he left with the impression that they thought he was not wealthy enough because of his car... Long story short, this brother gave up on the ummah. He started trying to meet women at the university. They thought he was too "nice" and were confused by the whole not wanting a physical relationship thing. In the end he married an American convert years later... But how crazy is it that this brother so clearly ready to marry had to wait?

So, I just want to say to the "Nice Guys" out there that there are those of us out there who appreciate you... Don't get discouraged. There are sisters out there who are looking for someone just like you. And I also want to say to sisters if you dismiss a brother because he isn't devastatingly handsome, or seems a little awkward the first time you meet him... You may just be passing up the kind of man who will give you a loving home and a fulfilling marriage for many years to come... So think twice, and look deep when you are meeting a potential spouse. And brothers,that applies to you too.

Your results may vary...

I am a big believer in the no quick fixes, no firm answers school of life. I try to look at things from this perspective. I find this to be especially true of parenting. When my daughter is having a "bad day" I find myself looking for an overall pattern that might lead to an answer...

Well today was one of those days. And I am sitting here accessing the situation to the best of my ability and wondering what is going on. I can honestly say I have no idea. What can I do about it? No idea again. She certainly can tell vocabulary wise... She just lacks the emotional maturity to verbalize her feelings. My only inkling of an idea is that it has something to do with the leap she is making in her reading and becoming a more independent person.

It seems as if every major phase in our development can be accompanied by such frustration. Or not. My son has weathered these changes well. Masha'Allah, he seems to be an even tempered boy. My oldest and my youngest are prone to emotional thunderstorms of frustration whenever they are growing developmentally.

I guess my question is, what do I as a parent do about this? DH is inclined to be strict, to set more limits... I am inclined to give more room for error, let more things pass unnoticed... And then I think of the book Kids are Worth It and I try to imagine a way to give her structure and limits without becoming a "brick wall parent" and how to let her make her mistakes without being a "jellyfish parent". I can definitely say that having a six year old is the hardest task I have faced so far in life. And it makes me seriously wonder about my ability to cope with a teenager!LOL

I guess I am just in awe of the whole experience. I am overwhelmed with the sense that I will have an impact on her future and I have to deal with everything in the right way. I pray for strength I pray for guidance, and I just take it one challenge at a time. Subhan'Allah. And people think having a new baby is hard... I tell them "I already know what to do with a new baby! You can't really put a six year old in the sling and walk around until she sleeps, can you?"

Battle of wills

So yesterday DH freaked out and decided that he was most definitely not for having a home birth. He did the same with homeschooling the first year... He just called me while I was in Denver rambling something about sending Layla to school in a neighboring town where she could enter Kindergarten early. We sent her to a half day program at a private school here in town that year. Sometimes I think he should've married someone more conventional... He sincerely doesn't understand why I don't just have another c-section... He really doesn't know why I am so set on homeschooling.

I am tired of locking horns over things that are important to me... And I am tired of always being the one who compromises. This time, I don't know if I can back down... So it looks like I will either be fighting hospital staff or my own husband about this birth. UGH

Various thoughts today...

Well, I have been seriously lacking in time these days... I feel like the day just fly’s by. Yesterday I went to a meeting in FT Collins about a midwifery course I am planning to take, insha'Allah. I also ran all over the area after the meeting looking for affordable living room furniture, only to discover that there is no such thing. I guess my standard of "affordable" is unattainable. Huh.

In other news, I am trying my best to stick to the Brewer diet... And after reading a thing about adequate weight gain during pregnancy yesterday, I have renewed my resolve to eat well. I have stayed at 5 lbs under my weight when I first discovered I was pregnant. Probably due to an aversion to food in general when I am pregnant. I had a favorite of mine the other night and found myself forcing it down. I will never understand why I only have an appetite when it isn't useful or healthy for me. Ya'Allah!

Also, it seems like things in Egypt have gotten crazy... Which means we have started saving to go, insha’Allah. Of course this is a big headache/stressor for me since now I get to play financial gatekeeper (aka big meany who says no to everything) for the next few months. Not to mention I don't know how I am going to get things straightened out here in time to go in March/April like we want to. Planning to be abroad for an entire month or more is overwhelming. I wonder if it wouldn't just be easier to move!LOL The problem is finding ways to pay ahead, or shut off services we won't be using for the month or two we are gone. It seems easy, but the truth is since everything that involves time and frustration seems to fall to me I will be doing all of it... Which makes it a pain in the neck. And then of course there is finding an affordable plane ticket without having to connect 10 times and spend 7 hours in the airport in Amsterdam or something, and I don't even want to discuss that!LOL

Hmmmm, that all sounds really negative doesn't it? Well, on the good side I have been spending some time and $ on the house getting it in some reasonable semblance of order. It is slow, but alhamdulilah it is looking better. Now if I could only motivate myself to tackle the toys and school supplies...

Competitive parenting rant

My DH had a brother over for an early lunch yesterday while I was out with the kids... And somehow (probably thanks to mini underwear lying somewhere on our floor!LOL) the subject got to potty training. Our youngest is currently potty training (he will be three in January. My husband had the experience that I have had 1,000 times... The brother started talking about how his son was potty trained before two. Brothers, have you been dragged into the world of competitive parenting too?????

I feel like Barbara Streisand and Dustin Hoffman's characters in Meet the Fockers... You know the part where they are showing the new in-laws the wall with all the mementos on it? When did raising children become a contest? I hate to be the one to constantly restate the obvious... But all children go through different stages of development at different times. There is no better or worse.

I want to get away from this false sense of accomplishment that some people have about these things. I would argue that kids are suffering from it. No child should be pushed to do something before they are ready just so the parent can feel a sense of accomplishment.

Take the example of potty training. Children are ready to learn bladder and bowel control at different ages, the sensation and the muscle control are a developmental stage. Now I know someone out there has done the potty training a 6 month old thing... And I believe you, but you have really trained yourself to respond to your child’s subtle signals and cues. That aside, kids will simply reach an age where the signs tell you they have reached that stage. No amount of reward or punishment will help them to get there sooner. And you will only make yourself and your child miserable trying to force it. I would say it is right up there with tying to get your pet fish to sit up and beg. If your child potty trained at 1 1/2... (I know I'm going to ruffle some feathers here) Don't pat yourself on the back, they were just ready.

And starting solids at an early age is another one (which you will see reversed to starting solids late in some groups where BFing advocacy is big). Once again, either your child is ready to eat and digest solids or not. You can't force it early because the tongue thrust reflex and the digestive system readiness are something you can't control. Nor should you. I know baby dishes and spoons are cute, but starting solids will not give your child more nutrition, help her sleep through the night or make her gain more weight. And yet this is another one I hear women comparing all the time...

And my favorite and the one that I am most likely to snap if someone tells me about it... Sleeping through the night. Yeah, it really irks me to hear,"Yeah, Mahmoud slept through the might ever since I brought him home from the hospital, masha'Allah!". No, sorry Ferber and every other scheduling nut job out there... The only thing a little baby who is "sleeping through the night" is doing is learning that no one is coming to get them, so there is no reason to cry. Sad and once again some people get all mad when I make that analogy, but that is the fact. And even an older child who does sleep for a longer stretch probably only sleeps for 6 hours or so. Sleeping though the night just happens, it is a developmental stage. Once again, sorry folks... Not a mark of superior parenting.

And finally... Big babies. I am just shy of five feet tall... and for many years hovered around 100lbs. My husband is a bigger guy, and he was athletic in his youth. We have had both small and big children. My middle one, big baby. My first and third were both small. That's genetics kids. And the most ferocious nurser of them all was the smallest. Yeah, go figure. So, when people praised me for my middle son's size... I was always a little irritated. I was happy he was a big boy, masha'Allah, but I never thought I had anything to do with it. Besides, my first child elicited the opposite response since she was small, so maybe I was a little jaded. PLEASE, don't stress about your child's size!!! And this is one even Drs put you in the competition on, "Yes Ms Abdelmalik your son is doing well, he is on the 90th percentile! Keep up the good work!" or "Ms Abdulrahman... I think you should consider supplementing your son's diet with formula, he is only in the 10th percentile." Hmmm, did a Dr ever look at the whole thing and just say, must be this child's growth pattern??? How I would LOVE to show some of the people who thought I was starving my daughter today now that she is a normal height.

Now I know that everyone has their own style parenting... And I am willing to allow for that. But sisters, and apparently brothers too... Can we please stop comparing our children on these archaic and useless things? Maybe you should think of it like this... Would you dare to look at another person's child and boldly proclaim that your parenting was obviously superior due to the perfection of your child's nose? Yes, it is the same. Allah made all of us differently, with little internal clocks running at different paces. No parent is better than another because their child is taller, potty trained earlier, slept through the night from day one and ate solids foods from birth. Give your child space to mature at their own pace. If you want to rush something's development go plant a garden and punish the tomatoes for not ripening fast enough.

My kingdom for a garage!

So it has been freezing here in WY for the last few days. No, I mean like below zero with wind-chill freezing. And what have I been coveting? A garage. What I wouldn't give to park my van inside and load the kids inside and not have to run out into the blistering cold to retrieve something I forgot in the car.

As it stands I have been running out with kids bundled in as many layers as I can muster starting with thermals and ending with coats with a special fleece inner coat. All of which takes about 15-20 minutes to do every time I leave the house. What do people who live in Alaska do? I am ready for a warmer place any time now.

Baby hat

So is a blueberry gender neutral? I am making an adorable little baby hat pattern... But since it is a fruit hat it looks a little girly, I decided on a blueberry since it seems like the most neutral of all.

Never say never...

So, I know I said I would never consider an unassisted home birth because of the DH factor... But I am considering it now. I was thinking that along the lines of playing it by ear and only calling someone if I felt I needed to. The drawback, I couldn't really tell DH my plan. I normally don't encourage this level of concealment in marriage... But mine is a weird case and DH is really not open to the idea at all.

At the insistence of DH I went to a nurse midwife yesterday to hear an "all fine"... And I actually really liked her. We were thinking to visit a "medical professional" a few times during the pregnancy to cover our butts in case of transfer anyway, so I think we will go to her. DH is urging me to consider just delivering in Cheyenne with her, but I don't want to deliver in a hospital if I can avoid it. Maybe she's my back up plan if for some reason I have to deliver in the hospital.

Pregnancy dreams

I have some crazy dreams when I am pregnant... And it seems like last night was the first one for this baby.

I was in the hospital (for some unknown reason) and they were telling me I was going to have to have a c-section. I was alone. I was all gowned up and in a bed in a room waiting for the anesthesiology person and they brought in a really sick guy with bloodshot eyes wasting away in his bed. I got frantic trying to get up to go but I was stuck in the bed for some reason. So, I called my husband on all our numbers and no answer. So I am struggling to get away, and they are telling me I have to stay or I am risking the baby and myself. I am fighting the nurses and doctors and I woke up at that point.

Hmmm, all I can think is that this dream has something to do with the fear of having a baby in the hospital leading to things I don't want... With hospitals being a place for illness not birth. And of course my fear of having another c-section. I have the feeling that this is going to be "the" dream for this pregnancy... Anyone else have dreams like this during pregnancy? My other one is that I realize it must be the day of judgment because I am a midwife and I am pregnant and not only have I delivered several babies that day (it takes place in some kind of camp) but I find myself in labor.

I am a mess, and I am over it

I have been fighting the mess in our house since my DH and I moved in together in 1999. We both tend to be cluttered, and he is a MAJOR pack rat. I have watched as he collects things we don't need. I have had the misfortune to have gotten rid of something only for him to come looking for it a year later. Every time we move I purge... In his mind every time we move I lose things.

So, in spite of the fighting that it causes, I have reached this zen state about a certain percentage of the mess. I am one with the mess. It will never change, and no matter how much DH complains there is simply no way to "organize" his collection of junk. Throw it yes, organize it no. Hmmm, has anyone ever decided on separate houses because of clutter????

DH and the mystery illness, again

In 2003 my husband was hospitalized with an illness that basically boils down to pneumonia... They weren't even sure he was going to make it. Then in 2004 same thing, but this time worse. So they ambulance him to Colorado. Where they do lots of testing and find nothing. Now, here we are again this year and he is in the hospital again with the same thing.

This time, they want to transfer us to National Jewish... Great, but we are afraid of the cost and what happens in the long term there. Are we going to end up losing his job and having thousands in bills? So, we are trying to get him in as a research case or something. After all he is an unknown at this point. Bottom line, we need to go there... The big question is how?????

Please keep him in your dua. We are not walking out of the hospital without a diagnosis and a plan this time. It seems like this thing is just lying in wait, but it is always there.

Modest Maternity?

So, here I am already big... No, huge for dates. Actually, I am thinking I may be really off with my LMP date or something. But, I don't want to have an ultrasound to see where I am because I am uncertain of their safety at this point. So, here I am wondering what's up with a second trimester tummy at 9 weeks. Chalk it up to this being my fourth pregnancy I guess. Anyway....

The whole situation has me thinking maternity clothes. And once again I am going to have to face wading through racks and racks of clothes that I would never wear. But, much to my dismay it seems worse this time than when I was pregnant with Yousuf more than three years ago.

I guess there are some women out there who look great in these fitted, tummy showing type clothes... But what if I would never put a leg in a pair of these stretch jeans and midriff baring t-shirts? What are other hijabis out there doing for maternity clothes? Last time I got some plus size stuff... But I hate it because the top half is always too big and the shoulders on the jumpers keep slipping. They just make them so big across the shoulders!

So, I am thinking I will do what I did when I had the same dilemma with nursing clothes. I am going to make my maternity clothes. I am wondering though... Do you sisters think there is a market for modest maternity clothes out there? I certainly can't seem to find many places selling them. Maybe I should start a website for maternity/nursing clothes for Muslim women. Of course business ventures involving the ummah are unstable at best. Everyone gets things cheaper "back home". Hmmm, been pondering it a lot lately...

Our Eid

So, we have spent the last two days celebrating Eid at our house. The first day was at the mosque here in Laramie. They played games and there was tons of food... Then we went shopping yesterday for some new toys for the kids, new clothes... And last night we had a nice dinner at Red Lobster. Yummy!

Also, right before Eid we went and got two lambs from a local rancher and slaughtered them and cleaned them on his ranch. And as much as I like having the freezer full of fresh halal organic meat... It was a major pain cutting up all that meat!LOL It took us an entire evening. We started at 8pm got to bed at like 3am. But, alhamdulilah, we only do it like once a year. And we got quite a bit of meat from these lambs. Maybe I would be more enthusiastic about it if I wasn't the type of person who can live without meat.

Anyway, overall we had a pretty good Eid. Insha'Allah we can do some better planning for the next Eid an it will be even better!

Fess up

OK, so I have to fess up to something... I kinda miss celebrating the holidays (as in thanksgiving and Christmas).

I hope I am not alone in this, but every year as the holiday season rolls around I grow a little nostalgic thinking of Christmas trees and holiday baking. Maybe I could chalk it up feeling like the Islamic holidays are not a big event here in the states... Maybe it is some sort of wanting to retreat to an easier time in my life... I can't say for sure.

I am not bagging on Muslim holidays by any means. I just feel like some days I would really love to be baking a turkey in the oven and decorating a tree. Not because of the holiday it represents, but because of the sort of cultural holiday season it all represents. Religion was never a big part of the holidays in my family, we were strictly consumer American holiday types.

I guess it honestly just amounts to a weakness in iman of some sort. And I think it is also about me not feeling settled in my life even though we have a family and technically should be settled. Anyway, I just wanted to share... Thinking I can't be totally alone in this!

Edit right after posting:
I was just thinking that a big factor could also be the familiarity of American holidays. I know them well... No invention, just family tradition. As a Muslim family we are caught between our two cultures trying to make holiday traditions of our own, and it is just plain hard.

Book Review, long overdue

Unassisted Home Birth, An Act of Love By: Lynn Griesemer

I was overall pretty interested in this book. And I myself have been thinking of unassisted, but then I think about how I would feel if an emergency happened and we couldn't handle it. So, as long as DH is not ready to learn some midwifery maneuvers... I think I am happy with a midwife thank you very much. I know birth is safe most o the time, and all that... But shoulder dystocia sticks in my mind when I think about birthing unassisted.

Oh yeah, the book!

I agree with lots of the book, and there is something to be learned from unassisted home birthers as far as birthing as a couple and trusting birth. I really admire the spirit of togetherness and the bond spouses who have gone through this share.

But, as she says in the book... I am the midwife mentality who will say, unassisted birth is just not for everyone. But, if you have even a fleeting notion to consider it I think you should read this book. It is full of information and true narrations of birth tales from couples. The author asks lots of great questions about pre-natal care and how much birth knowledge couples had... It is really enlightening. I found it amazing to hear about the experiences of the couples in this book, how they arrived at their beliefs, what birth was like for them... I wouldn't have liked the book if it didn't have all those interviews.

I think it is low on the priority list as far as pregnancy reading for me... It seems like most couples are on the fence about home birth even with a midwife, so I think the number of people who will choose unassisted is small. But, if you know you are interested in going unassisted, I think you should read this book. And get ready for people to think you've lost it... But that's another story entirely!LOL

Birth Plans

So, with a $3,000 price tag on a home birth and a $0 price tag on a hospital birth my DH has challenged me with the question of why having a home birth is so important to me. Well, there are several reasons. And in some strange way they are all equally important to me.

1. I don’t want to have another c-section. Since I am 2 c-sections away from a vaginal delivery my chances of having a normal birth at a hospital are next to zero.

2. The support of a midwife, my trust in their skill would make my birth easier for me.

3. As a midwifery student I would feel like I am betraying my own beliefs having anything but a home birth.

4. I want to own my birth, I want to be in control and I want it to be the best possible experience. That will never happen in a hospital setting.

5. I want to have my family with me when I give birth, and I want to be able to just sit back and relax in the familiar environment of my own home.

6. Home birth is safer for my baby and me.

7. You forget many things about your life, but never the birth of your children so you should make it your ideal birth if you can.

Basically, DH understands that my only chance for a normal birth is at home. And in some small way he even understands that this is what I want… But he sees the dollar signs, and he sees that we just don’t have it at this moment.

So, our compromise has been that as long as he can be assured that I would be ok if I transferred to hospital (which basically I have already accomplished) and to get in writing from the WY insurance that they will cover the hospital costs if I transfer KNOWING that I started out as a home birth and all my pre-natal care was with a midwife. I haven’t done the second yet, but I think my chances are very good since I am talking about having a registered midwife from Ft. Collins. Besides, why would they deny a thing that they would have to pay anyway? If I booked the c-section today they would pay it… So, why wouldn’t they pay for hospital care if you went in an emergency transfer situation? That said, you never know. They might consider having midwife care negligent in some way and figure that the hospital expenses would be more after a failed home birth…

Anyway, please keep me in your dua… I need the insurance to go well and I am going to have to find a way to raise the money to pay for the midwife so I am not putting a strain on the family finances, insha’Allah. I already have a few ideas, but I think it will be slow going.

OK, I heart my new laptop.

I never thought I would be so into having one... But I think it is really going to be nice for me. And besides now if I download a virus or something it won't be onto my DH's work PC... Which would be a big problem!LOL

Now the really cool thing is the wireless networking. How can you beat having your kids playing in the park while you browse online?

In other news I am thinking of taking a trip to see my grandma in OK... She is really ill and I have been thinking I want to see her and have the kids see her before they move her to a nursing home and sell the house. Of course I am ready for that to be a big fiasco.

So, it is getting harder to make excuses for not fasting... And I am a compulsive truth teller... So I am not sure how much longer the pregnancy can remain a secret. But, I will not just up and announce it AP style or anything. I am thinking that eventually someone will ask me directly if I am and like true psycho I will just say yes.

I am tired, really tired. And DH is getting annoyed with it all too quickly. I spent all day yesterday lounging once I had done a minimal amount of cleaning. I know he is annoyed; he will have to get over it. It's bizarre that there is no real answer for first trimester fatigue. How could something so universal be unexplained? Hmmm, to complicated I guess.

Ramadan goals...

So I have all these lofty ideas about what I want to do every day during Ramadan... And then I have what actually gets done around my house. Here is yesterday for example:

1.Get some shopping done while the kids are in gym class and preschool reading program.
What actually happened is I wound up at the store with a toddler who thought being home would be better and ended up running to the restroom several times feeling like I was going to hurl.

2.Cook dinner while kids take a nap in the afternoon.
Kids refuse to take a nap... Of course I got side tracked and dinner got started about an hour before sunset which meant sacrificing planned dishes for quicker ones... Bye Bye oven macaroni.

3.Do Islamic studies lessons with all three kids.
Youngest child sat with us, repeating "Adam is poopy" (since our lesson was about Adam) until I finally let him go. DD went into a whole thing wanting a detailed explanation about how angels could be made from fire. Husband woke I and I went into a whole thing about how much I wish there was a better Islamic studies course book and how they go between concepts which are too advanced and too easy. So they ask to paint, ok.

I get out the paints and go to start dinner finally. Within 10 minutes the cat comes running out of the room with a big blue streak on her back followed by youngest exclaiming, "I PAINT KITTY!!!". So, instead of starting dinner I have to bathe, dry and council the traumatized cat.

4.Have a nice dinner and then go to pray taraweh at the mosque.
DH remembers once dinner is cooking that he needs my help with something at his work. So we all go to he warehouse and get dirty and grubby finishing said work.

We get home and rush to eat. The kids now need a serious bath. By the time we are done it is 8:30 and taraweh at our mosque is at 8, so yeah....

5.End the day by reading with DH while kids are in bed and discussing the deen.
Bedtime passes... No one is in bed. Tell them go, husband tells them go. Kids keep coming out of their rooms for various and silly reasons. I thought they would be in bed by 9, it is now 10:30.

So, to tired to read we watch "Real Time with Bill Maher" instead and go to bed ourselves.

So much for lofty goals!LOL

7 Things

OK, I got tagged by Surviving and have been meaning to do his for a few days soooo…

7 People I admire:
1. Prophet Mohammad, actually all the prophets…
2. Ina May Gaskin (famous midwife)
3. Homestead wives, for their capacity to endure tough times
4. Khadija (as in Mohammad’s wife)
5. Gandhi
6. Malcolm X
7. Thoreau

7 things I plan to do this year:
1. Finally get my house in order
2. Read one book on Islam every month
3. Visit my MIL in Egypt
4. Learn at least some Arabic
5. Memorize more Quran
6. Submit the first section of my midwifery curriculum
7. Get up early enough to have an hour to myself every day

Books I love (excluding Quran): Now this is hard since my actual “must keep under all circumstances” takes up several boxes in my storage and a few book shelves in my house)
1. Spiritual Midwifery
2. Lies My Teacher Told Me or Lies Across America
3. The Inhabited Woman
4. All books by Anne Rice (but not those written as Ann Rampling, bleh!)
5. Reading Lolita in Tehran
6. The Red Tent
7. The Bell Jar (or I would trade it for a book of her poetry)

7 movies I have to own:
1. Lost In Translation
2. Eternal Sunshine
3. Fight Club
4. Surviving Picasso
5. Keeping The Faith
6. Finding Neverland
7. Evita

7 places I want to visit (not including Mecca and Medina since they are obvious, or any place I have already been):
1. Morocco
2. China
3. India
4. Iraq
5. Alaska
6. Hawaii
7. Sinai

7 places I've already been:
1. Egypt
2. Japan
3. Singapore
4. Malaysia
5. Taiwan
6. Indonesia
7. Canada

7 websites I love:
1. Kelly Mom
2. Post Secret
3. Wasfa Sahla
4. Hathor
5. Midwifery Today
6. Crayola.com
7. Al Muhajabat

7 people tagged:
Well, it seems like everyone has been tagged already!

First week homeschooling

Soooo, this is the first week since I pulled our daughter from the public school to homeschool her. I am really excited about how things are going. We have had a fun week, masha'Allah. And we ended it with a trip to he children's museum where by a stroke of luck we saw another hsing family and the kids got to play and had a blast painting their faces and playing Little House on the Prairie with all the homestead stuff.

To be honest my only thought is why did we ever start her off in public school this year?

Ramadan surprise box

Here is the surprise box I did off of Islamic Parenting's fab instructions. Although, I am not 100% happy with it the kids are getting a big kick out of the toy a day thing... Funny how price doesn't matter with toys as long as they are new. I think the average price of the toys in there has got to be 25 cents and they are thrilled with them, masha'Allah!

Bursting!

We have decided not to tell anyone until after the third month… And I am still not telling anyone in the community, or even my family (his and my sides)… But, well… I am bursting!LOL I mean I waited like an entire week to spill!!!

Masha’Allah, Masha’Allah. Masha’Allah. Please keep us and our fourth (insha’Allah) bundle in your dua;)

Ramadan Craft:)

So, here is a date chain that I did for the kids for Ramadan. I added a little piece at the top that said something about the blessing of feeding a fasting person (since there is a date for each child and one for them to give away) which is not in the photo.


Here is how, in pictures:
You need two rolls of cellophane (colored), curling ribbon, dates, and a piece of cardboard for the top.


First you cut a piece of cellophane in a rectangle (half the length of the roll and about 6 inches tall) and lay the dates in it.


Then you roll the dates up like a cigar.


Then you tie either end like a tootsie roll.


Then, you fold the roll in half and tie a ribbon towards the dates to make a cellophane loop. And you nee to repeat the first steps until you have 30 bunches.


Now, you use a ribbon and connect the bunches by their loops. Be sure to have all the loops facing the same direction (I did up). And, tie the ribbon in a bow so the kids can just pull one end of the bow to release the bunch for the day.


Finally, secure the whole thing to a piece of cardboard through 2 holes and two pieces of the ribbon looped through the last cellophane hole. I put Happy Eid on ours since once they get to the end of the chain it will be eid… But, you can put whatever suits you!

Weekends as a mom

I have noticed that I no longer really have weekends. The days all sort of blend together. And, in reality Sundays and Mondays when the store is closed are not really a break for us. I wonder if this is a mommy thing?

Have any other moms out there noticed that weekends are more like heavy work days for you? Am I the only one who lets things pile up during the week to the point where I have to rush around Sunday hoping to at least uncover the furniture in the mess? And why is it that these are always the days I feel run down and tired? There is not enough Emer'gen-C in the world to get me off my duff this afternoon!LOL Maybe it is just the prospect of all the work that needs to get done?

So, to all the other moms out there... I hope you are enjoying your weekdays because weekends seem to be a pre-mommy thing;)

Do I NEED it?

I have been thinking a lot about the necessity of things in modern life. I have been talking with my husband about it a lot. I think he imagines that any minute I will turn into Ma from Little House on the Prairie. And I guess there is a distinct possibility that I might;)

No, really.... Have you ever stopped to examine your life and think about what you really need to be comfortable? Chances are you will find out you have much more than you need. And you work much more than you would have to to buy these things you don't really need in the first place.

I think we have turned wants into needs in America. And the cycle is endless once it starts. You "need" more, so you work more, then you "need" more things to help you in your busy life... Why not just stop the whole thing. Consume less and work less, which ultimately equals living more? I think the answer is we can't even remember what it is to need something anymore! Of course I am guilty... But I have tired to think it through more before I make a big purchase. I ask myself if the need for that thing is real or imagined. I know that the capitalistic nature of this country can't really stand up to brutal honesty in consumerism... But eventually we as individuals are going to have to tackle this issue in our lives.

So google simple living and ask yourself, "Do I need all the things I am working so hard to buy?"

Natural Rhythms and Pain Relief

This study has some interesting conclusions about pain relief and its effectiveness in labor. But I would argue that it can be true for any type of pain relief. Anyone who has migraines can tell you that there is a window of time during which you need to take the medication or it will not work.

Of course I don't want people to have to use pain meds during labor anyway... And I blame technique and medicalised birth for the use of pain meds as the default. I mean, you could help a mom by getting her on her feet, by changing her position. Maybe if you didn't insist on women being flat on their back and strapped to a monitor they wouldn't need the meds. But that said, the less medication they have to give women who request it the better. Any BFing support person will tell you that medicated babies are more prone to problems with breastfeeding, no matter what the Drs say. And, any woman who has ever had a spinal headache or one of the other unwanted effects of an epidural probably doesn't remember the "relief" it gave her at all.

OK, stepping off the soap box. Just wanted to share this article:)

Peace of Cake

Here's the cake I did for an interfaith gathering yesterday... I could almost hear Mike Meyers saying "You cheeky monkey!"

My alternate theme was "Stop mad cowboy disease"... Or maybe "Send the Bush twins to Iraq"... But this was more decorative;)

Infant mortality rates worldwide

So, I was reading something that got me thinking about infant mortality rates here and broad… Check out a list here and you will see the # of deaths per 1000 live births in various countries.

Notice when you are reading it how the US ranks. Not so good for possibly one of the richest nations in the world, right? We are 43 in a list of 226 nations if you rank from best to worst. Wow.

Now notice where the predominantly Muslim countries rank. Afghanistan is has the second highest infant mortality rate in the entire world. And countries that I would think would be better are not doing too well either. Egypt has an infant mortality of 32.59 per 1000, Pakistan 72.44, and Syria 29.45. Just another one of those things that makes you think we have more to worry about as an ummah than whether or not prayer beads are biddah, huh?

Apparently, the safest place to give birth is Singapore…Czech Republic has an infant mortality rate almost half of that in the US. And Canada is safer than the US, hmmm, “What’s the purpose of your visit to Canada Mam?” “To give birth in a safer environment Sir.”

There is just no good excuse for this. Why is our infant mortality rate what it is? Can someone who is better at statistics than me tell me if there is some way this information could be skewed? Because if it is not, birth practices in the US are even worse than I previously thought.